**Tamoxigang Thread 52** With virtual tea, cakes and chat for all with cancer concerns

[Lilymaid]

We were almost at our 1000 post limit for Thread 51 - hope the title is OK but wanted people to know that we aren't just about people on Tamoxifen but for all with cancer concerns!

The wig/scarf / natural choice is a very personal one. I was like Lily and always wore my wig out. I just wanted to walk round sainsburys and go out etc without people knowing that I'd got cancer and giving sympathetic looks. Mine was about £150 and very natural looking

Look good feel better is brilliant I would definitely advise anyone to book one of their sessions, just gives you a boost at the time you need a bit of self confidence

I couldn't work during chemo as I'm a teacher but did go out and about as normal when I felt up to it. I did have weeks when I just wanted to stay at home and see no one, looking back I was quite depressed and should have done something about it really. Just mentioning that so no one else feels bad about not always being strong and positive !

I haven't posted for a while - I find it hard to keep up with everyone! Chemo brain fog doesn't help either. I'm half way through my T- FEC so had all the Tax and starting the FEC next week. Up till now I've been quite positive and upbeat but this week I just feel so tired, useless, and ugly. I'm tearful, and incredibly grumpy with my poor kids. Has anyone else had times like this? How do you deal with it? Sorry to come on here and just moan

fifi yes definitely I've have had long periods of being down and grumpy. I went through this over the long winter and now Spring has sprung am back to being more positive. It's normal and when on my own I did wallow in my depression. I needed to. We need to mourn our old and new lives... But I did make a concerted effort to not take it out on DH and DD. I made DD cry a few times when I was particularly snappy and made a lot of effort to control my negative emotions around her.

Fifi, my darkest hours were in the days after each dose of chemo when I felt I would never be well again. Luckily dd spent a lot of time with her grandparents and friends so was out of reach of me being grumpy. If you're finding things really bad, is there a counselling service you could make use of? Someone independent who you can moan and groan to? I can't offer any wise words I'm afraid other than that I do bounce back each time I'm down so I know it's never forever.

Feeling a bit down right now though as one of our oldest friends was told yesterday that there is nothing more they can do for his cancer and he only has weeks to live. He has a dd of 15 and ds of 9. F*g b*d cancer

fifi I think it hits us all. I found it worst when I was more than half way through chemo when it seemed a long way to the end and I felt tired, nauseous etc. I now feel bad periodically - waiting for scan results, hearing my current treatment isn't working well etc. All I can do is fill my life with distraction. But when I am on my own, not working, not much else to do, I can get very gloomy.
There is counselling available via places like Maggie's Centres, if not via your GP. Many people find that Mindfulness techniques help.

Thanks for your replies. Lilymaid and Bsshbosh am I right in thinking that you are both on long term treatment? That must be really hard, finding the strength to keep going. I slept better last night so feel a bit brighter today. I had a really busy weekend which wiped me out so have had a very quiet week to try to recover but I don't really cope well when I don't see people!

sorry I meant to say minty I'm so sorry to hear about your friend. I have a good friend who is in a similar situation - it's heart breaking

Hi marshy the appointment is today, I fact right now. Am sat waiting for news. Do you think they'll be able to tell her if it's suspicious there and then?
How longish does appointment take?

We went out at the weekend and got hideously drunk. She's convinced herself it's all fine

Hope everyone is ok

Fifi I have secondary breast cancer in the bones (i.e. my breast cancer has mestastasized and may spread elsewhere - e.g. lungs, liver, brain). I work full time and have a pretty full life. But I am currently incurable and run the significant risk that one day the treatments will run out. For the majority of people on this thread, the cancer hasn't spread outside its original site. They have a very good chance of being "cured" and "cancer free".

Thanks everyone for sharing your experiences and answering my many questions!

Am sitting in the hospital waiting to have my portacath fitted, which is proving very useful indeed (the 3 hour early check in!) as it means I am finally able to catch up with all the admin that having cancer generates. We have been in the UK since Sunday with the 3DC and we're trying to make it a holiday for them, but obviously I am leaving DH to look after them a lot as I go for ECGs, pelvic ultrasounds, PET/CT scans, oncologist appointments etc. By the time I am done with all of that, it's bathtime and bed, and then 9pm and barely enough time to ring everyone and give them updates before starting it all again the next day! I have 28 things on my cancer-to-do list including getting eyebrows tattooed on, getting a pixie crop haircut, buying a wig, sorting transfer of 2nd half of chemo to Italian medical system etc etc... it just never ends. As well as seeing everyone - obvious because we are back home everyone wants to see us (and us them!) and especially in light of our news, but trying to get around everyone, plus everything else, is just exhausting.

In terms of final diagnosis, the other 2 smaller lumps in my left breast are also malignant so will have complete mastectomy. BRCA testing to follow, so potentially the right boob will go too. PET/CT scans clear, and lymph nodes look fine too, so I am stage 2 (because of the multi-focal nature of the 2 lumps in the same breast). Am relieved it is "only" stage 2 of course.

6 months of chemo starting on Tuesday, followed by surgery. No rads the onc thinks at this stage but we'll see.

My work are being amazing - I will be able to get chemo in UK and Italy and then surgery in UK, all privately. So relieved it has worked out in that way so I am not separated from the kids too much.

