Dilema over neighbour who is losing her mind IMO

[nutcracker]

This may be long so bear with me.

I have known my next door but one neighbour for about 4 years now and she has always been a very highly strung emotional person and at times I have found myself struggling to be friends with her because of this. She is a lovely person who would do anything for you but way too intense for me at the best of times.

Just as an example, last year she turned up on my doorstep, unabl;e to speak as she was so upset and wailing. I thought something really awful had happened, but it turned out that her cat needed an operation.
Anyway, also last year a bloke we knew to say hello too was murdered and my neighbour was distraught, didn't eat for weeks, stopped taking care of herself and said she no longer believed in god. At the same time she had a few health probs and a friend accompanied her to a routine check up at the hospital, during which she became hysterical, screaming and shouting saying the doctor was trying to kill her.

Lots of people tried to get her to get some help but she refused. Eventually she seemed to pull through it, she was working at the time and needed to be sane enough to do her job and this helped her get better I think.

Things after that were more or less fine until last week when she woke up to find the one side of her face paralised. We took her to hospital and then diagnosed bells palsey which she has had before. Again she was completely hysterical at the hospital, shouting that she would kill herself and shouting at the doctors.
Since then I have become increasingly worried about her state of mind. She;s not eating again, not sleeping and has managed to terrify her dd by repeatadly saying she will kill her self, although she says she doesn't mean this.
She went out the other day to a lights show and started crying and screaming because she couldn't find her dp in the crowds and has cried all over P this morning in the playground because a little boy looked at her and then cried.
She has kept her dd off school today because she thinks she has traumatised her, so is taking her to Mac D's instead.

It's hard to explain it properly on here but I really do think she needs some help and quite urgently. She does have a dp but he is useless, and then she has 3 grown up dd's and an 8 yr old dd.
I have alot on my plate at the mo and am starting to feel like I just cannot cope with her aswell which is awful really but, I am also angry that her own family aren't helping her and I certainly don't have the strenght to sort her out right now and it's getting to the point where I want to avoid her.

Not sure what to do, any ideas ??

We are registered at the same surgery but I don't know who her g.p is so I can't write a note and ask for it to be given to the g.p. Not sure your allowed to do that anyway are you ??

I would make a call to Social Services to voice your concern for this lady - dont identify her to them, but ask what can be done - bearing in mind they may step in and do something which will affect her 8yr old.

But you need to do something though before she becomes a danger to herself and any others - esp her daughter - that would be even worse.

Good luck

What are they likely to do though ?? I don't want to make things worse.

I am not worried for the safety of her Dd as there is normally always at least one other family member there too.

Yes thats what I think Fio.

I can't understand why her family aren't seeing that there is a problem especially as another family member is manic depressive so they should know that this behaviour isn't normal.

If she won't accept treatment the only option if she needs it and is a danger to herself or others would be for the docs to section her

Yeah I had thought of that TheBlonde, but half of me thinks it isn't my place to be sorting this all out and half of me thinks that I have no choice as no one else seems to bother.

It's all very sad and stressful and worrying.

I think I might have a chat later with another neighbour/friend and see what she thinks. Although she is still sending her kids to her to be childminded (she's not registered) so she can't think she is that unstable.

This is a horrible situation for you, her and especially her child.

I have phoned a doctors surgery before and had a health visitor phone me back when I was worried about my sisters undiagnosed PND.

The health visitor was fab. Just turned up unannounced to find my sis weepy with her nighty on at 3 in the afternoon. A health visitor might be a good step between the Social Services and the Psych unit.

Make a phone call if you can. it seriously can't make things worse for the child IMO.

Nutcracker,this lady does need help and urgently,she sounds as if she is paranoid and delusional and is probably sectionable at the moment.Phone Social services please.You can't deal with this alone and neither can her family,they need help.

I think I would favour calling social services
Then they can deal with it, not you

if you know who her doctor is phone them and explain the situation. they might be able to get the cpn out to see her.
or phone ss like someone said.

Ok, thanks every one for the help. I have decided to go to our local health centre and see if I can speak to a Health Vistor and ask them whats the best thing to do.

I flit between thinking she won't do anything silly to thinking that she might very well do.

I know the surgery she is at but not which g.p is hers.

The health centre is next to the g.ps so if i get no joy there than I could go to the surgery after.

