what is life like without Alcohol? Positives please.

[freshlysharpenedpencils]

Today is the day I stop drinking. I have woken up once again in pain, feeling sick, depressed and feeling bloated and fat. I have an upset stomach. I have always used alcohol as a crutch - as a stress reliever and as my 'fun'. Enough is enough. I am fed up of feeling like this. But I have always always been a heavy drinker (wine).

I find it synonymous with so many occasions and cuisines! Don't get me started on Christmas.

So my question I suppose is - what is life like without alcohol? Any positives? Anyone given it up and never looked back? Can I still enjoy weekends, christmas, holidays etc without alcohol?

Thanks lottapianos - you've made me cry (nice tears). That's exactly what it is - the treat culture combined with how acceptable and 'fun' and to some degree a high class wine seems. If it was straight vodka people might have said something. But a bottle of wine from Waitrose with some posh canapés! No one says anything. And soon a bottle doesn't touch the sides - and it's 2 bottles... A night sometimes. Things have for to change.

Didn't mean to make you cry You're right about how acceptable it is. I hate to sound like the Daily Mail but we do have a horrendous problem with alcohol in this country. Lots of people drink far too much routinely and have a hard time accepting people who choose not to drink for whatever reason. Its very worrying. I'll stop my hand-wringing now!

Yes there may be an addictive element to it but also I think it's very circumstantial as you suggest. Beautiful Mediterranean scenarios suggest wine to you. Celebratory events suggest beautiful pale champagne bubbling in elegant glasses. Somehow these messages have been very deeply embedded in your head - as if you are not really in a beautiful Mediterranean place unless the product that epitomises it is there in your hand. There's quite a strong marketing theme in your words - as if the marketing message has really entered your psyche and it feels as if the situation would actually be less beautiful without the associated product.

And that, as you say, all this is a treat and you deserve the treat. Which undoubtedly you do but somehow can you detatch the concept of treating yourself well from the product of wine? This is where someone really annoying would say "try having a nice bath instead" as if that's in any way a substitute for the treat you deserve! I get it, I do.

I'm not dissimilar around food. Food is my treat, my comfort, my fun. And certainly a bloody bath cannot fill the role of chocolate in my life. But I lost quite a bit of weight a few years ago and it's been interesting trying to recalibrate my relationship with food since then. I still care about it more than I should - but I have it in a better place now. I don't have all the messaging you describe around alcohol attached to it any more.

I think what helped was taking a break from food (I did a vlcd). And then afterwards noting that my life had been fine - things had still been fun, I still felt loved even without my daily treats. And I had all the upside of nicer clothes and all that good stuff to dwell on (which in your case would be the clear head and the generally feeling better).

Sorry waffling on. Wishing you all the best with this OP.

Really interesting Quangle. Yes It is definitely an association with me - to romance, glamour, sophistication, expensive taste, luxury. I have been having a long think tonight about it. The only food I don't associate with drink are children's meals. That is to say - meals I ate when wine wasn't in my life. Beans on toast, fish fingers, turkey drummers etc. and I think I had my first taste of wine on first dates (it wasn't in the house) at the turning of 18. Perhaps there's something in there about being a grown up! Sexualisation. Evolving.

There is a terrible issue with drink in this country I agree. I know that if I told anyone in real life they'd joke about it. I'd get comments like "you're a freak!" And "don't be a party pooper/ boring" which is why I think it's best not to tell anyone till I've achieved a few months. My other half is nodding at me today - but I know he thinks by Friday night I'll be back off the wagon.

Thanks for being so nice. I had two cups of tea tonight and some toast.

Remember OP - if people give you a hard time about not drinking, its likely to be because it highlights their own drinking. None of my friends are heavy drinkers and none of them batted an eyelid when I said I wasn't drinking whereas my (fairly) pisshead family gave me loads of grief.

What's it like not drinking? On the whole, much better. I had to stop for meds, weight and money and wish I'd done it earlier, like stopping the cigs.
If you miss having a glass of wine with a meal, there's lots of non-alcoholic stuff which is not bad these days.

very interesting about the sexuality and the grownupness.

This stuff is so deeply embedded and weird, isn't it! Alcohol for you is being grown up and desirable. No wonder it's hard to walk away from.

