Being stupid about cold sores

[MrsBenadrylCrumplesnork]

Hello you lot, please talk me out of this because I'm being a daft cow.

I have to admit this is was triggered by a thread in Relationships about herpes, and some of the PPs there were talking about how they don't feel ashamed of having herpes because people who have cold sores don't, so why should they if they have the same thing in a different place! I agree with this mentality entirely, and I do think there is a huge stigma around herpes that isn't necessarily warranted.

BUT- I get cold sores and have done my whole life, someone gave them to me as a baby, and I am so so so so ashamed of them, I feel guilty for having them. It was worse when I was younger, especially around 14/15 when my peers realised what it actually was (a strain of herpes) and my hormones meant I'd get four or five at a time so I'd be in a lot of pain and my mouth completely disfigured Even now if I could 'swap' to genital herpes I would, so that I can keep it to myself and don't have to wear an STI on my face whenever I get tired or cold or stressed, or whatever happens to start it off this time. I have quite petite features so even if I only have one it seems to overwhelm my face, I am constantly paranoid people will see them, because if they seem they would write me off completely as someone to consider as a sexual partner or for a relationship.

It doesn't help that while I have read the statistics that almost everyone is infected, I never see anyone else apart from me and my sister (who got them as a baby like me, presumably from the same person) having them. No celebrities ever seem to get them, the people I see around me at work or university, all through school... nothing. I distinctly remember the two times I have ever seen other people with cold sores in my whole life, and even then they were just strangers in the street that happened to pass me.

So please, talk some sense into me! Even though I know otherwise, I honestly struggle to believe other people get cold sores and that they're not some weird disgusting thing only I have, so if you get them I'd really appreciate you telling me, and how you treat them. At the moment I use the compeed patches which makes it less stressful having them because I never have to touch it throughout, but they are expensive and obviously can't prevent them. If you don't get cold sores, I would be very grateful if you could say exactly what you think of them and someone who has them. I seem to be convinced that they must be repulsive and disgusting to someone who hasn't had them.

I'm very sorry for such a long post about something so trivial and self absorbed!

Thanks for all your replies, I really appreciate it. Reading your stories has made me feel a lot better and less isolated about getting them so obviously, and I will definitely look into the UV thing. Can someone tell me a bit more about acyclovir (sp?), how I can take it, what it is/does, where I can buy it?
As you can probably tell I have one right now, I feel like my body hates me at the moment as I have a sinus infection, shark week and a huge blistering cold sore right on my cupid's bow all the way up to my nose! I feel truly rotten at the moment. Is it true you can't get genital herpes if you get cold sores? I remember as a very young child my parents telling me to wash my hands with very hot water before using the loo or touching my eyes. Struck the fear of god into me, I've always believed every time I get one I'm at risk of giving myself genital herpes and that really would be shit. To get an STI and not even any shagging to show for it!

Can I just ask those of you who don't get them, if you were romantically interested in someone, and then you saw them get a cold sore, would it put you off? I can't help feeling it must do, they're so ugly, without even covering the stigma attached to it. Or have I made that up and everyone else thinks cold sores are fine?? I'm very conscious of that at the moment as I am eternally single, but hoping to meet someone at some point but I can't help feeling this will just repel people.

Sorry for being so self absorbed, as you'll understand it's all I can think about because every time I speak or move my face I'm aware of it! At work this morning, I thought to myself "Don't smile too wide, don't crack it, don't laugh, don't open your mouth too wide" every time I tried to have a conversation with anyone! Even just sat minding my own business I can feel it throbbing Does anyone know if ibuprofen would work?

FuckYouChris thank you so much for your kind words, I've seen you posting around before and I think very highly of your opinion! It means a lot to me that you've taken the time to tell me you don't think I'm gross

MrsB, oddly enough I actually had the conversation with dh once. I had something on my lip and I was worried it was a cold sore and had no idea where it had come from (I think it was actually a bite of some kind), so I asked dh if he'd still want to kiss me if I had a cold sore. He told me he'd just snog my face off until he had it too, and it wouldn't bother him one bit :)

Give ibuprofen a go, it could well help with the pain. Don't sit and suffer! It must be horrible with the pain constantly reminding you it's there. But I'm sure you are far more aware of it than anyone else.

