**Tamoxigang thread 51**... no more sangria, but maybe some mulled wine!

[MarthaCostello]

Hello all,

The old thread has nearly run out so I hope no one minds me making a new one. And am I allowed to mention the Big C... Christmas?! our last thread was started in July so I reckon this one might take us into December.

In honour of that, I will lay out some mulled wine, mince pies and I have wrapped myself in tinsel.

A warm welcome to jomidmum, but sorry you've had to join us. No one wants to be in this club, but this thread is a rather nice place to be. Wishing you a speedy recovery from your op, and hoping the pain eases soon.

Massive hugs to beccajoh

A big yippee for Marshy, what utterly fantastic news.

Sitting on the paranoia box for ConsiderablyBiggerBuns, I hope your MRI results are good - when will you hear?

Waving and sending love to everyone else.

I wonder if seeing as we are on a new thread, it might be worth just giving a bit of history for new posters? I will put mine anyway, and then others can if they want to. I am coming up to two years since my bowel cancer diagnosis (grade 2, stage 3c, T2N2M0R0). I had major bowel surgery and six months of chemo.

Oh dear. Surprise birthday weekend for ds, planned months ago and after overcoming many issues to stay on track with it, everything is going pear shaped...

I though we were still going to manage it, even when my youngest nephew came down with chickenpox at the start of the school hols. I avoided them all over xmas just to be safe. He's now over it but his brother (who we thought had already had it), is now coming out in pox.
Unfortunately I spent the day with them on Saturday and am having a panic because he was likely contagious at that point. He sat on my sofa not 10 feet away from me for a good 2 hours, and then we all spent the rest of the afternoon at my parents house.

I have rung the chemo unit and left a message, but they haven't come back to me yet. I have had chickpox and so has ds. But not sure whether than counts for anything now I'm having chemo.

Also not sure what it means in terms of spending this weekend with them (along with the rest of the family). Clearly dn can't go in the swimming pool and subtropical paradise if he's still spotty. Also my 3 nephews are meant to be sharing a chalet with me and ds over the weekend. Not that it will make any difference what chalet they are in as we're all going to be spending time together over the weekend.

My sister seems to think it'll be fine as long as his spots have scabbed over by Friday. Does anyone have any idea if that's correct or if I should be avoiding any contact regardless?

I do so want ds to have a fab surprise birthday weekend, especially after Christmas was such a washout. Really not sure what to do for the best now :(

Thanks for all your responses. Looks like nail polish is the way to go and teenager daughter has volunteered to be my beautician. I've also bought a new eyeliner this afternoon to make up for the disappearing lower lashes so am determined to try and feel more positive about my appearance.

Sounds like not many opt to do without reconstruction so am wondering if I could barter my lack of reconstruction into free liposuction on my belly or bingo wings to provide a better profile as I may end up with a strong resemblance to Babapapa.

Had my first day back at work today after being away from it all for November and December. I've been trying to get back to work for a month but had to see Occ Health first who gave me a glowing report so they have begrudgingly allocated my alternative duties to last until the end of chemo. I'm knackered now but glad to be out of the house!

Pissed off that I still have loads of leg hair and periods - I'd quite like to say goodbye to those....

gilly what a total pain about your trip. I don't know the answer i'm afraid. Hopefully someone will be along soon who does or the unit will get back to you. Has everyone else in the party definitely had it in the past?

Oh clean that is pants. As smee says, they will get it all and you will get through this but how upsetting for you that it wasn't all done and dusted with the initial op. It is an interesting query you raise gilly about whether you lose immunity to illness during chemo. My gut reaction is that you don't purely based on that fact that due to not having a spleen I had to have a number of additional immunisations before I started chemo - I'm not sure they would have bothered if I would lose immunity anyway. If you get an answer, please share.

Just a quickie cos dashing C&S back at work/school. Re immunity, I asked my oncologist and if you have any chemo that is targeting the bone marrow ie leukaemia, they suggest you get re-immunised but he said not necessary for breast cancer.

Hope everyone has a good day.

C&S???? cos

Don't ask- have they told you about reconstruction using belly tissue? Would that get two birds with one stone?!

Hello all - and newer folks.
Nails and tax; I asked for their frozen mitts for my hands...and used my own bags of frozen veg (wrapped well) for toes. It stops the chemo from getting into much of the fingers/toes and helps save the nails. And I wore nail polish. Worth having a go at both things.

What I can say about breast cancer treatment right now is that it's getting better by the month. There are so many new potions and combinations that the teams can barely read the results fast enough. Never, ever google, because Google is not your friend. All its materials tend to be years old.

As long as teams spot what's there, and treat it with the right potions, surgery and radiotherapy at the right time, even the most widely spread cancer can be turned into just a long term nuisance these days. Local teams are great for early stage cancer. Specialist centres are often the best for anything that's gone beyond breast and nodes. And getting a full genetic test of the cancer is now possible (may be private...could be expensive...) which means teams can tailor treatment even more precisely.

Things that science knows help to slow down cancer: Take a good dose of Vitamin D. Talk to the team about taking a low dose aspirin (important to get their permission for that one - it can cause nasty side effects). Take curcumin supplements. Take lactoferrin supplement. Sleep in a very dark room. Have as relaxing and cheering a social life as you can manage. Don't try to fight it using an aggressive 'I will defeat this, arrgh, take that, cancer!" way. (They found that people with that attitude did worse than people who treated cancer as a bit of a minor nuisance and tried to ignore it and carry on with normalish life in whatever way was possible).

None of that is a cure, but all of it helps in small ways. Do chat with team about all of it and see what else they can suggest.

Ok saveme and anyone else of course!

