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Think Mum has given up what do I do

3 replies

Achooblessyou · 04/09/2014 06:52

Dm is 67 and has rheumatoid arthritis which is very painful and has made her virtually housebound. She is getting all possible treatments for that.

But recently she has had a suspected ulcer and had two bouts of treatment over 8 or more weeks which have not worked. She still gets sharp stomach pains and has been constipated.

She won't go to her (not very good) gp because "there's no point". She won't change gps even though I've offered to help. She has an unhealthy lifestyle full of red meat, smoking and drinking (whilst on methotrexate -not good).

She is very stubborn. She needs shopping and cleaning help which I do. Ddad (also poor health) cooks.

Her quality of life is very poor in most peoples' books just watching TV all day but she rarely agrees to go out. I think she is depressed and the only light at the end of the tunnels is to leave us all hence she doesn't want to prolong her life by making any effort. She'd like to be more involved with my kids but they hate going round because of the "smog".

We have historically (since I was about ten!) had a bit of a power struggle with me saying " eat better, stop smoking, I'll help" and her saying no no no.

Is there anything I can do?

OP posts:
Flexibilityisquay · 04/09/2014 15:37

Realistically, it sounds like you are doing everything you can do. You can't live her life for her unfortunately. I think the best thing you can do is try and detach a little to protect yourself if that makes sense?

hiddenhome · 04/09/2014 16:29

She isn't going to change at that age.

All you can do is have a frank discussion with her and leave her to make the decisions about how she wishes to lead her life.

Achooblessyou · 04/09/2014 16:44

Thanks both, you've confirmed what I thought but I feel so sad for her Sad

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