Disclaimer: this is very long and nonsensical and I have no idea where to put it. Mental health or general health? I couldn't find a specialist dental board! I'm also embarrassed that this is a problem. It makes me feel quite pathetic.
I've got a ridiculous gag reflex and it's ruining my life.
I want to try and sort it out because I don't want my children to see me throwing up every time I try to brush my teeth or take tablets. How can I encourage good dental hygiene when I can't bear to brush my own teeth, or even use mouthwash?
I thought about hypnotherapy because I can pinpoint certain traumatic events which I believe may be at the root of all of this, but I'm also considering trying to wean myself onto brushing my teeth at home first, with children's flavoured toothpaste and a tiny toothbrush, starting with a closed mouth and moving up. I doubt I'd get hypnotherapy on the NHS so this would be the budget option.
I know this sounds ultra pathetic, but as soon as the toothbrush, or mouthwash, or chewing gum, or anything that isn't food (tablets, four of which I have to take every day for the rest of my life. Not helpful!) - and sometimes even food - enters my mouth, I have to spit it out or I'll vomit almost immediately. This has all got much worse since I became pregnant, but it hasn't gone away since morning sickness stopped, so I'm inclined to think it's only going to get worse rather than better.
I'd always put this down to bulimia as a teenager, which continued into my twenties as a form of self-harm. I was vomiting around five or six times a day at its peak, so I assumed I'd just destroyed my gag reflex that way - especially considering I sometimes used a toothbrush to make myself retch. But today I remembered another event that seems related. At 10/11 the orthodontist I saw for a retainer style brace was rather unprofessional and not very nice, and took impressions of both my jaws at the same time. The gel was seeping down my throat and I was gagging on it because I couldn't breathe. My dad, who was in the room with us, told the orthodontist that he thought I was choking, but the orthodontist left me for a few more minutes before removing the impression trays. I think that's why I have such a strong reaction to dental-related stimuli, especially strongly flavoured toothpaste and mouthwash etc.
So my question is: would hypnotherapy help in this scenario? I'm diagnosed with various personality disorders and PTSD (completely unrelated!) so I've had an awful lot of different sorts of therapeutic inputs in my time: most recently ACT, which was extremely helpful and enabled me to be discharged from MH services. But I have no experience of hypnotherapy.
The other route I'm considering taking is starting myself off with children's flavoured toothpaste and a tiny brush, and beginning with the front teeth and a closed mouth. The trouble really begins when my mouth opens and things are inserted, for want of a better phrase. I'm imagining I can work myself up to full-on teeth brushing with baby steps. Any experience of this sort of approach?
Is this something I can ever get over? I'm bloody sick and tired of throwing up all the time, and my teeth are being destroyed. I threw up tonight because someone vomited on TV; how will I cope with baby sick and changing nappies?!
Thank you for reading through all that. Talking about it has made me feel a bit less alien!