Back to Back Trouble. The Back Pain Support Thread.

[Matildathecat]

This is a support thread for people with back pain (that does not even cover the description of hell that back pain causes). It's for all types of back pain, for long term posters with chronic pain (including those on the upwards journey to recover), short term advice through tough acute episodes and all the in betweens.

We moan, winge, share successes, guide each other and hand hold through the maize of a million medical routes and options, treatments, investigations. We internet shop as a form of pain relief, drink wine, take strong painkillers, eat cake and we go through lots of heat packs!

We don't always have the answers but we do have a lot to say about it all

Here are the links to our previous threads:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/general_health/1871592-The-Back-Story
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/general_health/1992406-The-Back-Story-Continues
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/general_health/2023274-More-Terrible-Back-Stories
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/general_health/2049637-Back-Again-Back-Pain-Support-Thread?msgid=47419209#47419209

And some other useful links and info:

www.patient.co.uk/health/cauda-equina-syndrome-leaflet

We have done the hard work for you and learned about effective drug combining. Using NSAIDs, a stomach protector, paracetamol with or without codeine (it enhances the codeine), nerve pain meds such as gabapentin and/or amytriptiline can all be more effective than simply taking huge doses of opiates. Of course most people won't need all of this but for severe prolonged back injuries this is helpful to know.

Heat, gentle exercise, TENs, medication patches, diazepam and accupuncture, we've tried them all.

So if you are suffering come and join us, were a social lot.

queen I am terrible at making decisions- and yes it deff gets harder the more stressed and anxious you are, or depressed. I have a private joke with my dh in the past because even deciding which pack of biscuits to buy would take me ages! Sometimes sleeping on it can help- or sharing with someone else, not really that they tell you what to do- but help reveal to yourself which way you feel strongest about. Maybe you are really dreading it and it is a way to stall it happening? Hope your pain improves soon, as you had a bad spell lately, and it's very hard with young kids, having stuff to be done at certain times etc but thy can also make you feel much better about the pain sometimes too.
What is the next step if you feel this low and they've discharged you from conselling? aren't they supposed to hang on to you until things are a bit better? have a big hug from me too ((((()))) . and later on coz you have to sort out that inflammation of course!
I had a long lie in today, it was nice but when I woke up I was playing catchup with pain a bit, took gaba as soon as i woke, then diclofenac as soon as id had lunch about an hour later. I missed brekkie and went staright to chix jalfrezi!
was it you msdj taking the gabapentin and increasing from 2x to 3x 200 at each dose- that is quite quick, I increased one dose by only 100 at a time and kept other 2 same until next day. I started at 100 3 x a day in mid April and have very slowly gone up to 900-1100 at each dose 3 times a day. In the beginning I took 600 when i was supposed to take 400 and it gave me such vertigo type feeling, world spinning around, that i had to lie down and sleep for 2 hours. so it can seem really horrid if you increase too much but that doesnt mean those side effects will stay. I dont get it at all now as matilda says- they were off. hope this helps. I have asked 2 docs about long term taking of it and they say it a relatively benign drug, much less to worry about than some so if it hlps the pain at all stick with the process and try to get it at the right level for you.

queen well done for standing up for yourself. It's the weekend now so no more you can do. I hope you get lots of rest and support for a few days. It doesn't sound like your DH is really getting it. I hope I'm wrong and he looks after you like your namesake all through the weekend.x

maizie, hi hon. How are you doing? Any news on your MRI?xx

queen,I wonder if with the new ccgs and commissioning your gp practice has a "deal"with local hospital and choose and book will cost them more ? It will almost certainly be down to money. Essentially the nhs has already been privatised and works like a series of internal markets. At least with an actual privatised system we would have choice of companies and providers. What's happening is too murky and incredibly hard to navigate.