I'll try and explain my reasons for deciding.not to have reconstruction and hopefully they will make sense. In no particular order!:

I don't like the idea of having anything foreign inside me - I even hated the portocath which was obviously there to help me, so implants didn't appeal at all. Also, I was told that they don't last forever and the thought of having to have another op in 5 or 10 years time did not appeal.

I gave a lot of thought to the using my tummy fat option (sadly there is lots to use!) but I wanted the simplest operation with the least recovery time. It's hard to explain but as far as I am concerned, having breast cancer has been a year-long chapter in my life. As far as I am concerned, it's now over and I just wanted it over and done with as quickly as possible. (It's obviously no-where as simple as that but that's my philosophy at the moment)

With regards to the fact I don't have any boobs and 2 quite significant scars is one I am ok with. I was worried how I would react the first time I saw myself, but strangely enough it was really ok and 6 months on, it's feels pretty normal. I have never been particularly body conscious and when I'm dressed, you obviously would never know. DH has been fantastic and we talked a lot about the decision as it obviously impacts on him as well. He was 100% supportive which made it much easier. I am nearly 50 which also has influenced my decision.

Both my boys have seen me naked (I gave them the choice obviously) and they seem to have taken it in their stride. I did/do worry a lot about the effect it will have on them but I hope it will make them realise that it doesn't matter what someone looks like, it's the person inside....etc. DS1 hasn't hit pubity yet so doesn't see breasts as "sex objects" yet, so I guess only time will tell.

Phew, this has turned into a bit of an essay. I hope it helps although it's obviously such a personal decision. Please feel free to ask if you have any questions.

Forgot to add, no reconstruction was my initial gut reaction from the second I was diagnosed. All the thought and soul searching that followed just crystallised my feelings but I'm a great believer in listening to my gut and, so far, it's the right decision.

Also, my surgeon said there is no time limit if I change my mind. He has had patients who decide years later that they do want to reconstruct. I honestly can't see that happening but it's good to know the option is there.

Thank you for that. It's interesting to understand different perspectives. It sounds like our gut reactions were at opposite ends of the spectrum. Mine was very much rebuild, rebuild, rebuild (although I have since revised this and I would now be happy for them to be a bit smaller than before).

I do wonder if life would be easier in some ways without them though.

wine, that's a great post and very thoughtful. Good on you for knowing so clearly and doing just that. I think a lot of us are more dithery especially at diagnosis. I know I was. Great that your boys are so supportive. My son is a bit freaked by my scars and intrigued by no nipples, but most definitely doesn't want to see anymore, though I have overheard him v.matter of fact telling his mate that I have 'awesome scars', so clearly I'm almost cool!

saveme it's a tricky choice isn't it? Thought it worth sharing this, not to freak you out but more because nobody told me that with implants you might need more ops to get them right. Admittedly mine was more protracted as I had my mastectomies a year apart, but I've now had 6 ops and still no nipples! Two of those were due to problems/ infection, so possibly I was unlucky, but it's worth asking your surgeon maybe how much correction / further ops are normal in their experience and factor that into your decision.

clean, hope you're okay and have a plan more in place now for what's next.

Waving to our Amber Great post with important info as ever.

Thanks, Smee. I heard the failure rate for implants is 10%, which is terrifying thought provoking. I'll check this with the surgeon.

save, yes I've heard that too, but mine haven't failed they just needed lots of tweaking!

Just popping in quickly to say hello. It makes for interesting reading the discussion about mastectomies and reconstructions. I have all sorts of thoughts but fortunately I'm not having to make that decision just now.

off for my WLE and SNB operation tomorrow. Just on my way home from hospital having had the radioactive jab to help find the right lymph nodes and herceptin injection #4..

I'm not too worried about tomorrow as i have been reassured by you all that it's pretty straightforward and hopefully just a day case although they are admitting me to a ward first thing on the basis of having had chemo i might need a bit more recovery time.

Anyway I'll be back when I'm out the other side :)

thinking of you all whether you're going through treatment, making decisions or facing surgery

Good luck today, minty

Thanks for the advice amberlight. I hadn't heard about the cold mitts but will ask on Friday. They normally wrap my arm in one of those heat pads to keep things moving so it may not be an option. Nails now painted a deep purple colour. What is the thinking behind sleeping in a very dark room, would it be the same if you wore an eye mask?

wine Nice to know I'm not alone in thinking reconstruction won't be for me. In fact your reasoning really strikes a chord, as does availability of belly fat - are you a long lost twin?

clean I'm also hoping you're OK, or as OK as you can be

A very quick dash as am getting prepared for work tomorrow- quite scary especially as I don't really know the class at all yet.

Good luck minty.

Hope SE minimal for those going through treatment. Waving to everyone else. Will have to catch up on thread at weekend.

Hi minty, yes it's a straightforward op, you'll be fine. Make sure you do the exercises! Hope to see you back here soon.

Good luck minty you'll be fine

Good luck speedy too, you'll soon feel like you were never away

I had a check up today and all was well as far as they could tell , was horrid being back in the hospital though quite a lot of tears were shed

Thanks Malt. All my stuff packed up and ready, including a batch of play dough I made! Good news that all ok at hospital, sorry you felt horrid while there but I don't blame you. I don't look forward to going either.

Good luck, minty. Hope all goes well. I did ok and I'm a wuss so you should be fine .

Apparently taking a pillow to hold over the area in the car on the way back is a good idea. Trust me to read that after my op and not before.

Thanks everyone for the good wishes. I'm heading off to the hosp in about an hour so not long till its all over...

Hope you're early on the list, soon be done and you'll be back having a cuppa

Hope it all goes well minty