I need some help, advice and info..........

[Emskilou]

This is a bit of a long story so please bear with me. I believe my cousin (age 3) and cousins mum are at risk from my cousins mums daughter (age 13 from a previous relationship). The daughter has confirmed/diagnosed psychiatric problems but that is as far as it goes, the Drs appear ti have left it at that prescribed pills and thats it, the daughter is refusing to take the pills and is going berserk on a regular basis, almost daily. Examples of her behaviour include pulling the front door of the hinges, holding a knife to her mums(my cousins mum) throat, smearing food and rubbish over the walls of the house, cutting her mums clothes and shoes into pieces, threatened to kill herself and her mum and my cousin, using a knife to slice sofas, chairs, bedding, putting glass into the washing machine, throwing everything in the upstairs of the house downstairs. This week her mum reminded her to take her tablets, she got angry and took them all. She wont eat properly and weighs barely 6 stone now. Her mum has tried absolutely everything under the sun, and is now close to a breakdown herself. She has asked me for advice as I have suffered moderate to sever depressive episodes since the age of 17 and has no-one else to turn to, she is desperate for help on getting her daughter help. She has been to the Drs, police and the school asking for help and each time she gets fobbed off and no nearer to getting help she needs. I am wondering how long my cousin (aged 3) is going to be affected by this, obviously there will be some effect. WIll he still have a health visitor can they not get involved, could I ask my health visitor to look into it (she is an astounding health visitor and has helped me more than words can ever say)? Should I contact SS? I have said I will go to the Drs with her and tell her my concerns and demand that something be done, is this something I can do?? I'm sorry this has taken so long and I am sure there are more questions I need to ask but I'm not very good at putting things down in writing. If anyone can offer any help or advice I would be so very grateful, thank you in advance

How worrying for you - perhaps you could speak to your HV, she sounds wonderful.

Thank you for replying I think I will, each day that goes by now I get more worried. I am looking after my cousin during the day sometimes because his sister sometimes refuses to go to school and its too dangerous for him to stay in the house with her, it so scary what she may be capable of, I dread to think

Has she seen a psychiatrist? I think you need to go back to the GP and ask him for a referral (and to the local Mental Health team - people who help monitor her well-being and can do home visits etc.).

She has seen a psychiatrist, but in order to get another appointment she has to go to the gp who is 'thinking about' referring her again. I was disgusted at this and wondered if I could do anything? Thank you for reminding me of the local mental health team, I was under their care for a short while when I had pnd and I wondered if they could help out too. Thank you so much for replying, you kinda forget things when you are in the middle of it so thank you again x

it sounds like an awful situation - I hope you get some help. I've not had experience of the local mental health teams but a friend (whose sister has paranoid schitzophrenia) says they are absolutely fantastic - they help monitor her situation, make sure she is taking her medicine and also, they can recommend that she sees the psychiatrist (think they have some sway with getting appointments etc.) if they think things are not going well so it sounds like they can be quite a useful body!

I hope so too, just trying to find their number now and I cant! Thank you again

You shoul call your local hospital or ask to speak to a sister in A+E. There are CPN community health practitioners who could visit and make an assessment. Would she go to A+E if asked she sounds very unstable and especially if there is a younger child living in the house with her this is especially worrying. If you could get he to A+E she will see a psychatrist as long as she is sober and they have the power to section her under the Mental Health Act if they feel she is a danger to herself or others .

Most areas have a CAMHS team (Child and Adolescent Mental Health Team) -they are usually inter-agency, so a combination og NHS/ Social Services /Education.

How to get referrals to the team may vary in each area but your HV or GP should be able to tell you or, why not give them a ring direct and ask their advice as to how best get help?

The safety of the 3 year old is something SS is likely to be concerned about but you'd have to be careful that it goes in your favour ie. that concern for the young one helps get access to help for the 13 yr old, rather than intervention solely about 3 yo r old IYSWIM

Good luck

I wondered if that could happen, thank you for your reply. my younger cousin has just been dropped off by his mum and she looked in a terrible state, I saw her 3 weeks ago and she looks as though she hasn't eaten or slept since, I nearly cried for her. She is also suffering now, I think she is too scared to consider her daughter being sectioned a) because its her daughter and b)because she is worried what she'll do to herself or anyone else. I have tried to reassure her but I dont think I can all that well, I figure if I could get some more advice form everyone on here I will be able help and reassure her a little more. Does that make sense?

Trust your feelings if you are that worried do your best to take charge of the situation. She is probably so stressed, frantic and sleep deprived she is not in a position to make a rational decision. I had a family member aged 18 who went beserk at home parents had been worried for weeks. He was arrested for his own safety and taken to A+E where he was sectioned. A few months down the line he is now discharged, compliant with meducation and with family support is doing ok. If you do not feel confident to take this on on your own can you enlist the help of someone else as it will put a stronger case for doing something now.

Thank you so much I am sorry to hear what happened but it is good that he is doing ok now, and thank you bettyspaghetti, I think we crossed posts so I have only just re-read it.

You have been so helpful so thank you again, I will try to 'take charge' as it were because it is easier from the outside looking in. She seems, not at all surprisingly, lost faith in herself as a mother, hopefully I will now be able to help them all out or at least point them in the right direction. Lets just hope it works.

Not sure if you remember this but things have got worse, since I last posted on this thread the police have been called countless times and have done nothing, health proffessionals have done nothing and wont be doing anything until December/January at the earliest, school has done nothing.

On one occassion she (13 yr old) was hitting the mum using my cousins toys, causing some quite serious injury to the mum, police were called that they couldn't do much as it was in the home and she was only using wood and plastic?!? WTF?? They said that the mum could charge the dd with common assault and they would arrest the dd and bring her back in the morning and it would be taken to court in about 6 months time, mum saw no point in this and instead she was taken to the fathers house who brought the dd back at 2 am stating 'dd was doing my head in'.

Anyway, please accept my apologies for the length of this, the mum has now got to the point where she doesnt care, and has retaliated. She has turned to everyone for help and can't handle it any more. She is on blood pressure medication and looks about the same size as posh spice now as she has lost so much weight she is normally a size 10-12. You can see the stress on her, in her eyes, its almost heartbreaking, not sure what to do.

Thank you for reading this and sorry to rant on again!

OMG, how awful. I've only just seen this and not read the whole thread yet, so apologize if I'm repeating anyone.

Can the mum check the daughter into a psych ward? My nephew went through some problems secondary to substance abuse, not violent but still not normal behavior, and my brother had him checked in for two weeks for evaluation.

As far as the police go, it does sound as if having her arrested for assault might actually be a good thing if she would then be in the system, i.e. short stint in juvenile ward then possibly therapy and foster care.

I'm in the US, so none of this may apply where you are, but it's such a sad situation I felt I had to respond.

Good luck to your cousin, I hope something can be done for her and her son.

Thank you for your reply and sorry for the delay, had to tend to my little monkeys then got into making cookies with my cousin (he's 3 bless him and it got a bit messy!!)

Thats what I thought re: the police but apparently it doesn't work that way over here (UK) so this is why she is at a loss as to what to do, she has been told by ss that her dd will not be going into care as she is not in danger, the mum is due to countless attacks with a knife but that doesn't count! It really doesn't make sense at all, such a mess and so sad