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Not sure anyone will be willing to divulge but...

44 replies

ktab · 19/01/2015 01:13

How long was it until you had sex after having baby and how is your sex life now? I'm struggling a bit with it all...

OP posts:
pinkfrocks · 19/01/2015 17:43

I didn't get much more than 2 hours consecutive sleep with both of mine for the first 6 months so sex was right at the bottom of my list. I was also an older mum- mid 30s- and we don't bounce back as fast as the young uns who are 19! And I was BF for all those 6 months.

Relax- whatever works for you is ok- you've the rest of your life to get back in the saddle.

Sid77 · 19/01/2015 17:52

6 months with DS2 here - can't remember with DS1... Breastfeeding makes me feel totally unsexy and DS2 only slept on me for the first 6 months. He's 15 months now, in still BFing and things are better but sporadic. DS is a rubbish sleeper and I would rather sleep than have sex! OH is a bit out out but knows that things will get back to normal sooner or later.

yazz21 · 19/01/2015 17:58

8 days, only had a slight labial tear though. I remember it being really hard to wait that long! Whilst pregnant my sex drive had decreased a bit. However, pretty much the day after giving birth it came flooding back! Definately more intense after dd was born. It brought us closer together.

pinkfrocks · 19/01/2015 18:04

sid77 eh ?

Amummyatlast · 19/01/2015 18:11

6 weeks - I wanted to make sure everything still worked. Plus, we'd had no sex during my pregnancy (miracle baby, so risking nothing) and I wanted to feel close to DH again.

parkshadows · 19/01/2015 21:25

6 weeks for intercourse, no tears. We did 'other things' before that - think after about a week. Only waited that long because I was told I had to!

ktab · 20/01/2015 01:18

Strawberryshoes and sid77 you sum up how I feel. I almost feel like crying with relief and pinkfrocks thank you, that totally puts it into perspective, we do have the rest of our lives to 'get back in the saddle'.

I agree, I feel terribly shy, very unsexy and I'm far from 19 and would definitely rather sleep than have sex.

THE RELIEF. I always think of myself as very confident and able to cope with the pressure and judgement of others (direct or indirect) but becoming a mum has sent me silly. I'd read recently about '12 months without sex after childbirth amounting to a failed marriage' and it panicked me. Obviously it isn't a year since childbirth but not far off that since we last had sex (far too pregnant and uncomfortable )!

Thank you, thank you, thank you!

OP posts:
OliviaRinHerts · 20/01/2015 06:03

Ktab

I've no advice as such (I'm in the same boat) but For what it's worth we didn't have sex during pregnancy as I had two previous failed pregnancies and was scared..... My husband felt the same... Our ds is five months (talking loudly in his cot at the moment) so that's make a sex free 2014 and we still haven't managed it. I'm wishing my mumsnet name wasn't so easily identifiable as me now Grin

Poor hubby. He did mention it about 6 weeks ago - id had a traumatic birth, a third degree tear and an episiotomy and the stitches only came out at three months so he wasn't pushing and we've tried to find time since but have failed and the longer we leave it the worse I'm feeling about it. I'm flabby. Exhausted, my boobs Are noticeably two different sizes as I'm still Breatsfeeding and one side is the more favoured and I feel so unsexy!

That said, I met another mum recently for a coffee and she said a year so i didn't feel so bad.
THIS WEEKEND!

Good luck !

Florin · 20/01/2015 06:39

3 weeks. I did have a quick birth though with no pain relief as no time for it so recovered quite quickly. Had 2nd degree tear but that healed with no pain or problems. I also had problems breastfeeding so gave up very quickly which I think helped me feel more like the old new much more quickly. Our son also slept through from 10 weeks so that made is less sleep deprived. We have a reasonably good sex life now. However we have to work at it to make the time. Our 2 year old normally comes in to our bed in the morning so that is the mornings out and at night we tend to be knackered. However we feel it is really important to make sure we make the time for it. At weekends if possible when our son goes down for a 2 hour nap we go straight in to our bedroom too. In the week we either go to bed mega early often taking a glass of wine with us or sometimes make time after our son has gone to bed before dinner. We feel it is a really important part of our relationship.

Groovee · 20/01/2015 06:43

8 months first time round, due to the stitches, with dd.

2 weeks with Ds.

12 years on, sex is pretty good.

bigbluestars · 20/01/2015 06:48

10 days. I had easy births, with no damage.
My enjoyment of sex has increased dramatically after having my first child.( and it was fun before)

ktab · 20/01/2015 11:05

Haha, OliviaRinHerts! I think breastfeeding has lots to do with it. I have to be honest and admit, too that I've hated every single second of breastfeeding, there is nothing I've liked about it, but I felt it was my duty to my baby, he is an on and off every 5 seconds type of feeder who digs his nails in and screams constantly during, but clearly he loves his milk so I refused to give up...

Yep, having an episiotomy really doesn't help either. Urgh!

I have to say, though, that my husband has been extremely understanding about everything, he has had a difficult time recently and I suppose it has put a big strain on us but he doesn't pressure or nag (but would clearly jump at the chance) which has helped me in a way... Saying that, I do wonder if he had asked more if I would have 'got it over with', poor hubbies, they can't win, haha.

Those of you who are saying that some years later you're still enjoying a good sex life do give me hope, I know it's a generic thing to say but previous to being a mum I was very sexually confident and loved sex etc.

Basically the before and after versions of me, in nearly every aspect are completely different but I don't want to place too much emphasis on sex, like Florin, I believe it's important but I don't think I could maintain as diverse and exciting sex life as I once did because ultimately I really am not that fussed...

OP posts:
Cat2014 · 20/01/2015 11:07

7 months

OliviaRinHerts · 20/01/2015 11:57

Every time I ask my husband now if he wants it he laughs. He realises now he's knackered too! Sometimes we both say yes but we are really joking and double bluffing as it's the last thing we want to do. At least we are laughing about it

I've not had a period yet but want another baby soon so sex will be back on the cards when I'm fertile again that's for sure!

FoulsomeAndMaggotwise · 20/01/2015 21:23

7 weeks. It was awful. Sorry! Physically it wasn't too bad (I had a second degree tear and lots of "grazing" the MW called it.) but I was a little tender and nervous, which meant that DH couldn't... finish. I took that really really personally and thought I felt loose and I'd never be able to make him come ever again. He always maintained that it wasn't anything to do with that, it was that he was so worried about hurting me.

We did it again at 3 months and it was great! After that it was totally back to normal.

crje · 20/01/2015 21:29

10 days
3 weeks
4weeks
4 weeks

No stitches , was quite roomy but dh was very kind and never saidBlush

I missed the closeness and always feel happier after sex as does dh.

TellmetogetonwithmyWork · 20/01/2015 22:53

5 months. I remember an nct friend announcing her second pregnancy after her 12w scan and I had only had sex for the first time the week before!
I got some cream from the docs, a local anaesthetic that took the worry away. Dc2 followed not long after and I think it was about 8 weeks that time (still had the cream). Good luck

ktab · 20/01/2015 23:42

Some of these posts are quite comical! Grin

We have planned a nice weekend together, not this one but the next so we will see how we get on! Smile

OP posts:
Sleepyhoglet · 21/01/2015 17:41

Sex what?! I do have a 10 week old baby and where would I put her seeing as she doesn't sleep!!

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