Worried sick...

[Petrified1]

I have found some months ago one or two soft lumps in the side of my neck plus a hard lump behind my ear. I am worried sick - I can't eat, I am petrified that I have cancer and am going to die. I have two small children and I am terrified that I won't see them grow up. I am too frightened to go to the doctor or even the dentist. I am sitting here crying as I type this. I don't know what to do. The worry has now got on top of me and I really can't carry on like this. I am a smoker and I do drink. I stopped smoking for 17 months and started again like an idiot. I can't believe I was so stupid. Now it is a vicious cycle and I am smoking because I'm so stressed out. I don't know what advice I want from this...

I can't. I absolutely can't. I don't have anyone to talk to about this...

I have had a soft lump in the side of my neck since I was a teenager. I am now 47. If it is something more serious, do not let the fear ruin your chances of getting treatment. Either way, the only sane thing is to get it checked out and stop letting it petrify you.

Thanks for your replies. you making me feel better. I know I am being totally illogical but I am so consumed by worry that I can't think straight. it came to a head driving home from work. I was thinking that I would be better off just to crash my car into a tree than make my family go through the ordeal of cancer treatment. I keep saying to myself if such and such thing happens then it means I do have cancer, if this other thing goes right, it means I don't have it. it's exhausting and my smallest does not sleep very well so I am tired and run down..

You've got health anxiety - not cancer . There will be a very non serious reason for the lumps - and that's almost guaranteed.

You need to focus on what it is you're actually suffering from - and that's the health anxiety and decide how you're going to get that treated.

I suffer myself and it's horrible but getting on top of it is so worth it

Cancer doesn't show as lumps behind your ears.

Being blunt, the biggest killers are lung cancer, bowel cancer and breast cancer. None of these appear with lumps on the face, neck or anywhere.

The lumps in your neck will either by cysts or swollen glands.

Please make an appt with your GP , talk about your anxiety and get support to quit smoking.

I had this too and worried about lymphoma.
Went to docs, had blood test and ultrasound scan- was lymph nodes
Please get it checked

I joined a health-anxiety forum. I think it was NoMoreFear or something. We discovered that we were ALL smokers.

I had a lump in my groin and that was it - I was giving all my stuff away to loved ones and writing a will. Eventually saw a Dr and it was an ingriwing hair from shaving my bits. I also lost weight once and found a BIG hard lump in my abdomen. I was so so scared then. Turned out to be endometriosis. I thought I had boob cancer, asked a lovely Dr to have a feel and there was nothing there.

In short, I've imagined myself into a headscarf a thousand times, and it's always been ok. But my symptoms NEVER WENT AWAY until I'd seen a Dr. Until I had, I just worried about it all day/night.

My youngest DS had a lump on his neck for MONTHS and I was terrified. It was a lymph node.

Chances are VERY VERY HIGH that you'll be fine. Living with your fear IS worse than finding out what it is.

I've had a hard, pea sized lump under my arm for years now. I sobbed to my sister because I was terrified I had cancer,

She said,

"You're scared, if you go to the dr and it IS cancer, you'll still be scared but with very clever people who can help, if you do nothing but sit and worry you'll still be scared and not knowing is more scariness on top!."

It's a cyst, the dr felt it and declared it could stay there for ever and she wouldn't be concerned at all.

My DS2 also has one on his neck that I was freaked out about.

We hear things about lumps all the time, mostly they're harmless but knowing when they're not is the key to treating them.

Hi Petrified.

I don't know if you have health anxiety or not. But I do. I can feel lumps in lots of places and have been examined numerous times. The last time was feb time when for months I could feel lumps at side of my neck. I would spend literally hours feeling them. I was terrified I had cancer. My gp examined me several times and told me she could not feel any abnormal lumps. I wouldn't listen and went to see a ear nose and throat consultant who told me the same. He even put a scope down my nose and throat. But still I believed I was right. So I went to a haematologist who took extensive bloods and examined me and again said all normal. The last straw was seeing a head and neck consultant and having a scan. He confirmed the lumps were parts of the muscles in my neck.

Now like I said I'm not suggesting for a minute it's anxiety you have, but what I do know is how easy it is for us who don't have a medical background to self diagnose and think what we feel is sinister.