I'd be careful about confiding in anothr neighbour as that could back fire against you if you are nor careful (esp if the other neighbour doesn't seem to think there is a problem)

You do need to do something though (my main concern is for the daughetr)

Talking to the ealth visitor sounds like a very good idea, if you don't have any joy there, rite a letter to the practice manager fo your surgery. They will be able to find out who her gp is and will deal with everthing confidentially.

You do have to do something, but you also shouldn't be lettig this trouble you too much as its not yur problem, so hand it over and then try to relax knowing you have done the right thing.

Went to the health centre and there was noone available so we are going back in a bit.

After talking to P about it (most civilised conversation we've had in days), we have decided not to tell our other neighbour as unfortunatly we don't think we can trust her not to blab.

If i get no joy at the health centre in a bit then I will write a letter to the surgery.

I would avoid writing a letter as it can then be traced back to you etc

When I had similar concerns about somebody I asked my GP what the situation was re. talking to somebody else's doctor about them. He said I could do it - it would be a very one-sided conversation because the doctor in question wouldn't be able to divulge anything they knew about the person - but they could write down everything I said and then act on it if they felt it necessary. Another option would be to contact the Community Psychiatric Nurse.

Oh right, never thought of that tbh.

I suppose i can ask to speak to a receptionist or the practice manager or someone and just tell them my concerns.

My neighbour came around again shortly before I went out. She was dressed head to toe in sports wear identical to her Dd's, she said it was to make her not sad, and then she gave me a kiss and a hug and said thanks for everything and , they were off to play football, and then she told her dd to come and give me a hug because we all love her very much.

I would be very worried now if it weren't for the fact that her dp has also gone with them to play footie.

I kepp thinking maybe I am being silly, but it's not normal behaviour is it ?? One minute she is really really down and the next she is ecstatic.

I have just looked up the symptoms of manic depression and she is fitting it so well it's awful.

Tbh though i think if anyone prfessional goes to see her, she will do a very good job of fobbing them off.

Right, here goes the rest. Went to see HV and she listened to what I had to say and then said that all I could do was ring social services.

Anyway sort of thankfully it is now out of our hands and we haven't had to ring them although i think we have been seen as being interffering anyway. Basically we knocked on neighbours door because we knew her elder Dd was in and asked hiow the younger dd was. She said it wasn't her that was ill but her mum.

Basically neighbour is ill and her family know it, have discovered so today. There is something that we aren't being told and tbh we felt a bit like they weren't impressed with us talking about her at all, despite us saying how worried we are.
When we said we were her friends and just wanted to help her dd said 'yeah well mums had friends like that before and they've stabbed her in the back' and she wouldn't explain, so I haven't a clue what thats about.

We asked if we could knock tommorow or ring and see how she was and were told NO, they'd update us if anything happened.

They aren't going to seek help for her at this stage either, not even a trip to the g.p which IMO is wrong but thats up to them.

I was really upset as I feel a bit like they think we were just interferring or gossiping when that really wasn't the case, but at the end of the day she needs help and I wanted someone to realise how ill she was and now they have, sort of. If non of them ever speak to me again i'll still be glad I opened my mouth.

You've been a good friend Nutcracker,simply by caring about this woman.
Maybe they are embarrassed.

Erm yeah it could be that. From what she said this has happened before which is why I am not sure not getting help is the right way to go, but obviously thats their descion not mine.

I think there are alot of things that have gone on that we don't know about, but like I said I couldn't do nothing so whatever the outcome, even if they hate me forever for interfering, I am glad I spoke up.

And thanks Sugarfree, I know you are right, just don't feel very good about it right now.

If she does have bipolar disorder and that certainly sounds likely from what you've described then she may have had input before.Equally though,it maybe that the family have just been 'coping' themselves.It could be that your genuine concern has made them realise that they have been in denial about her illness up to now.That's a hard thing to come to terms with.
Tbh,I don't see what more you could have done/can do.

I think they have definatly just coped with it before now and thats what they intend to do now too.

I don't think there is anything else I could have done or do now, but it's bugging me a bit that her dd may be insinuating that we are back stabbing or something.

Anyway, I have enough of my own problems to deal with at the moment so am gonna do as they asked and let them deal with it I think.

I think maybe they have been 'back stabbed' as they see it,in the past,maybe something happened where they almost had to confront it and that has made them angry(and scared) that it is going to happen again.
I don't think it's you,you just happened to be the target today.
At the end of the day they have to deal with it.