brother and cancer diagnosis

[weeonion]

my older brother has told us all this week that he has been diagnosed with Hodgkin lymphoma. my family are in bits - very upset.

Sounding callous but I am not. the reason - i am not sure i believe him.

He has a history of exageration, fabrication and lying to us all. From more minor things like having been robbed, involved in car accidents to more major things like having a child, being kidnapped whilst in another country or receiving personal phone-calls from Lana Del Ray. It has reached the stage where i am about nearly everything that comes out of his mouth. He is soooooo easy to catch out on lies and doesnt even realise that he has been at times. He forgets what he has said and when challenged about it -he denies all knowledge or will make it a whole new set of lies to cover that up.

With his latest news - he said that he found a lump in his neck last thursday. went to see his GP on Friday who spent most of her day with him and collected him late on Sunday night to get him admitted to a private clinic (for free) where he had an operation at 10.30pm with the results back at 9am Monday morning to say it was cancer. His GP waited with all night while he was in the operating theatre and drove him home before collecting him at lunch time that day to meet his oncologist and radiologist. She has apparently spent most nights with him ever since and has given him alot of attention to come to terms with this diagnosis. He is starting radiotherapy and chemotherapy tomorrow.

He told my parents on wednesday. They dont know what to believe but think he simply couldnt lie about something as major as this. They wont challenge him on their doubts as he has a history of stopping speaking to people - he once refused to speak to them for over a year when they caught him out on a lie about borrowing money. He also has a history of being violent and has smashed my mums kitchen up a couple of times.

I can understand to a certain degree why they wont challenge him but I am not really willing to go along with what may well be another lie. I have asked him if i can have the name of his GP to say a thank you card as i think her level of personal care and attention in this day and age is almost unbelievably good. He has refused. He doesnt know the name of the clinic he was in last sunday as his GP sorted it all out and it was dark when he was admitted.

I think the whole time frame is strange. i am confused as to how rapid this all has been and there seems to be huge holes in his story. i appreciate that may be because he has just received shocking news but after everything that has happened in the past - I just dont know....

Am i being callous and harsh?
Do you think i should go along with this and give him the benefit of my doubts?

Oh weeonion, the way you describe things leaves me of the same mind as Attila. We have known a number of people like this and you could have been describing any one of them, right down to removing themselves from situations where they couldn't possibly be the centre of the universe (like your brother when your mum was sick).

Only two have been diagnosed with a personality disorder to date; I believe this is because most of the others would never acknowledge they have/are the problem.

It seems they only seek help when the behaviour has become ridiculously destructive to themselves and others and they become isolated as a result.

To be fair, some people who could be described as having fantasist type traits are perfectly harmless and just tell wonderful tall tales with little to no negative impact on others, although they can be frustrating or irritating to people who just don't get why they simply can't stop with the stories that seem completely pointless.

I honestly don't think you can do anything to help your brother; he has to do that for himself. The only way you can prevent him having a direct, negative impact on you is to disengage with his various dramas.

thanks folks.

I am feeling that i will stay out of this one and watch whatever happens.
My parents dont believe him but just in case it is true, they are erring on the side of caution and going along with it all.
My siblings are going to follow our parents lead and i am gonna keep my mouth shut to everyone on what i think and feel.

Well, it well and truly hit the fan!

Yesterday afternoon he rang my mother to say he had been sectionned, was in a secure unit and had been there for 3 days. He didn't know where he was but she wasn't to worry. He also texted,my younger brother to say this and sent me a FB message.

I spent an hour ringing everywhere to find out where he was. There was NO record of him being sectionned nor admitted to a mental health institute anywhere. I spoke with his GP who said there was no physical health problems at all and she had never given him weekend attention/ admissions. I am on the phone doing this - he was messaging me to say he had escaped and was on his way home!!!!!
I told him I knew he was lying but he denied that.
My parents went to his home. He admitted lying about cancer but said he had been sectionned. They took him to GP and they all confronted him on lies. He denied having told parents about being sectionned and admission to hospital - basically all of the panic of yesterday.

He accepted he has mental health problems. He has moved back in with my parents. They are awaiting appt with crisis team for assessment.
Meanwhile my mother is waiting on him like a servant and he is still trying to lie to them.

What a bloody mess.

Oh dear weeonion. I'm so sorry you and your family are having to go through this.

Hopefully the confrontation with the GP will get him the help that he needs...but he still has to want it, and that's a long and difficult road. I hope you can all come together to be there for your parents in a way that strengthens their resolve but doesn't accommodate/enable your brother.

Good luck OP

weeonion

So very sorry to read this. It is very hard for family members.

I sincerely hope that he accepts the help that he needs but he may equally not do so.

This must be very hard for you. He clearly has mental health problems, hopefully this will get him some help. Perhaps saying he has been sectioned is almost what he wishes would happen? He can't be happy like this.