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Original poster

Constipation - possible abuse - advice needed

11 replies

jampot · 02/04/2004 12:33

A friend has just called me as her niece's daughter who is 2.5 has started retaining. Apparently she has a tear as diagnosed by GP, she also completely freaked out when lady in shoe shop held her feet together! My friend has a horrible feeling about the child's babysitter but can't really explain why she feels like this. Also friend's brother (child's grandad) feels the same. Does anyone have any idea what they should do next? The mummy knows nothing of their concerns.

OP posts:

marthamoo · 02/04/2004 12:43

I honestly have no idea what you do next in these circumstances. If they are really worried then they need to talk to their niece first - they cannot do anything without the mother, and she is going to be horrified and devastated if she has no suspicions.

Then, I don't know. If the mother agrees then I suppose Social Services? I would be very wary of jumping to conclusions though - and would have thought the little girl should be gently talked to by someone who has some experience in this and won't put words in her mouth so to speak.

It sounds like a potential disaster zone to me, jampot - could get very nasty

secur · 02/04/2004 12:54

Message withdrawn

nutcracker · 02/04/2004 12:55

Oh dear Jampot, how awful.
A similar thing happened to me whilst i was placed with a childminder during a college course placement.
She had recently split with her husband but the children were still seeing him. I heard her telling a friend that she was concerned that her son was wetting the bed (he was 10) and her daughter had sufered with rectal bleeding. She also thought that the kids were scared of their dad.
She didn't seem to know what to do about it, but i felt i couldn't just do nothing. I informed my course tutor, who after listening to me and speaking to other members of staff, contacted social services.
I was taken out of the placement and don't see the family now. I am not totally sure of the outcome but i know that the kids do not now see their father.

nutcracker · 02/04/2004 12:56

Sorry, meant to explain that the mother was obviously concerned that they may be being abused, i didn't just jump to that conclusion.

secur · 02/04/2004 12:58

Message withdrawn

Original poster

jampot · 02/04/2004 14:39

I don't know this child but I have known her great aunt (only 48) for the best part of 17 years. My son also retained and one of the reasons she rang was because of this (he has a very sluggish bowel and we have been though the psychologist/specialist/gp line with him). I suggested she tell her niece about my ds and ask her to arrange a child psychologist for the little child in the hope that if there is something wrong it will be picked up quickly. BTW the babysitter is the child's dad's brother. I'll pass all your comments onto my pal. Thanks xx

OP posts:

robinw · 02/04/2004 15:23

message withdrawn

Freckle · 02/04/2004 16:16

Why does your friend suspect the babysitter? Has something happened to suggest that he might be doing something untoward? Although no child should ever be left in an unsafe environment, you do need to be fairly sure of your ground before any accusations are made. Just look at the trauma caused to innocent families on the word of one man (Meadows - although there have been others).

Would the gp not have been suspicious about the tear if there had been abuse? Was your friend present in the shoe shop and witness the incident? Children of this age can be terribly difficult for no apparent reason (actually amend that to children of any age!).

Why does the grandad feel the same way? Do your friend and her brother dislike the dad's brother for some reason? There are so many factors to consider.

At the end of the day, though, if there is evidence that the child's environment is unsafe, some action has to be taken.

Original poster

jampot · 02/04/2004 17:45

I really don't know whether she has been present at any of these incidents and like you feel they (friend and her brother) need to be sure of their facts (or theories) before they go round accusing people. I really hope they are just "looking too much into it". I have passed your messages on to my pal.

OP posts:

Levanna · 04/04/2004 22:21

Hi jampot, I think I'd tend towards Securs way of thinking and if in doubt, seek help. I recently took part in a 'child protection recognition and referral' course as part of some community work I do. A couple of the contacts they listed for information and support in situations where there are concerns (whatever they may be) are

Childline: 0800 1111
NSPCC: 0800 800500 (24 hour)
or the local social services department.

It doesn't sound like your friend and her brother are accusing as such, just concerned for her great niece's welfare? Either way, they don't need to 'name names' so one of the above numbers might be a good place for advice....

hatter · 06/04/2004 22:07

Hi there,

Childline would be a very good idea - they can advise you / the great aunt on what to do. In the mean time would an offer of baby-sitting from your friend reduce the amount of baby-sitting this individual does? Is this an option that could be done without accusation?

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