Think my sister is an alcoholic

[howcanihelp]

I am a regular poster but have changed my name for this. Not because I don't want you to know who I am but because I don't want to risk anyone identifying my sister from this.

My sister is 27, has a 15 month old DD and has been drinking excessively for a long time. We're not sure exactly when it started but we've discovered that she's been drinking about 1/2 bottle of vokda every day. She drinks at home alone with her DD and her fiance says he didn't know about it.

She's had problems with depression in the past and has taken 2 paracetamol overdoses. Once while her baby was asleep in another room and no-one else was there.

She has lied to all of us about her drinking, goes to different places to get her alcohol and hides the bottles.

About 8 months ago she admitted she had a problem and agreed to see an alcohol counsellor. We all thought she'd made big progress and a few months into it, the counsellor suggested a path of "controlled drinking". None of us really understood what was involved with this but she seemed to be doing OK for a while. There have been a couple of incidents recently however whern it's been obvious that she's overdone it, but none of us wanted to criticise.

Now it has all come out in the open and she's agreed to go to AA. I really hope she manages to get a grip on it before her DD is old enough to know what's going on.

I desperately want to help but don't know what we can do. She says it's fine and she can do this on her own. Part of me feels so angry with her for putting her baby at risk. Another part is furious that her fiance says he didn't notice. How can you drink that amount and the person living with you not know? I don't understand how she could. I don't understand the whole thing. Can anyone give me advice?

Does she just have depression or is she bipolar? It would help to understand if it is one or the other.

AFAIK depression. I do have my suspicions that she may be bipolar though. She does have quite dramatic highs and lows.

My sister is an alcoholic, and no matter how hard any of us try to help her she won't let us anywhere near. It's hard to watch her on self-destruct but there is nothing you can do if she won't let you help her.

I have to say that controlled drinking has been a waste of time for my sister. If she could control it she wouldn't be in the state she's in.

Try talking to someone from Al-Anon - they are set up to support the friends and family of alcoholics.

Does your sister have chiidren WWB? TBH that is the hardest part for me. No way do I want to see her destroying herself but her DD has no choice in this.

look at this link here

bipolar sufferers self-medicate with alcohol quite commonly...but the root of the problem is about being bipolar, not about being an alcoholic

Thanks for that mousiemousie. She has an appalling self-image. She is overweight but literally hates her appearance.

She has three children, all teenagers - I suppose the youngest was only about 10 when all this started. It's been tough on them, it's also meant their behaviour is appalling sometimes - attention-seeking, I suppose, because she's never really been there for them as she should. They also have behavioural problems that go a long way back, probably from my sister's behaviour.

She has mental problems too; initially they thought they were alcohol-induced, then they suspected bi-polar - until they sort that out the alcohol thing will just carry on.

try downloading the pdf booklet, get her to read it and see if you thinks it describes how she feels...nobody wants to put their baby at risk and everyone knows drinking heavily does. She is out of control, probably due to chemical brain imbalance whether it is depression or bipolar syndrome. It's not her fault, but she does need help, try not to blame her. You sound like a great sister to have

Not sure that she is 'manic'. Perhaps it's just dramatic mood swings...

Will try to broach the subject with her though.

Hi
My sister is an alcoholic, albeit one who is in aa, and is not drinking, and has not drunk for about 6 years. Unfortunately, the harsh truth about alcoholics is that they will NOT get help or admit any problem until they have reached rock bottom, and when they are drinking, no-one else exists, it is just them and the alcohol. It is also a disease. The person with this disease deserves support; however, it is very very difficult to support someone who seems to want to self-destruct. I had to watch my sister get herself into all sorts of terrible situations, particularily with men, and be powerless to act. One of the AA mantras is that alcoholics are 'powerless' over alcohol, and I think this applies to relatives too. You can't really do anything pro-active to help your sister as such, just be there. Al-anon is a very good idea, you will be able to educate yourself about alcoholism.
The fact your sister has a DD makes it a lot more difficult to accept her problem. Do you think the drinking came before the depression or the other way round? Did she manange to stop drinking while she was pregnant?
It sounds like her fiance is in denial about the extent of her problem; however, alcoholics CAN be very devious in concealing evidence of their drinking.
My heart goes out to you, I can remember the same mix of helplessness and rage at my own sister. And of course, your sister poor DD.

there are degrees of "manic" within the bipolar syndrome...the most severe would result in arrest/committal to a mental institute but if you have bipolar "lite" like Stephen Fry it would be less dramatic. I suspect that your sister will probably know if she is bipolar if she reads the leaflet.

Is the Stephen Fry programme repeated?

I think Part 2 is on on thursday night but check the beeb website for details
MM xxx