It is interesting. One of the most influential program's of my early adulthood was sex and the city. I watched a few episodes last night and I realised (as I was drinking my tea) that alcohol was in nearly every single scene. Cocktails, brunch mimosas , wine , beer etc... I noticed it more because I was drinking tea. And it just amazed me!!

freshlysharpenedpencils; I will join you in your efforts to banish the demon booze. Last night i drunk nearly a bottle and a half of wine, and feel pretty rough today. Tired, headachey, bleary eyed and of course absolutely starving and craving stodge. I have become increasingly worried about my drinking over the past few months and now it's simply out of control. I have always been quite a big drinker, and liked my wine, but have never drunk as much as this. I'm now getting through at least a bottle a night, and I dont even know why as sometimes I will even drink wine i don't particularly like if nothing else is available. But have been desperately trying to lose weight, and my drinking completely scuppers me every time. And it's not even the calories in the wine itself - after all, a bottle only has around 600 odd calories, it's the fact that any inhibitions about eating go flying out the window and I find myself cramming jam sandwiches down my throat at midnight. And of course, there's the inevitable hangover hunger to deal with the next day when it's impossible to eat sensibly, when all I'm craving is pizza, pork pies and chips.

I don't want to give up entirely - I'd like to be able to drink at specail occasions, but what I want to cut out is the mindless drinking at home, which happens every single night.

Anyway, good luck in your efforts, and wish me luck too!

Golden goddess! I understand exactly what you're saying. I had got to a bottle a night... To a bottle and a half. At the weekend this could be 2 bottles, starting early afternoon. And for me - it's always at home really as I don't have a social life. I have a lovely life so no excuse! It's such a combination of boredom and that fuzzy feeling you get... When the toddler is in bed and my bloke is playing his game - I guess wine is my little friend.
Except - she's not really my friend! Is she?
I'm on day 2 and I'm having to change my entire diet to foods that just don't go with wine as the two are so linked in my mind. Beans on toast for tea and lots of Yorkshire tea. I feel better already. Fresher. A wee bit lighter! Trying to take one day at a time as they say. I might have to give up entirely as I don't know when to stop.

Good luck Golden goddess!!

Freshly, you're absolutely right about Sex and the City - non stop booze and it all looked so grown up and glamorous!

Don't think of this as a 'forever' decision. Think of it as taking care of yourself - a nice little break from the banging head and bleary eyes and sick stomach. If you can do 4-6 weeks off it, it will mean that you break the habit of automatically reaching for a glass, when you're not even sure you want one. It will give you time to experience the great things about being sober. I did go back to drinking after a break but I had a new perspective on drinking - I found I loathed and resented hangovers. Why should I ruin the whole of the next day for the sake of a glass too many? So now I know where to draw the line and I usually draw it in the right place these days.

Keep going with the tea - whatever works for you. A few more days of this and you will honestly feel like a new woman.

I completely understand where you're coming from - I could have written that a couple of years ago.
Fast forward and the meds I have to take mean I can no longer drink very much - the hangovers are just not worth it.
You will get out of the habit. It feels so weird at first and every new social occasion is difficult to envisage without a glass in your hand. But it gets better. I can now have a drink. Just one, without getting over excited and accidentally drinking the bottle and opening another one. Go out for lunch and have one beer at the weekend and then drink tea for the rest of the day. That sort of thing, which was unheard of before.
I am in control now, the drink doesn't own me once I've had a glass, and that just feels so much better. You will be able to say that too soon, well done for making the decision.

I have had about 3 glasses of wine since discovering I was pregnant with DD in March 2009. At first I aimed only not to drink while pregnant, but then I was breastfeeding, and then I got pregnant with DS while I was still breastfeeding DD, and then DS breastfed until just before he was 3 ...

I now consider myself to be a Person Who Doesn't Drink - although I've had the odd glass of wine when I've been away on work trips and socialising. But even then I haven't really wanted any more than a glass.

The positives:

1. Feeling smug on Sunday mornings when you look at Facebook and see your friends groaning about how ill they feel
2. Having more money
3. Never feeling like you start the day having to 'pay off' your 'debt' of enjoyment from the night before (if that makes any sense!)
4. Calculating how many calories you are saving by not drinking, and making them up in other ways
5. Calculating how much money you are saving by not drinking (and also by not having to pay the associated expenses, e.g. taxi fares because you're too drunk to drive) and treating yourself in other ways
6. Realising that, if you go for a night out with your friends in places where you'd usually be drinking alcohol, you actually end up feeling quite drunk anyway! Not sure why this happens. Conditioning as a result of years of drinking? Anyway, I always find that I get that 'I've just had a drink' euphoria when I go to the pub with friends. But you do have to stop thinking about alcohol in order to enjoy it.
7. Setting a good example to my children by showing them that alcohol isn't absolutely necessary for enjoyment
8. Being healthier

Reading some of your posts on this thread, I really don't think giving up alcohol need make you feel like you're depriving yourself. You could give up alcohol for a week, set aside the money you would have spent, and use it to treat yourself to something you really like!