I am about to be taken down so will come back and post again once I have had a chance to read through everyone else's posts!

fifi my cancer is incurable; it's spread and inoperable so I am on chemo for life until it stops working. Like lily I lead a full life though. We need to make the most of this wonderful life and I still have my amazing family to spend time with and enjoy.

Boobz you are an amazing woman and your energy is astounding .

My mum was diagnosed with breast cancer this week and is having a mastectomy and lymph node clearance next week. She's got huge boobs and we're looking for a bra to use post surgery. She's a 36k. Has anybody any recommendations. Thanks

Respect to all you wonderful women..... I am in awe of you all.

How's it going chesty?

It was good news marshy
Huge big group of cysts, they've drained them and discharged her.
Very relieved.

Thanks for advice all, much love

Hi fifi – sorry to hear you are feeling shit. I am kind of hoping the anti sickness pills and exercise I plan to do (once I’m allowed to exercise again, post excision biopsy) will keep me feeling relatively well, but I don’t know if it’s all just a bit ambitious and I am kidding myself.

Sorry to hear about your friend minty, and your mumneedthesunshine. I have no idea about bras I am afraid – I am pre mastectomy.

Such amazing news chesty - I hope we never see you on this thread again! No offence!

BsshBosh - that’s really lovely of you to say but I’m not sure I deserve any praise! I haven’t done anything yet apart from being super impatient about getting a diagnosis (and a bit of discomfort from the lumpectomy and now this portacath). I think the real test of how amazing and energetic I am is still to come – DH has seen my rubbish patient style too many times in the past (I can’t even cope with hangovers now I am 35) so we are both fearing I am not going to Cope Well with this. Fingers crossed though! Also, it should be noted I have a super nanny who works for us (and is practically part of the family as she’s been with us since the eldest was 20 months and all of our littlest two’s lives) and an incredibly supportive husband so I am well set up to get on with this.

Saveme I owe you a PM – will send tomorrow after kids in bed – we are off to the Science Museum tomorrow so DH can get a decent day at the office. Am hoping none of the buggers knock my new friend in my right shoulder!

chesty that's the best kind of news I hope you have a celebration planned with her. How fab for her to know what a good friend she has in you.

needthesunshine sorry to hear about your mum. Sports bras are usually recommended for post surgery but it doesn't sound as if that would be very helpful for her. Is she having any kind of reconstruction do you know? There are various websites which do post surgery bras although I can't recommend from personal experience - someone else might be along who can.

My best suggestion would be for your mum to have a chat with her breast care nurse about what might be best

that's brilliant news chesty!
boobz I'm intrigued by the eyebrow tatoos! Are they done in one session? I haven't lost my eyebrows yet or my lashes though I'm only half way through. saving a fortune on threading and waxing though as I've lost leg, underarm and facial hair apart from my eyebrows which have retained their shape and not needed threaded since I started chemo. There have to be some benefits to this horrible process

boobz do you know what chemo you are having?

I got my post op bra from lessbounce on the internet. They were really helpful. I bought three different types but only managed to fit into one of them. It was a brilliant fit, even the physio couldn't fault it.

It's also helpful to get a packet of bra expanders from Dunelm or Debenhams as this will give added leeway for swelling.

The breast care nurse should advise on the right sort.

Other things I would swear by for hospital, or just after, include slippy pyjamas so it's easier to slide up and down the hospital bed, a sports cap water bottle so it can be kept on the bed to avoid stretching, lots of pillows including a v pillow (I'd heard that if you keep the arm that's had the lymphs done elevated it reduces the risk of lymph problems), arnica tablets to boost healing (check with the doc before taking), sore throat sweets, moist toilet wipes and a freezer full of homemade dinners!

Gosh it's been busy on here since I last looked.

Boobz, very pleased to hear a plan is coming together at last.

Minty, how are you coping with the rads?

We've had a difficult week, hearing about how ill dbil is. As if that wasn't enough his daughter has just been diagnosed too, operation next week. How much pain can one family take?

I had my initial appt at The Haven in Leeds yesterday, all very nice. I have booked 6 sessions of acupuncture and one with a nutritionist to see if tweaks to my diet might help the flushes and disturbed nights. I don't start until mid May but will report back.

Feeling a bit unhappy today, a result of being back in the world of breast cancer yesterday, awful family news and my first post treatment mammogram appt coming through. Not looking forward to that, I can only imagine its going to really hurt not to mention the three week wait for results.

mrsrhod to you and yours. What a difficult time...

Have some before you see the nutritionist! So sorry to hear about the family.

The Haven acupuncture is amazing. I've had a couple of sessions and am sleeping much better. I hope it works for you too.

Hi all, just wondering whether anyone has had their period return after two and a half years. I had radiotherapy following lump removal,then zoladex injections for two years. The injections stopped in November. Now my period has returned, which has thrown me a bit. I went to the gp,who reassured me this was normal ( but has referred me for a scan). I feel a little confused by it all - I thought my periods had ended for good, and now they are back!

Hi river my periods returned a year after Chemo finished, although having said that I've only had 2 since they returned in Jan!! I would think it's perfectly normal for your periods to return now you are not having the zoladex injections. As far as I know those injections shut down your ovaries. So after 6 months drug free your ovaries are working again. The scan is just for them to make sure there's nothing else going on! I had one and then had a hysteroscopy! But other than a little thickening and a few polyps all was fine!

Hope that helps you relax a little xx