Hi WWW. Do I think anything would have stopped my breakdown? That's a question I've not been asked before so I've been thinking long and hard about it.
Ultimately, no I think it was going to happen regardless. Probably because the stress had been building for years. Without boring you rigid, I come from a very loving but high achieving family and have always driven myself very hard. Before children, that wasn't an issue. I worked hard, progressed quickly, thought I was the bee's knees, etc etc. Actually underneath I wasn't confident about myself, I just felt that I had to keep proving to others that I was a capable person so I just kept taking on more and more. So by the time that my kids were 6 and 4, I felt like my life was utterly out of control. A very senior job in a well known company, two lovely children, dh setting up and running his own business (ostensibly part time so that he could look after children and house, but somehow there was always masses for me to do whenever I was at home!), an expensive lifestyle (holidays, possessions blah blah blah) that needed paying for. At this stage I was beginning to question my career. Having gone to the top of the ladder, I felt that I was so far from what had interested me in my career in the first place. I hated the politics, the pressure of always having to be available (mobile phone always on, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week even on hols), the hours spent in airports, getting cross because I couldn't connect to my email, becoming irritated when staff wanted holidays or were ill. I became increasingly frustrated that I was serving the shareholders well, the staff less well, and as far as a meaningful contribution to society was concerned, in no way at all.
There were significant people in my childrens' lives whom I had never met - friends their own ages, parents of their friends etc. My children had a social life that I knew nothing about and wasn't involved in. My dh went to the mum's evenings out as an honorary mum. When I did the rare school pick up, I would stand at the school gates in my suit with the dads who didn't know anyone else either. I slept appallingly badly, ate badly (too much breakfast at my desk, airline or hotel food), drank too much and never exercised apart from running through airports.
My mum was then diagnosed with advanced breast cancer, and my world crumbled. I felt that everything had been built on sand, one quick shake and the lot came tumbling down. After that, everything just fell apart - my grandmother died v suddenly and with me finding her body, I had breast cancer, dad developed advanced skin cancer and so it went on!!
Now, three years later, I am so very well it's almost unbelievable! Both parents are alive and still well. My own cancer has gone and I'm still clear. I am still married to my dh (just!) and my children are still utterly delightful. I have been hugely affected by my breakdown - in some good ways and some less than good ways. I am a much happier person now - I make an effort to eat properly, I drink very little, I exercise a lot, and I stay utterly in touch with my feelings. That sounds bizarre but I have to be aware of doing too much or taking too much on. I tried working earlier this year - a part time secretarial job - but I couldn't cope with it at all. This has been quite a blow to me and I'm only just starting to recover from that. I react very badly to pressure - deadlines, other people's expectations, commitments etc. As long as I can more or less drift along in the world then I can cope. I am fine with the kids' routines (albeit occasionally forgetting their PE kit etc!), I can look after the house, I enjoy the cooking and gardening etc etc. I have rediscovered my love of painting. But that it more or less it. I have been trying to bring myself to contribute to society in some way, like volunteering with Home Start or something which I would dearly love to do. But I can't bring myself to do it because people would expect me to be at a certain place at a certain time etc, and I just can't cope with that. So that's a bit tough. Oh, and we are hugely poorer than we were (well, in financial terms anyway!)
I'm sorry that I've rambled on hugely. I didn't mean to but your question opened the floodgates! If you're still reading this far, then well done!
I think the short answer is that the breakdown was probably on the cards even without the various triggers. But actually I prefer the person I am now, with the values I have now.
It is very very hard to make a change to a lifestyle without some significant trigger. Would I have been able to change my life without my illness? No, I probably wouldn't have been able to do it. I felt so so responsible for my dh, for his business (he could only work for himself if I was the breadwinner), the lifestyle etc. It would have taken a vast amount of courage to stop all of that and to do something different. I wish I had been able to because I know there is more to life than my old career. And maybe, just maybe, that's something that is lurking in the back of your mind?
Sorry to ramble so much, and I wish you so much luck with where you are now. Feel free to let me know if you want more input (I will try and keep it shorter next time, I promise!)
Amanda