Now .. I know what you`re going to say . It's the pregnancy hormones that make me say this.. etc etc. But really.. I did the mistake to weigh myself today ( something I avoided doing since I got pregnant because I knew it will throw me into a state of panic and self loathing). I was always overweight - literally since birth, and no amount of diet work to the point where I simply stopped because I was convinced I will never be normal. then last year after waking up from a long coma I went on Atkins and started to simply shed the kilos. I gave up smoking too-right around the time I found out I was pregnant . And now I'm back to being HUGE. I have never been this fat. Or pregnant. And I hate myself for being selfish enough to wish I wasn't pregnant just because of this stupid reason. I love my son and I would never not want to have him, but I am HORRIFIED I will spend all my life being a fat blob. It didn't strike me that bad until last night when my husband and I were talking and he told me about how he wants to maintain a good physical aspect because he wants our son to be proud of him ( like for example when there are school events and such.. ).
I just feel .. sad :(