If you are tenacious enough you can usually Google your local ccg policies and through freedom of information request more detail. It all takes time and energy at a time when we are ill.

my god the system sounds really messed up- reminds me of all the systems i am coming into contact with for my ds's asd provision- very disorganised and hard to get "real" and complete info. Luckily teachers alsways seem to know how to "work the broken stystem" so far but it sounds like docs and hcp's are less inclined to tell you how to get what you need done
Hiya matilda thanx for askng, I have a follow up appt on 20 june- it was supposed to be may 29 but they cancelled it to do op's all that day so I cant really begrudge them that, someone else getting an op a bit quicker. feel in a bit of limbo until that date - weird huh? had a catchup appt with doc yesterday and he said it was possible there might be a slight disc bulge/simiar even though i dont have any sciatica etc- you never had such did you matilda, and I have found the gabapentin the most reliable pain relief so far. I have had some vertigo like symptoms the other day, told him about it but he checkec my bp, eyes and ears and all fine- said keep an eye on it and report back next tie i see him. I've started taking 45 dihydracodeine with paracetamol, instead of 60, he has given me some 30's and some 10/500 so i can sdjust the dose and not take any more than needed in a way to also reduce it to minimum, hopefull get to a point where i only need to take it now and again when i do too much or whtever.

obvs I've always taken it when i have pain, but now trying to take it a bit further along and put up with a bit more. Hopefully doing physio, yoga and static bike will have a positive effct on pain level but they also have a negative one at first so it's going up and down alot at the mo. I told him all this, and I expresed a slight worry if i was handling it all right- without the advice of a pain clinic. He said he thought i was doing fine and that they change me onto pregablin and he seemed to think that was unecessary. I will give it all some time doing regular exercise and seee how I go with the gabapentin because i do find it helps- just feeling a bit extra- forgetful and sometimes sleepy but maybe that is due to other things. I find myself up at a very late hour, going to try to go to sleep earlier. Think this is happening because since reducing the coeine based meds there is more pain in the evening. Also going to take the amitryp a bit earlier and see how that goes. I am also open to trying a course of cbt to augment the pain relief. I know alot of people with chronic pain see cbt as a bad thing but I havent ever done anything like it and i know it helped my dad with his depression and I think I think like him quite a bit- has anyone else tried similar? sorry massive mememe post, have been raeding to catchup bt feel a bit lost about where everyone is up to as my memory is really crap lately. I will try not to make a mistake about who has done what, think I can catch up as we go along hopefully
dh and kids are going away for 3 days next week so i'll have some time to relax

maizie yes it was me with the Gabapentin. My memory is awful at the minute so I can't remember what the doctor said to me but remember he said I could go up to 3500 per day. So I started on 300 three times a day. Then after a few days went up to 600 at night. Then after a few more days up to 600 at lunch time. After a two weeks I found that I still wasn't sleeping very well so upped the evening one to 900 and that feels ok but when I looked at the label on the tablets it said to go up to 600 three times a day over three weeks. Oops. But I feel ok. No excessive side effects and they have really helped so for the time being will stay at 600 600 900. Am seeing the doctor in 3 weeks so will ask him if what I am doing is ok

I am clutching my MRI report, from december. It's not the best read. Will post about it later.

I have had a shockingly hard week but have got through it at work with the help of some fab team members, tramadol, diazepam in the evenings, and having no life. But I have done it. Cannot control the back spasms at the moment and in a lot of pain and hard to stand straight, or walk. But it's the weekend so YEY to lots of painkillers

I am going to catch up with all the posts, and will post more myself in response to all you lovelies and what's being going on.

msdj I have too done a big online shop (not including my ikea spend, as that's delivered now so doesn't count ) I have bought lots of things for camping and DH's birthday. I love internet shopping, my bank balance doesn't

queen re waiting times for appts and surgery - I waited almost 18weeks for my neuro appt, and had surgery 3 weeks later, so not necessarily the case that you will wait another few months for it.

