Hello All
I need some help/advice on how to be.
Since leaving law school in 2000 I have worked solidly in elite City law firms. For a variety of reasons, I am now at home with my 6 year old daughter.
We love each other and at times have lovely fun times but I'm really struggling with the hum drum, the day to day and the crashing boredom.
I have been prone to depression for some years and it has got more severe over the lady couple of years to the point where i was admitted to the Priory. I think I am in a really low/severe episode although that is right now - last night I didn't feel anything, other than that dying is definitely the best option, this despite having my little girl.
I need to be able to reach out to someone, anyone who lives nearby and would be prepared to chat or meet up. I am so isolated. I have no family nearby and I moved my whole life to Essex to be with my husband just before I had my daughter so I have little support network as all previous friends in West London have drifted and I have struggled to make new friends in the area - depression, lack of confidence, feeling a failure (I can't have any more kids and actually don't want to which rules me out of so many socials where people have more than one) and working in town.
I am going to see my GP this pm and am dreading it. I know I will break down and i don't know how to put myself together again once that happens.
Will somebody please tell me it's ok to be just a good enough mother and get this awful pressure to do and be everything off my back. I am so used to being a perfectionist at work that I'm not adjusting well to being at home in a village I hate whilst my husband is out if the house for 12-13 hours a day.
I love my child but I sometimes wish i had never had her as I feel a complete inadequate who would be better out of her life.
Please help me
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