And I'm very at your kind words too

I'm 40+ and I've had recurring cold sores since I was a child. I maybe get one or two outbreaks a year, usually in autumn/winter and a sign I'm a bit run down or stressed. Yes they're not pretty, and they're annoying, but I've never felt ashamed of getting them. Not my fault. And nothing to do with an STI!

None of my serious boyfriends, certainly not DP (of 19 years) has been in the least bit bothered by them. That said, cold sores are quite contagious during an outbreak, so you might want to be careful about not passing it on during that week or so. But the same would apply to, say, tonsilitis, or chicken pox, or flu. So, I can't see it happening, but if anyone was put off having a relationship with you just because you get the odd cold sore, I'd say you'd had a lucky break in avoiding wasting your time on a trivial, flaky so and so.

As for treatments, Aciclovir/Zovirax cream does help. Particularly if you can catch it at the very start, but even at the blister stage, it probably contains it a bit. You can buy it at any pharmacy, without prescription. E.g. www.boots.com/en/Zovirax-Cold-Sore-Cream-2g-Tube_15644/

When I had a cold sore whilst pregnant, a pharmacist advised me not to use Aciclovir in pregnancy, but to stick with the Compeed patches. I found they helped the appearance a bit, helped it feel more comfortable and helped guard against it spreading until it went away on its own. So I've used the patches ever since, including when I had another outbreak when DD was a newborn. I was terrified of passing it onto her (as can be quite nasty for newborns) but I didn't (just through normal careful hygeine and Compeed patches).

I don't know how to say this without sounding harsh, but I think you need to do some work on your attitude. In your own words, you know you're being "daft". And you are being irrational, IMHO. You probably already know that a massive chunk of the population (over 50% or something) has the cold sore virus. You probably know that the majority of cold sores are caused by Herpes Simplex Type 1, whereas the majority of cases of genital herpes are caused by Herpes Simplex Type 2. I wonder whether some of how you feel about cold sores stems from being teased/bullied by some ignorant kids at school when you were 14/15? You can't let teenage bullies ruin your whole life - recognise they were talking nonsense cr*p.

Try to break the association in your mind between cold sores and genital herpes. I wonder whether getting a sexual health check might help to reassure you that you're absolutely fine??? And it might help to get answers to your questions from a medical professional.

Google something like "walk in GU clinic" + the city where you live, and you'll find the details for a Genitourinary Medicine clinic (they deal with more than just STIs) who can give you a totally confidential check up and a chat. Or look at www.fpa.org.uk/find-a-clinic?gclid=COuO2KPJoMQCFQOy2wodugoAig

If you're suffering right now you could start taking a high dose of L-Lysine. I can't remember the facts right now but I think the treatment dose is 3000mg and prevention dose is 1000mg. Have a google - lots of people swear by it. Can you get to a health food shop or order from Amazon today ?

I've been taking L Lysine tabs since September last year and no cold sores so far and I've been quite run down with repeated viral infections since December. I got a monster cold sore when I went on holiday to Spain last year and it ruined my holiday.

You can also get lip balms containing L Lysine too.

Prior to the L Lysine I put own label acyclovir on the cold sore then cover with a Compeed patch. If you don't feel comfortable using the patches at work, try some when you get home. Remove and reapply acyclovir cream and new patches at bed time.

Sorry you're going through this.

DP won't kiss me when I have one but that's very bloody sensible as otherwise he'll end up with them too. But he doesn't think I'm disgusting or anything like that, he just feels sorry for me as he knows they're painful and that they get me down. I would imagine most people would feel the same and tbh if a bloke is put off you purely because you have a cold sore he is most definitely not worth bothering with anyway!

PS. I too am terrified of transmitting them 'downstairs' so am very very careful re touching / handwashing etc. That on its own is pretty bloody stressful!

I always tell DH not to kiss me when I've got one but he ignores me and does it anyway! They don't bother him at all. He seems to be immune luckily.

Like the above posters, I kiss my husband with a coldsore, and I've never got one. I must be immune too.

I have also suffered since childhood with cold sores, my mum and dad both got them, and must have passed them on.

Please please try Lysine if you get them often. I don't take a preventative dose every day, but as soon as I feel them coming up, I take high doses for a few days. Also holding ice over it, as often as possible for as long as possible helps me.

They really get me down too, and I seem to have them on every photo and for every big occasion. Also get shingles sometimes, but thankfully only mild cases so far.