I Should Be Happy........ Right?!

[ZaraW]

I was diagnosed with breast cancer five years ago, it was a difficult time I was misdiagnosed which was hard for me to deal with and I was in an abusive relationship. The relationship ended when he was working overseas and didn't even bother to call to see how the operation went. I also had a bad time with chemo my body hated it and the reaction was severe.

Five years on I am doing well (touch wood) but the fear has never left me. Sometimes I don't think about it and sometimes it makes me depressed but I can shake it off within a few days. Not so much this time. If anybody has been in this situation how do you deal with it? Does the anxiety ever go away? I have my regular check up next week so maybe that has got something to do with it. I am close to remission I should be happy right?!

I am thinking of meditating something I did years ago maybe that will calm me down.

Did you ever have any counselling around your diagnosis/treatment? It's not at all surprising that you still have the fear - you had a very bad time with it!
By all means try meditation, it certainly can't do any harm, but if you can, look into getting some counselling to see if it helps with the post-event anxiety.

You might be able to get some help or direction from the Penny Brohn Cancer Care people in Bristol - they have counsellors - but you might choose to stay away from a place that is associated with cancer when you are heading towards being NED yourself.

Good luck with your check up next week - I hope you get the all clear - but do consider the counselling to help you deal with the anxiety.

Thumbwitch - thank you for your help and kind wishes. No I never had counselling though it is something I will talk to my nurse about it next week. I think I was naïve in thinking that the cancer journey ends but I think for me at least it is something that will be with me for a very long time.

Thanks again.

You're welcome - I hope it all goes well for you :)

First of all, congratulations on the massive, fantastic changes in your life over the last few years! It would be asking way to much of yourself to be able to sort out all your feelings about it without some conscious effort. I think either some counselling, or meditation, or whatever you find helps you would be a really good idea right now. Thing is, once you're officially in remission, you may find you have to start dealing with the other difficult, maybe more complex emotions that have been drowned out by fear of the cancer. It can be terrifying to start with, so it's good to have some support, but you are clearly a strong and resilient person: you're more than capable of beating your anxiety.

I think how you deal with cancer treatment has a lot to do with how those around you react. (Yes, I've been through it). You went through possibly one of the toughest times of your life without loving support. That's got to affect anybody. You didn't deserve it and I'm sorry it happened.
I have to say that I don't think about what happened, the treatment and everything, but when my routine appointment comes round a whole maelstrom of feelings comes back to haunt me. It all comes back.
Counselling sounds like it would work for you to get it all out in the open and deal with it. Somehow at that point where you are discharged you feel extra vulnerable. For me it was May this year. It's the end of a long treadmill and you wonder what will happen next, now nobody's keeping a regular check on you.
I decided maybe something like attending a Well Woman clinic might help.
I hope you find a counsellor to talk to.

sandthorn thank you what you said makes sense. I think I have been blocking many things out especially on the relationship side. The person who I was with was a compulsive liar and I had no interest in meeting anyone else. He wanted to break me he did so many nasty things thankfully he didn't succeed. However, now I want to be in a long term relationship again I need to let go of the past. It's difficult though. Thank you, I like to think I am strong but I am only beginning to realise that counselling will help me get back on track.

helzapoppin2 thank you for your kind words and yes that is exactly how I feel when my check up comes round. I can never shake the feeling of when I was told I had cancer I don't think any of us can really? After remission it is the next stage getting on with the rest of your life but without the support you have become reliant on. Wishing you good health.