**Tamoxigang Thread 52** With virtual tea, cakes and chat for all with cancer concerns

[Lilymaid]

We were almost at our 1000 post limit for Thread 51 - hope the title is OK but wanted people to know that we aren't just about people on Tamoxifen but for all with cancer concerns!

I have to agree that the cold cap is horrible! This from someone who endured it for 5 1/2 sessions with it - and took it off halfway through the last one.
The only thing is that it did work for me (well it did until I took it off!). But gadzooks it was not comfortable. Next lot of chemo I had I didn't bother.
Actually just thinking about it makes me feel physically sick.

Hi all.

Thanks for the welcome, and for the advice on sites and so on. It has been super helpful. And thank you for coming on to tell me about your mum MrsDL - I really appreciate hearing stories which sort of help explain mine a little more.

Yesterday was a bad day but at least I did my Insanity work out, as I was dressed to do it when the results came through so I thought I might as well do it anyway - need to be fitter now more than ever!

Currently sat in Luton airport with 15 mins free wifi. Had my consult today. They want to do the biopsies again as they don't know how the Italians carried out theirs nor can they translate the report, so had more tests today and will know more next week. They were really lovely though and I feel like I am finally in safe hands.

Will have a plan by next week I hope, but the bank holiday may mean it's the week after. Feeling ok at the moment - I suppose because I don't know how bad it is. I think it's early but still don't really know yet.

Just whilst I have 3 more mins free wifi

Did people here tell their children if they were very young? Mine are 6, 4 and 3.... I was planning on not telling them really, unless it was horrendous news and I had to prepare them for the worst...

Yesterday was a bit of a blip. Went to hairdressers today and feel cheered up (don't mean to be insensitive to those who lost hair or will lose hair)
I was slim when I got cancer and gradually put on a lot over the last 4 years due to tamoxifen, emotional eating, sitting around after surgery and let's be honest drinking far too much wine. Now on Cambridge diet to whack off the pounds. 1st 4LBs off and four stone to go. It's not silly to be concerned with personal appearance. It's very important to look the best you can. Cancer robs you of so much.
Cheers and good luck to all here
Dx

Boobz my DD is 6.5 yo. I have incurable cancer. But because her sense of time is still short I see no point saying I may not be around in her life for another few months as even a month is a long time in her eyes. She knows I'm ill though, that I need regular "medicine" (chemo), that some days I'm fine and fully there for her and other days I'm in bed. She accepts this state of affairs remarkably well. It's normal for her. My illness is normal for her but she has no idea I could die from it (aside from the fact that she knows we all die eventually).

I remember watching a documentary about a woman with terminal MS who told her 7 yo she was dying; except she didn't die for years. Her DD told the cameras that she'd wished her mum hadn't told her she was dying because it simply made her unhappy for all those years. That really struck me. I don't want to tell pay DD until it's absolutely obvious I'm on my way out.

We're both Catholic and she goes to RC school; her grandad died a few years ago and we talk about the dead going to heaven so she has this idea that physical death is not the end. This idea, I hope, will help her when my time is up. We don't fudge around about death and talk about it openly eg life cycles of plants, animals, humans.

BsshBosh I am so sorry. Makes any of my concerns pale into complete insignificance God bless you and your family

Don't be sorry. All our experiences on this thread are difficult. It's all relative. Remember too I've had an incurable diagnosis for over a year so I've had lots of time to get used to it (and I'm still kicking around, doing the school run, eating nice food out and about, having fun en famille!) :)

Bssh that's really tough. I hope you have some good support around you. Hugs.

Derxa I always feels cheered up when I do something nice for my appearance. Today I booked myself a pedicure for next week. I love having painted toenails and they always look so much nicer when someone else does them. I can't reach my feet at the moment anyway owing to stiff back so that's my excuse!

I saw my counsellor today and we were talking about the importance of taking care of yourself especially with my return to work coming up. I'm gonna try to build something good into every day\week. I've just downloaded the Headspace app onto my phone. It guides you through 10 minute mindfulness sessions so also trying to do one of those every day.

