Please help, am I going mad???

[Amandella]

I had my second baby 8 weeks ago and in the past 3 weeks or so, I've been absolutely panicking about my state of health. I'm convincing myself that I have cancer - more specifically a tumour in my right side. Before my baby was born, I had some vague pains to the right of my tummy button and I went to the GP, who sent me for Xrays and an ultrasound. They checked my liver, kidneys, gall bladder, ovaries and various other parts of my abdomen and found nothing. The pain subsequently disappeared. However, about 3 weeks ago I thought I felt some slight swelling in my right abdomen - nothing definite and frankly, it's impossible to tell because I have a load of saggy flesh around my stomach from having the baby and have lost all muscle tone. It kind of hangs down and when I sit down, I can feel it at the top of my legs - but it feels worse on the right side, so I've convinced myself that I have a growth or a tumour there. I can't stop thinking about my right abdomen and so I keep prodding and poking and looking at it but I can't really see anything - it just feels odd....and I get the odd pain. I have no other strange symptoms (I've spent hours on the internet researching this)....

I realise it's probably all in my mind and I think it's because I'm so very worried that something might happen to me when I have 2 beautiful children who rely on me for everything (we have no other family) so I'm probably panicking.....and convincing myself there's something wrong.

I thought about it last night and in the past 4 or 5 years (my oldest dd is 6), I have been to the doctors loads of times, and had extensive tests for severe headaches (I though it was a brain tumour) - nothing. I've suffered from panic attacks and dizzyness for years (although got them under control following hypnotherapy). I've been to the GP in a panic about a mole on my left leg (it was fine). I've rushed to the A&E having had 2 miscarriages - convincing myself that I am haemorraging (not true). It's clear that I'm a total hypochondriac but yet, I'm sitting here thinking that I've definitely got something seriously wrong with me yet again..... and in every spare moment, I'm checking out my latest set of symptoms on the internet.

I haven't told my dh about my latest "ailment" - he's so fed up with me being "ill" - and frankly I don't blame him. I'm getting desperate now - I don't know how to cope with these feelings any more. What should I do? What if there really is something wrong with me and I don't take any notice because I'm afraid of being called a hypochondriac?? Please please can anyone help me?

Appendicitus? Gall bladder? There's some other internal organ that can act up and give you pain, esp. on the right side. Pancreas, maybe? , I once found a great website for self-diagnosis.
But main thing is, none of them are cancer. I think I decided mine (intermittant but very long-standing, must have had it 17 years now) was gall bladder. Sorry I can't find the web page, but has your GP ruled all of these common conditions out?j It's controversial whether chronic appendicitis even exists as a condition, but perhaps the others can be chronic?

I've had them all scanned and nothing! I'm feeling more bloated than in pain and just uncomfortable....

If is is any relief my aunt had a very large tumour in her womb although 13 cms in diameter it never protruded, it was only when it obstructed her urine flow that it was even noted. She is ok by the way!
Might be worth asking for referral to a physio for some advice on how to tighten up then muscles, this should help you regain firmness.
And we all get marshmallow haning gardens of babylon bellies - my dd is 17 mths and I'm still swaying... I laugh at mine.
Take care
xx

I had the same symptoms and it turned out to be part of my irritable bowl syndrome. So dont worry it could be something simple like that.
I know how you feel as I am always thinking I have something serious. My dh has taken the family medical book away because I self diagnosed all the time! Dont worry - the doctors would have picked up on something already. You are not going mad.

Remember - you have just has a baby. Your hormones are doing cartwheels. It is probably making you feel insecure because you now have two children and dont want anything to happen to you. I think from the timescale you put in your post this started around the time you had your dd1. It is natural to feel like you do, just try not to let it dominate your life. Everytime you start to worry that you have something wrong - make yourself do something else to distract you.

hope you feel better soon - give yourself time to feel better - having children is very streesful on your body. Take it easy! x x

Amandella, you?re not going mad and you?re not a hypochondriac ? you seem to suffer from general anxiety disorder. I was in exactly the same situation and went through hell for about a year. I too spent many hours on the internet looking up my various ?ailments? (mainly different types of cancer). Like you I have two lovely children (aged 4.5 and 2) and no other family around. I don?t think dh could cope with the practicalities of looking after the girls should anything happen to me. Fortunately I have a very good GP who has been very patient and understanding. I also had a few sessions with a psychiatrist who discussed with me how to deal with my anxiety using cognitive-behavioural therapy. Almost two years on I am feeling much better even that I am still obsessed with health worries. But this terrible fear that had gripped me every second I was awake has disappeared and I can enjoy my life again.
Re. your ?abdominal tumour?: If there was a tumour big enough for you to notice, it would have been detected when you had those thorough checks you?ve mentioned! There is a multitude of possible explanations for your symptoms; they might even be psychosomatic. See your GP anyway, to put your mind at rest and to get help for your anxiety. Things that were helpful for me included talking to one particularly understanding friend; trusting my GP; cutting out caffeine; exercising and avoiding all articles on life-threatening illnesses. Also, you have to stop prodding and ?checking? because this can actually cause the very symptoms you then have to deal with. You can email me via contact another talker if you want.

Amandella, I posted a thread a couple of months ago called something like 'afraid of dying', not sure that was it, but something like that anyway. I have terrible fears that something will happen to me and dd will be left motherless. It is such an enormous responsibility to become a mother, and we love them so much, really rather than seeing yourself as a hypochondriac etc. just remember you're feeling like this because you're protecting them. Also remember that the more you focus on something, the more you know it to be there. If you had a tumour big enough to feel through your skin, not only would Dr.'s have felt it too but you'd have all sorts of symptoms because of it.

Thank you so much for your messages.... I do feel a bit better - I have spoken to my dh about it today and he's been surprisingly understanding!! I am really going to try and stay positive and think about other things. You are right, I am totally paranoid that something will happen to me and the children will suffer. Thanks again for your support.

Good luck Amandella. And don't feel paranoid or stupid, next time you feel worried you're more than welcome to email me if you want. I'm a v. sympathetic ear to these kinds of fears.

I am a bit like that, I always worry something is really wrong with me, no words of wisdom sorry. But from experience the people I have met who are seriously ill in hospital always seem ill, so i suppose what I mean is you will never just get an illness and it not be obvious. That sounds a bit crap sorry