Having said that, I'm not trying to persuade you to give up alcohol. Just letting you know that it's possible. And, also, maybe it's more possible if you commit to a week/month/year of not drinking than if you resolve to give up drinking forever ...

pencils, it sounds as if it's probably best for you to go completely cold turkey at least for the first few weeks if you can't stop at one. I guess I will probably be much like you, but I'll play it by ear. I know that I won't be drinking tonight though, as I simply feel terrible. It will be tomorrow that will prove the real challenge, when I'm nice and unhungover, and come 6pm I'll inevitably be gagging for a drink.........

By the way, does anyone know anything about liver function tests and how accurate they are at assessing liver damage? I've had them done twice in the past two years, just as part of a full blood count, and both times have come out normal. Can't understand how, as I have been drinking quite heavily for a few years now. I almost wish the results had been bad and my GP told me to cut down, then I would have a medical reason to give up.

thanks all - love all your posts and support. I have my cup of tea in front of me now. I don't know anything about liver function tests - I have never had one done ever - but I assume my liver is fucked. Ive drunk too much from 18 to 32. And I mean - ten times the amount friends and family do. But I remember reading (this might be completely wrong) that the liver is one of the only organs that repairs itself - I also remember Gillian Mckeith saying taking 'milk thistle' repairs your liver (I have some in a cupboard somewhere). Correct me if I'm wrong... I'm sure someone will.

They did a bit on This Morning about damage to lungs from smoking and it was shocking - I wrote an email asking them if they could do the same for alcohol.

I need to break the habit of a life time - and the habit is to drink more or less, in some capacity, with every meal (unless I'm sick or pregnant). And also that drink = enjoyment and fun.

I think I am going to make a little rule for myself. I can drink ONCE A MONTH. I usually have one special day/ occasion once a month. So that will be easier to do. This month - weekend away with bloke and friends for his birthday. Next month - I don't have one so maybe I won't drink at all. December - Christmas. And then take each month as it comes. It would take my drinking down from 200% to 2%!!!

Hope everyone is doing well tonight.

Rules can work well. I have mine and I mostly stick to them. I would still recommend having at least a full month off before you make any definite decisions about future drinking. Enjoy your clear head x

Less anxiety. More control over my own mind. Less emotionally vulnerable.

It'll so be worth it, OP. Good luck

Best of luck, pencils!

The liver can indeed repair itself, but if you keep hammering it you don't give it a chance.

Don't listen to 'Dr' Gillian McKeith, she is a charlatan (and publicly recognised as such, before anyone accuses me of slander www.badscience.net/2007/02/ms-gillian-mckeith-banned-from-calling-herself-a-doctor/)

If you're concerned about your liver, the best place for advice will be the GP surgery ...

I have had some experience with liver function tests. I drank heavily from my teens until last January when I was 38. I obviously took around 18 months off booze x 2 for two pregnancies and breastfeeding but otherwise, I would get through 1-2 bottles of wine a night on Friday and Saturdays, although I didn't drink during the week. I have liver function tests every 2 years with my work medical and had no problems at all until last Jan when they were slightly raised. I had had a big session the weekend before the tests so i was certain this caused it, but my GP then re-tested me every 2-3 weeks. It took two months of complete abstinence to get my results back to normal.

Having those slightly raised LFT's was one of the best things that has ever happened to me. I knew I was drinking too much but the thought of a dry birthday, holiday, Christmas, BBQ, hen night (any opportunity to drink really), was terrifying, however staring down the barrel of possible liver damage was much more frightening, especially given my dad died from liver cancer caused from drinking. So now, although my GP says I could revert to 1-2 glasses of wine on a Friday and Saturday night, I am actually too frightened to drink on anything but the most special of occasions. I never drink at home anymore and have been on several nights out where I haven't drunk, including a hen night. I find Becks Blue is great when you want to feel like you are drinking and 'part of the gang' if that makes sense.

On the odd occasion I do drink now, I can manage to have one glass and then stop, because my tolerance has re-set itself and whereas I used to be just warming up after a bottle, I actually feel drunk after just 1 glass now.