I'd be interested to hear how others take care of themselves. I'm worried that I'm just going to get swamped by work.

Boobz I was looking out for your update. It's great that you have found a doc you can trust.That's invaluable. I'm sure things will move forward in a timely way for you now even with the blip of the Easter hols.

You must be exhausted what with the travel and all the uncertainty of the last few weeks. It will get better once you have a plan. I was looking back on our previous thread for a post that our lovely amberlight made for a new person going through diagnosis. It gave a very sensible and reassuring perspective on the stats around breast cancer. I wish I could link for you but you might want to have a quick look if you get any wobbly moments over the next few days. It's within the last page or 2 of our previous thread.

My dc are a lot older than yours. I tried to only tell them what I knew for certain and kept all the ifs, buts and maybes to myself.

I like gadzooks foofoo! That's a word that doesn't get used enough

Wishing all a happy weekend.

Damn typos! And x posted with you Bssh. The everyday things in life are so important. Wine and takeaway here tonight with House of Cards on Netflix. I'm addicted!

Oh just wanted to say hope you're feeling ok nanny, if you're reading.

Love House of Cards; love Netflix.

Today was first day of the school holidays for us and it was lovely. DD played all morning then we met up with my mum for a "ladies who lunch" brunch, then home for more playing (and me reading!). Busy weekend up ahead: DD has a friend's birthday party so DH and I will sneak off for lunch :) then Sunday we'll hit a gallery or two with DD (we're in London so are spoiled for choice). Monday routine oncologist meeting so will choose that day to stay in bed reading while DH and DD do stuff. I'm so lucky with family support - there's always someone to keep DD company during the holidays if I'm tired; though to be honest DD is a very independent little girl and can play for hours happily if I'm needing a rest. I was like that too at her age.

Am tapping this in the back of the cab on route to home - can't easily check back to your posts so I hope I remember the names right!

To derxa and wallaby - I think the physical transformation is going to be really hard for me too. I do Insanity every day and have worked hard for my fitness and abs - I am quite vain so this is going to royally piss me off. I know I'm the grand scheme of things I need to keep it all in perspective but i am very moody when I don't work out so being ill is going to be hard for me mentally I think.

Thanks for the tips on where to find more info on the other thread - will check out tomorrow.

Sorry to hear your cancer is incurable Bss - is it the done thing to ask about what cancer you have? I don't want to pry.

Yes I feel better for having a proper team that I can speak English to - this Italian team has been truly awful! Letting me know I had "signs of cancer" by email and then confirming by text (!!) and then telling me to pick up the biopsy report with no one to explain what it all means (it's in Italian...) as doctor is in Milan until Tuesday...my husband is livid at how it has been handled. I recounted the events to my doctors today and they were aghast.

Anyway - just pulling up home -thanks for hand holding - will be an avid reader of this thread from now on I think.

Thank you Marshy for thinking about me today and your lovely and thoughtful post - all of everyone's posts are really helping

Aw Bssh, this thread did actually save my sanity a few times when I was where you are now. Very happy to pay it back in whatever small way I can, as will everyone on this thread.

Now go and chill out!

Boobz I mean... d'oh!.....but Bssh too

Evening all. Have just had a bit of a catch up but need to go back and read carefully. Welcome to Boobz and wallaby- this is a great place to be for understanding and support, although sorry you find yourself here.

Don't- hope the op went well and you are recovering. Make sure you are kind to yourself and don't try to do too much too soon. Oh and make sure you do your exercises! That sounded very naggy!

Well- it's now coming up to a year since my treatment started and it feels quite weird. I can't really take in what has happened which probably sounds strange. It feels like the longest year of my life but also seems to have passed quite quickly which I know doesn't make sense! I still get emotional though- having to leave the school hall because the hymn and children singing just got to me seems very daft.

I did dye my hair for the first time this week and now the grey has gone. It has made me feel a bit more like myself.

Sorry this seems like a bit of a ramble but am very tired. I will read back through the thread tomorrow to catch up properly.

Sending love to everyone.

