mole worry (health anx sufferer )

[ballofworry]

hi , i suffer with health anxiety and am feeling bad today ,

i have many moles dark ones tan ones , i have checked every 6 months by a skin clinic (my own choice ) where they take pics compare and a dermitologist comes and checks me to , been doing this for 5 years .
i have a freckle /mole tan in colour changed got a bigger on my chest , went last week for my 6 month check and they said it looked fine "at the moment " but if any changes to come back ...
i cant stop self checking and worrying what if it does change ....they said the darker ones are ones to watch to but none of mine have changed over years as yet so thats good .
i know to many this seems silly and an over reaction but i cant rid of this fear in my head even contemplating going back again ....or having it removed ..

any advice ...? kind words ....thanks for listening

I've no idea why ...I just can't stop , I lost my mum 4 years ago was very sudden and I've still not coped with that I always think worst case synario ...although I was bad before loosing her I am worse now

I'm going tomorrow to get this one on my leg checked out and to look at agin the one on my chest ....hopefully all will be ok and I can stop self checking ....I know till the next thing , I had blood test results saying I have low whit blood count slightly so trying not to google or think into that ...

Thanks for listening to me rant on I'm a hopeless case I feel

But you know you won't stop checking, don't you?
It all sounds a bit like a smoker who says they want to give up- always after 'just one last ciggie today'.

If you really want to conquer this then you need to stop now. Cancel the dermo appt, or suggest your GP refers you on the NHS- if they won't then that ought to reassure you.

You know this is a mental health issue- you need support from counselling or CBT and although I am sympathetic up to a point I also feel a bit cross with you ( in a kindly way) when people are dealing with SO much more tragedy in their lives and you'd be taking away an NHS appt from those people who really have far greater issues.

You are right , I hate myself being this way , I am waiting CBT , but thanks for listening

Only you can help yourself and hating yourself will only make it worse. sounds as if insecurity and low self worth are adding to your problems.
This may be very simplistic way of looking at it but are you attention-seeking with this behaviour- ie always at the drs? Is this a manifestation of grief and losing a parent that you have not processed? Is this missing your mum showing itself by you turning in on yourself and focusing too much on things other people would dismiss?You might find grief counselling is what helps but you'd need to fund that yourself.

I had two moles change neither was dodgy. One got raised no change in size but was previously flat. One got crusty but after some moisturiser Dr said just v dry skin and over tight bra! Please dont worry but just keep eye on it.

Thank you sazzie41 . Funny you should mention one of your moles as the one on my chest was just a flat mole , but chaned now ( over time) slightly raised and bit smudged but the dermatologist said was fine ... I use bio oil now as I find that helps the dryness