Really quite worried and don't know what to do.

[OldVikingDudeHidMyTubeSocks]

It's my Dad. He's 70 years old and not been in the best of health for a long time but lately everything seems a lot worse.

He had to take early retirement well over ten (maybe even fifteen) years ago, can't remember exact date, due to heart problems. He's had two heart attacks (years ago) and has angina and very high blood pressure.

The doctor keeps trying him on new medication for his BP because his legs and feet keep swelling to the point where he can barely stand.

Here's the bit that's got me worried, my mum told me that he's had a few incidences of blacking out. One of which was where he was reaching up to close the curtains and my mum then found him passed out on the floor, he had no recollection of what happened.
He's refusing to go to the doctor because he's scared they'll take his drivers licence away (he rarely goes out anyway!)
My sisters and I are not supposed to know about any of this so naturally we all do. But he wont listen to mum about going to see a doctor and I feel so helpless. For some reason strokes was the first thing that came to mind when my mum told me. My sister thinks it could be his heart.

Seem stuck between a rock and a hard place here. My dad hates fuss, hates looking weak and hated turning 70 because he doesn't want to be seen as old. He's also grouchy and grumpy and thinks everyone who is not his immediate family and inlaws as having ulterior motives. He has been on medication for depression in the past but im unsure if he still is.

Oh and he drinks like a fish. Every night quite heavily but not to the point where he's a slurring mess.

He smoked for 50 years but gave up a month ago.

Not sure I want to get from posting this, I know he needs to get his arse to a doctor.

Feel so helpless.

I'm very familiar with your situation OldViking, except it was with my late husband (died 3 years ago at 78).

He developed congestive heart failure after being very ill with multi-organ failure 3 years before his death. He had been due to have a bypass, but that was cancelled because the risk outweighed the benefits, so was on various meds to control his condition. He was on BP meds as he also had pulmonary hypertension, and began to have occasional fainting events (vasovagal syncope maybe), especially after getting up from a chair (orthostatic hypotension). These gradually became quite frequent, over the following 3 years, until it was almost daily.

Then one day he blacked out while driving a brand new car, and hit another car (fortunately no injuries to the other party) but he had became a terrible driver in the preceding years. He was admitted to hospital, and after tests, was found to have a small bleed on the brain (no doubt caused by the falls). This also resulted in short term memory loss, a bit like dementia.

He came home, but it was extremely difficult to cope with him, as like your Dad, he was a stubborn old bugger. A week or so later, he had a bad fall down the stairs whilst I was out shopping, and I came home to a blood-soaked hall. Straight back into hospital, where he slowly deteriorated, and died 2 months later (from pulmonary embolism).

Like your Dad, he was a life-long smoker, used to do weight training (very vain!), and liked to drink, even when he was quite ill (he became quite jaundiced near the end, from liver failure). So I know where you're coming from, unfortunately.

He really needs to stop driving, hard as that is, as he's at great risk of an accident - does your Mum drive? I took over most of our driving long before he became so bad as his driving frightened me, but he still went out and about alone in the car.

He absolutely must go back to his doctor, could your Mum go with him? It must be very hard for her to deal with this, and I'm sure you will try to support her as much as you can.

Wishing you the best, good luck!

OP here. Thank you ever so much for your thoughtful reply NanTheWiser (and what an excellent username! )

My elder sister is going to try and talk my mum into persuading him to go back to the doctor.

Unfortunately he won't go out in the car with my mum driving, I can kind of see his point she is rather scary.

I hope your sister can help in getting him to see the GP - maybe he needs a referral back to the cardiology dept. at his hospital (ours has a "falls" service within the geriatric unit, I think).

I was a bit hesitant in replying to your post, as mine isn't a "good news" story, but your Dad sounds so similar to my old man, that I felt I should!

The driving issue really needs to be addressed however - he is at real risk of an accident, unfortunately, which could be catastrophic.

My very best wishes, hope he gets some help.

If your dad won't go you could make an appt to see his gp yourself. While the gp is unlikely to tell you anything they may be able to suggest how to get him some medical input that he will go along with and at least you'll know that the gp is fully aware of his condition ( just in case he's a bit liberal with the truth with his gp). Good luck.

That's a good idea maxpower, we do share the same GP too.

I'm going to be low on sympathy here ( but obviously care!) and come pretty much to the point.

Your dad should not be driving.

He could be having mini strokes ( both my parents have had them)- re. the passing out. If this occurred behind the wheel he could cause deaths of innocent people.

Of course he could be passing out from alcohol poisoning - or simply being drunk and if he drinks as much as you say then he could be over the limit when he drives.

Your mum needs to talk to him bluntly, as do you and if that fails your mum ought to see his GP and explain and they might call him in.

There is also a means of reporting someone unfit to drive to the DVLC and although in your shoes I'd feel awful doing it, I'd rather do that as a last resort than have innocent people killed.

Please act on this and sorry you are going through it.

thank you for your post poshpjs but like I did say in my OP he rarely goes out. My mum does all the shopping and what not on her own. If my mum can persuade him to go out then im with them and tend to do the driving.

I did think that about the alcohol and passing out but it's happened in the day and he doesn't touch alcohol until past 7pm.

I agree it could be mini strokes. that was my first thought when my mum told me about them.

Sorry- realised after posting that he rarely drives- but even once is enough!

If he goes to the dr they will recommend an MRI scan to check for signs of old strokes- it's possible to have loads when asleep too and never know. This is what they found with my mum who was diagnosed with a TIA.

The point is he needs treatment. I know you know this! I think you and your mum have to have a frank talk with him no matter how hard he finds it.

If he passed out again would your mum be willing to phone for an ambulance? That would get him seen to quickly.

posh thank you, I'm unable to talk to him because im not supposed to know about it!

Coco, my mum would be more than willing to do that and im actually waiting for the inevitable call tbh the stubborn git needs to realise it's not good to wait until he needs emergency treatment but thinking back he was the same with his heart problems, all the classic symptoms of heart trouble but doesn't do anything until he's at the bottom of the stairs having a heart attack!

Om a good note I saw him yesterday and he did seem brighter. I'm going round again today so will have a talk with mum again.

Why is it that it happens all of a sudden? Growing up and your Dad is always that big strong man who can build anything and fix everything, then all of a sudden you properly look at him and you realise he's actually elderly and you can't remember it happening.

Might be hard but think your mum has to talk to him and tell him that you are now an adult and need to be in on what is going on.
It's not really practical to keep secrets from an adult daughter! Maybe she needs to stand up to him because it does sound as if both you and your mum are a little bit afraid of him?

It might not he 'his way' of dealing with things but maybe you and your mum can join forces?