Thanks for asking marshy I'm doing okay ish. Very sore and getting major cramps, but hopefully things will start improving soon. Very glad I had already taken yesterday off, as there was no way I would of coped with work!

Hope everyone has a nice weekend. Xx

Marshy I had a bit of post menopausal bleeding and had tests. all clear but that was bloody frightening. I stopped tamoxifen and went on to letrozole.
The letrozole caused terrible arthritis like symptoms so I chose to go off it. (It just didn't suit me so def not recommending this to others) Consultant said my best course of action was losing weight so doing that now
Speedypenguin I well understand the weirdness feeling

Boobz I told my kids who are 2 and 5 just because I do 95% of the childcare and that has obviously changed. My op and now chemo do impact on our daily lives. And I'm going to lose my hair. They have been super good about it, too young to worry I think. Not sure if that may be different with your 6 year old. Breast cancer care do a lovely book called "mummy's lump" which we have read. I had a poorly lump, which the Drs took out and now I'm having special medicine. My little one talks about it more than the 5 year old. If you look on breast cancer care website they have a leaflet about talking to children.

Hello Everyone, welcome to all the newbies and loads of warm wishes to everyone coping with treatment, tests and just living with the aftermath of this pesky disease. I haven't posted in ages but do try and keep up with the thread and think about you all and your journeys often. I finished my treatment on 22nd December and went back to full time work right after new year. Probably a bit too soon but I was full of the joys of 'new year, new me!' I was coping fine in spite of the lymphodema, back troubles (very much in sympathy, Marshy), and general post-treatment ups and downs and then my Dad was emergency admitted to hospital with heart failure. I moved home to look after mum who is still recovering from a stroke. Dad was released home with a pretty dire prognosis and then mum fell and broke her hip. So much for 2015 being a less stressful year! Mum is still in hospital a month later and Dad is well enough not to need 24x7 care - am hoping we can have another stab at an enjoyable 2015, starting after Easter. On the plus side, I have fabulous finger nails now that the chemo-flake has grown out, I have lost 23lbs and am lighter than I have been in years and my regrowth no longer looks like a rodent has deceased on the top of my head! It was the anniversary of my diagnosis this month and nearly a year since my BMX. It does make you reflect. I have my appointment with the plastic surgeon for my reconstruction after Easter and so no doubt will be after some advice. I like the mottos - mine is 'Chin up, Gin down!' Works for me.

Buns Hiya! You have had a hell of a year and some. I hope it improves for you and your mum and dad soon. I know just how tough it is caring for and fretting about elderly relatives. Sounds like you have done brilliantly with getting yourself back on track. Hope your recon goes well. I love my new boobs

Speedy good to hear from you

"Chin up, gin down" .... Love it!

Too late to comment on everyones updates but I do like reading them x

Thanks Marshy- glad your back is easing up now.

Endless- I like the fact you can flex your boob as a party trick!

Nanny- hope you are less sore today.

Salhal- hope the chemo isn't making you feel too ill.

Buns- good to hear from you- I went to a ball last night and my boobs looked fab in my dress. Very happy with the result. I will now win on the pencil test compared to all my friends .

Hi. I'm new to this thread. I am having a colonoscopy on Tuesday. Doing the bowel prep tomorrow. I have had right sided abdominal pain for a while that has got worse. Gallstones have been ruled out. My dad died of colorectal cancer so it's looking highly likely I have it. I am so frightened. I can't eat. I can't sleep. I can barely look at my kids in the face. How on earth can I cope with the anxiety? It's just a living hell. Sorry I'm sure many people on this thread are dealing with worse.

Hi majestic, welcome, sorry for my ignorance, is colorectal a form of bowel cancer, or something different? Hopefully someone with specific advice will be along to reassure you, in the meantime, feel free to rant and angst here. Whatever your diagnosis, this period before you have any certainty is emotionally the worst - I promise. The lack of control is disabling, if your diagnosis is as you feared as soon as you have a treatment plan you are in a position to take back some control. Try and look after yourself, get hold of some sleeping tablets, is there anything that can provide a distraction - how long will you have to wait for results?