I swear to you I have been to see about lumps just about in every place and I mean every place always convinced it was cancer . Every time the lumps have a non sinister explanation.

Feel free to pm if you want to talk xx

I haven't disappeared, I'm just thinking about what you all have said. thank you for taking the time to reply. I really do appreciate it

I have had a rotten morning. shouted at the kids and got myself into a right state... I feel like a rotten mum...

I have suffered from anxiety and depression in the past but really thought I had beaten it.

I googled health anxiety last night and some of my behaviours do match up to it...

but just because I might have this anxiety issue, it doesn't mean that these lumps are nothing either.

I watched a good friend die from breast cancer and it was horrendous for her and her family.

now I really don't know what to do. if I go to the doctors, will they just label me as a hypochondriac?

Of course they won't! Go to the Doctor, tell them how you're feeling and jumping to conclusions. They're there to help, but if you don't ask, they won't be able to do their job!

Just call and book an emergency appointment, then it'll be out of the way.

What a tough time you're having petrified!

I had a lump on my neck/jawline about 10 years ago and was terrified at the time. I put off going to the doctor even though I knew my stress would only get worse. But after a few weeks I went and of course it turned out to be fine. The doc did some tests to reassure me, and treated me sympathetically and professionally - just as she should.

It sounds like you're having a hard time coping with all that's going on, and you might need a bit of extra support. The health-anxiety forum mentioned above might be useful, or perhaps some counselling - your GP should also be able to advise you on this. Well done for having the courage to post on here, I'm sure you'll be strong enough to make it to the doctor and get the support you deserve.

You don't sound like a terrible mum to me, you sound like a woman who has maybe been looking after everyone else, and needs to take a moment to look after herself.

Take care

You are not alone in worrying. Everyone worries when thy find something wrong, just some of us worry more than others. When I have to go to the doctors I always worry, so now I always take my husband or a friend with me. I know that if my friend understands my worries then they can help to explain to the doctor. Is there someone who can go with you? If not would you be able to call them and ask the gp or nurse to ring you back? There is also the nhs 111 number that you can call for advise. You also said you had young children, maybe the health visitor could help, they are there to help until your children are 5.
I hope that you can pluck up the courage to get yourself checked.
Be brave.

P.s. Everyone shouts at their kids from time to time, especially when they are stressed and tired.

Ah another typical symptom of health anxiety! ' but I've definitely got a lump/ swelling / pain so it could be fatal because it is definitely there ' ...

I know this because I suffer myself - your lumps will not be terminal cancer. It's almost impossible to receive reassurance over the net though - you'll feel ok for a while and then it all creeps back up.

Do see your doctor. Tell him about the lumps and then mention that your reaction to them is out of proportion

Health anxiety is a nightmare! When my two were small, I was in and out of the doctors with various lumps and panics.

My GP always says that she'd rather see me for 5 mins to reassure me, than know that I have worked myself into a complete state.

It is a hard to make the appointment, but better than worrying yourself sick.

(I've had panics about neck lumps, but they have always been swollen glands. )

I just want to give you a big hug op (and i don't do hugs).

You really do suffer from health anxiety -i do to. Its just shit isn't it. The whole bargaining thing - i do that too. "If the next car around the corner x will happen"....

I so understand where you are just now. Ive been there. The final straw for me was thinking my tonsils were tumours.

I am on medication that helps with my general anxiety but a lump or any form of weirdness is enough to have me literally rocking in the corner.

Your neck will be literally full of lumps if you look for them. They are lymph nodes and will get bigger if you prod them. They will be enlarged if you have a low lying infection too. Oh and dont forget the lovely salivary glands. They can be like golf balls if they get blocked. Again, very common.

Please go to the doctor. You can't go on like this you just can't. I promise you that everytime i go to the dr she has been able to put my mind at rest.

I had a breast lump recently. The terror was indescribable. It was a cyst.

Ive had all the lumps in my neck too. But really. Its probably just normal glands and nodes. A trip to your gp will give you some peace of mind.

please go to your doctor , i left a lump on my arm for months and worried about it daily , got angry and irritated by everyone because all i could think about was this lump, it turned out to be a lipoma (fatty lump) , i misheard her at first and went home to google lymphoma so had a few more days worry till i confirmed it was lipoma , can imagine how worried you are , but once you have been a weight will be lifted .