Considering sterilization....

[squidette]

Hi

I am a fairly new reader and poster here at mumsnet, and have decided to have my mirena coil removed - this is hopefully being done next Tuesday if no complications (i had to go into hospital for the insertion, so i have my fingers tightly crossed). I have 2 boys, 7 and 4 and i am divorced, not currently in a relationship but if i ever did find myself as part of a team again, i am very very sure that i dont want to have any more little ones.

The idea of getting sterilized did cross my mind and now doesnt seem to want to go away - and i am thinking about seriously investigating this option. I have a huge list of questions already begining to stack up in my thoughts, but i have really loved the support and feedback that i have read here on the threads, so thought i would post to see if anyone has personal experience of this choice.

Hi squidette, won't don't you just see what happens with the 'man' situation before you decide? There isn't any harm in investigating though. I'm sorry i haven't got any experience with sterilisation but wanted to bump up your thread

Thanks BrummieMom

Yes - because i am not in a relationship atm, and quite content to be so, there is no hurry to make a decision. I think i feel that i have completed my 'family' - i adore my boys and at 34, feel truly complete as a mother. Someone did mention that i had better start asking myself some really tough questions if i am considering such a drastic approach - such as how would i feel if one, or both, of my children died. Although that is such a brutal thought, and it feels weird to talk about, i guess what i need to give myself is some honesty about how i would feel. Would i want to have another baby? Or if i met someone that wanted children and i didnt and couldnt have them, how would that impact on a relationship?

I guess i am not a mind reader or a fortune teller, and i do know that how i feel today wont necessarily be the same as how i feel tommorrow, but as you say, i least i can investigate it a bit more.

I think i will talk it through with my doctor on Tuesday, too.

Are you having problems with your mirena? Just wondering why you want to remove it when it si doing it's job (if it is?)

Medulla

Until very recently, i thought not! I have been having bad lower backpains, acne (so severe that my doctor put me on Lymecyclin (after i convinced him that i DID wash properly!) and noticible increase in hairyness too. I thought all these were symptoms of Getting Older - but after finding a couple of threads here and gasping in wonder that others had experienced similar side effects, i did some reading around and decided that i was going to have it removed. As a single person, there is no real reason - as in contraception - just the convienience of not having a period.

Making the decision and the appointment just got me thinking about what i felt about having more children and what i wanted. But yes, i am having the coil removed as i think it may help some of these side effects.

I see, good reason to have it removed but sterilisation is so final, you have to be so sure - as you already know!

You sound like your mind is in the right place for sterilisation.

TBH, mumsnet seems very anti-sterilisation. And the UK in general, I've found.

There's this whole perception that if you find another partner, you're going to want to have kids w/him/her.

When of course, some people really don't. Some people feel that, if my husband and kids dropped off tomorrow, and I met someone else, I don't want to go there anymore.

I think 34 is old enough to know what you want and need for yourself out of life.

It's a VERY good idea to talk this over w/a professional, however, and perhaps even ask your GP for a referral to chat things over w/a counsellor.

I know a good many people who are sterilised, both men and women. Some who have had kids, others who never have.

Haven't met a one yet who regretted their decision.

My best friend was just sterilised last December. She is 39 and, although happily married, childless. Her husband is also childless, but she wanted to be sterilised b/c she never wanted it to happen, which he was fine with.

My other best pal is a single mum to a now adult daughter she had when she was 23. She never wanted anymore kids and had herself sterilised at 38.

I know several men who had vasectomies, my dad, BIL and FIL - all fathers of two biological children, as well as some men who wanted to remain childfree.

All were VERY sure they NEVER EVER wanted kids anymore when they went for their procedures. There wasn't a shadow of a doubt for them or any pressure.

Good luck in what you decide.

Thank you expat

A great suggestion to ask my doctor for a referal to a counsellor, not just to help me to weigh up the decision, but also to help me be able to cope with the implications that it may have for others in my life, too, and how to cope with peoples responses.

I am glad that your friends didnt have regrets and are happy with the choice. It is very nice to feel reassured that it is possible to make such a decision and feel content that it was the right one.

hi,
i wa sterilised 2 years ago after the birth of my 4th child.
was certain i didnt want anymore children and didnt want to carry on with the hassle of taking contraception.
i can honestly say have never regretted having the op. it was my choice and my dh.
we both knew we didnt want to have anymore children .
yes, i still feel broody when i see new borns etc.
but we are both happy and content with the children we have got .
it is a big decision though and you must be 100% sure it is what you want

Locally it's hard to get sterilised, consultants want GPs to get patients to use the Mirena coil instead. Have you actually spoken to your GP about what you want? The wait to be sterilised can be 12-18 months, too.

Yes, they try to push Mirena here, too.

But the bottom line is that it is hormone-based contraception, and it honestly doesn't work for all people.

I'd be sterilised myself, but I'm a major risk for general anaesthesia due to a genetic condition I have AND the no-lifting thing/recovery afterwards.

I had my mirena coil removed this morning - when i asked my Doctor about sterilization, her immediate response was say that she wouldnt recommend it. 'What if you meet someone else?' she asked. It was quite hard to explain that i didnt link personal relationship happiness to be absolutely tied with having to have children with that person.

She gave me a leaflet on a private clinic that carry out tubal ligations via local anaesthetic (apparently its very rare to have a general for this now!) and told me that she wanst sure if i could get it done on the NHS in my area.

I am not suprised at the response, i guess i will keep on looking for someone that actually wants to help me look at this. Is it really so strange?

im 27 and was sterilised 2mths ago. make sure its right for you, then TELL dr its what you want.......now!

good luck

cx

I am 35, dh is 36 and he was sterilised 3 years ago, while I was pg with dd2. The doc only agreed to do it as I was very ill in my pg and had been advised to have no more children, and also dh said that even if the worst happened and I dropped dead he couldnt go through having children with someone else.

It has been the best decision we ever made - (even though I made him have 4 sperm tests rather than the normal 2 as I was paranoid about the chance of being pg!) - and it is so amazingly great not to have to worry about it!!