Anxiety help please

[lollipoppi]

I don't really know if this is the right section but here goes

My ds1 is almost 4, and since contracting a chest infection and broncholitis at 9mo he has had 27 hospital admissions, confirmed severe asthmatic.

This kind of kicked off my anxiousness as I was always panicking, like I am just waiting for him to get poorly again

DD is now 20mo and I had a pretty traumatic birth with her, placental abruption, her heart had stopped and I was bleeding internally. All was fine with DD but i think from her birth I've been worse.
I have to do stupid rituals before bedtime, in a certain order, to make sure they are both ok. I can't believe I'm going to write this as it sounds so stupid but if I don't do my checks then I honestly think they will die

DD had a bad cold a month or so ago and she ended up in hospital requiring oxygen and nebulisers, just like my DS does when he has an asthma attack, and now she has started with another which has gone into her chest.

I literally don't think I can cope with dd being in hospital like DS is.
I can't sleep, I feel really panicky thinking about one of them getting poorly

I'm rambling I'm sorry, it's just really hard to put down in words how I feel

DP is great, but works 7 days a week, I've tried talking to him about it but I just don't think he understands

Hi lollipopi, what an awful time you've had. No wonder you feel anxious. And exhausted, I expect. Please talk to your GP and HV about how you are feeling. It sounds as if, although your anxiety is a natural feeling in the circumstances, it has begun to grow out of control.mit might well be that some practical help, counselling or CBT and possibly medication might all help a lot. Not to change the problems you are facing but at least your coping mechanisms.

Are you getting any other support? It might be that HomeStart or similar could offer some help if you don't have family etc to give you a break.

Lastly, my ds1 had bad asthma and a heart murmur as a young child and I, too was terrified. He grew out of it completely and is in perfect health now.

You need to take care of yourself in order to care for others so please do talk to your GP.xx

Thanks for replying Matilda

I think your right, I've spoke to DP about going to the doctors but he tells me to calm down and everything's ok. I know he is right in some respects but it doesn't change how I feel and think about things.

Since DDs birth, which I still think about every night, it keeps me awake thinking crazy thoughts about how we could have lost her, I kind of have to imagine the thought in my head, take it out like its a piece of paper and screw it up and throw it away, I actually have to imagine myself thinking that to get rid of the thought. God that sounds crazy, it is

DS asthma is slowly getting under control with the right meds,
I just feel like I can't take much more ill health before I lose the plot

I forgot to say, I do have family support, and close friends that I can call. But I don't tell them how I feel.

Everyone always comments about how strong I am and how well I cope with things. I don't though, inside I'm a mess

'calm down and don't worry'.

Like telling the wind not to blow. See your GP and tell anyone else helpful that you are actually struggling. I think it's natural in a way for DP to want to think it's all ok. It isn't, just now.

You and your dc will be fine but please ask for some help on the way.xx

I know, he says it with love, and in the kindest possible way, I just don't think he understands that's all, and I don't really tell him the extent of how I feel

Thank you for replying, I think I will have an honest chat with DP and let him know how I'm really feeling, and see where that leads.