In answer to your question about being able to enjoy yourself, I didn't drink last Christmas because I was getting liver pains which the GP though were probably gall stones as I wasn't honest about how much I was drinking. He got me a liver scan for 28th Dec to look for gall stones, but being so worried about what they would find I didn't touch a drop all Christmas. It was the best Christmas ever. I wasn't annoyed with my two young children when they bounced in at 5am Christmas morning because i wasn't tired and hungover. I was as excited as they were, watching their delight at their stockings, whilst DH missed it, sleeping off his hangover. I remember their faces opening their presents because I didn't spend the day in a champagne induced fog. I wasn't too busy drinking sherry to put their new toys together and sat watching the Christmas film with them with a big box of chocolates instead of falling asleep on the sofa. Then Boxing Day I got to do it all over again, bright as a button because I went to bed sober, at a reasonable hour Christmas night. I won't be drinking this Christmas either.

Good luck.

I've had to massively cut down on alcohol due to medication.Some people don't drink at all on the medication I'm on. I've been told four units a week not every week. Around the same time my dp stopped drinking totally.we don't particularly miss it.I will have my 1.5 glasses of wine about once a month.I am horrified that we frequently got through a bottle Thursday, Friday, Saturday and sometimes more. I don't miss the hangovers or dreading the kids weekend activities.I've realised you can smell alcohol on people in work when they probably think they didn't have "that much" the night before.

I've "dropped a dress size"and hopefully will never go back.

OP I made a decision just not to drink on 1st October for the rest of October. I'm telling anyone who asks (and they do ask as I am known to be a big drinker) that I'm doing Sober for October.

I've been waking up every morning pretty much for the last 6 years saying today is the day I'm going to stop. Until now it has never lasted for more than a few days as there has always been an excuse (I'm stressed from work! Its a weekend! Its a Monday!) or an event (Birthday, Takeaway, Can't do a pub quiz without a glass of wine) or I just crave it so much that I give in anyway and sod the reason. I could easily sink a bottle of wine a night and not even appear drunk. I drink more at weekends. Like you it has strong associations with food, treats and certain television programmes.

Its got to the stage where my right shoulder is stiff and I get a pain under my ribs on the right after a heavy drinking session. Both classic signs of an inflamed liver. I've put on huge amounts of weight and I look awful in pictures. I have a dependence on alcohol. The fact that I 'function' professionally is beside the point.

But this time, since the 1st October it feels different, it feels like with the sober for October 'excuse' I'm finally giving myself permission not to drink. I'm not missing it, I don't feel hard done by not having it. It feels like a burden has been lifted.

I can nip out unexpectedly after 6pm to see friends / get forgotten things from the supermarket because I haven't had a drink.

We can go to nice out of town places to eat because I can drive.

Rather than having a long cold walk home or an expensive taxi journey last night from an event I went home in my nice warm car at the time I chose and woke up fresh this morning.

I feel free

But you have to do it for you and because it feels right, not just because of guilt or fear. If guilt and fear were enough then you wouldn't already be letting yourself off the hook 'once a month' (I can tell you now it won't be once a month). That says you are still more scared of not drinking than you are of carrying on.

Lets do this together

oh and we are the same age, so I am assuming similar cultural experiences. I could have written your posts word for word.

We like the same food, the same TV, the same drink and it sounds like we have very similar ways of living.

You don't by any chance also have a parent who liked to finish off a day at work with a drink as well did you?

In my teens I used to drink. In my twenties I would drink socially. Whilst growing up my family would all drink. At every gathering (which could be a few times a week) the wine would flow!

When I was in my thirties I had liver failure, not due to alcohol and I was advised not to drink for 6 months. This would allow my liver to regenerate.

I made a full recovery but since then I have barely had a drink. (Mind you sugar is my addiction!)

Family and friends all know I don't drink and I don't need to justify it. They offer me a drink and I decline. There are many soft drinks I enjoy. Sometimes it can be the people around me that have more of a problem with it than me!

Im another who has been drinking almost without thought for some time now.

But I dont really enjoy drinking that much anyway which makes it all the more mystifying why I continued to drink. I decided to stop last week just before I heard about Sober for October. I thought -That'll do for me then once I read about it.

The thing with me is that wine is so obtainable at a reasonable price. I would go to Aldi or Asda and buy a box of 6 bottles of wine and have change from 25 pounds. Obviously Im not talking top of the range stuff here but definitely drinkable . It is then very easy to open a bottle once the days chores are done and of course once open its rude not to finish isnt it?

I have found that as well as the clearer head and less anxiety I have also found some evening time to do chores that would usually go undone once I was settled with my wine. Now if I want a drink I have to go into the kitchen to make one- and once there I might sort a drawer or do next days pack up etc. Just little things for now but who knows what I might achieve given a month or more of 'free' evenings

I havent any definite time frame for non drinking . I intend to do the one day at a time thing and see how we go .But all the while acknowledging that every day not drinking is a bonus.