I am a notorious decision maker. Always have been, getting worse as I get older. I actually find myself getting stressed making decisions like how to decorate, as I get in a fizz about whether the thing I have bought to put up in xyz is the right place, will it go, should it go somewhere else and so I don't do it. I have 10 photo frames to put up, which don't all have photos in as I can't decide what photos go best in what frame, and then worry about where to put them, what if it doesn't look right? So, no photos up on the photo wall. Shelves not put up, and my ikea stuff just sat in a box as I am dithering about where to put my wall rails and shelves. Same with clothes, I rarely buy clothes as I can't decide, which is why sales are good for me, lack of choice!

ok. so. My MRI report. From December. Which my consultant was hugely reluctant to tell me what was in it. Would not say there was not a disc bulge/protrusion, only that the original one was not there, and that there were 'changes' and not what they were, and in our appt, avoided all my questions to pin him down on this. Also, before I say what the report says, he has 'hidden' the results of the x-ray, not requested a report, which my GP is annoyed about saying 'he is keeping stuff close to his chest isn't he?, being possessive about this information'. Anyway. Recent report is not back yet, so this is the old one, before things deteriorated further.

L5/S1 is dehydrated. Modic type 1 end plate change is noted. broad based disc bulge and facet joint degeneration noted

L4/L5. broad based disc bulge and facet joint degeneration

L3/L4. no disc bulge. mild facet joint degeneration noted

No signs of spinal stenosis or nerve compression.

So. These are the results from 6 months ago. And things have got worse since then. GP has said he expects the disc to have prolapsed further, and that if it hasn't it will have been protruding outwards and in again at the very least. AT TWO LEVELS. One thing the consultant said before my last surgery was that all my discs were fine apart from the damaged one, so this is new, this second bulge.

I've done a quick research in t'internet, and Modic type 1 end plate changes can result intoxic chemicals leaking into the disc space and outwards, causing inflammation of the area, and can also result in nerves growing into the end plate area, causing nerve inflammation and pain.

Facet joint degeneration and end plate changes = Degenerative Disk Disease which has been mentioned by various hcp then dismissed by others.

Broad based = more than 180 degrees protrusion, or over half. From what I can gather anyway, but only on a quick google.

So, it seems, to me that the surgeon lied or withheld information that I should have been told, disregarded telling me anything that would help me understand what's going on, avoided answering questions even though he had the answer, and IMO was highly deceitful in both his letter and his appointment conversation.

I feel like crying as this does not seem very good to me. I have been in so much pain and he has dismissed me like I have been moaning and in pain for no real reason other than vertebrae shifting about, but that is clearly not true.

Well done on getting through the week, pavlov - yes, you definitely deserve some serious pain relief this weekend.

Slightly stunned by your MRI report - what a shifty, lying bastard your surgeon is. How could he not mention two prolapses & facet degeneration & end plate changes? It doesn't make any sense. Had he just not bothered to read the results properly, do you think, or was he deliberately misleading you? Just can't understand why. Re-prolapse isn't uncommon after surgery, why couldn't he just tell you that (& all the rest) had happened?

On the positive side, no sign of stenosis or mention of scar tissue has got to be good, hasn't it, given that they can be really intractable problems. Which one of the discs was the one operated on before - was it L5/S1? One thing about this report - it shows that it's hardly surprising you've been in such pain for so long. You've got two big prolapses - there will be nerve involvement, & inflammatory changes. I don't get why the arsehole consultant couldn't just be straight about that.

Well, I'm off to bed. Hope everyone has a good night. Things aren't too bad here - still haven't started the pregabalin as a result. Co-codamol & the odd diazepam (on top of diclofenac) seem to be managing the pain ATM at least. But it's still in my left leg too, since the injection.

Pavlov - it doesn't sound good but I presume the consultant hasn't made any plans, or at least provisionally while waiting for the new MRI - I can't understand why it takes so long to report on. Is this consultant the neurosurgeon? I know you are looking for a second opinion at some point and while I can't vouch for the one I mentioned above I know he can see people fairly quickly and it's a private ward which is NHS funded. I can send the details if you think you can get a referral. It's a bit of travel if I think I know roughly where you are, but not horrendously so, along the M4.

I will update you on things so if I do see him I will be able to provide more info. DH is probably going to email him directly today and being a personal contact we might get a response soonish. DH has met him a few times but a few years ago. I just need to know it's worth the change in location, as in is surgery likely and how many appointments are needed.

And yes it flipping hate the Tories and can very much tell the GPs are providing a substandard service now they hold the purse strings. Lying about physio provision and refusing MRIs and now being super shifty about referring anywhere but the local NHS hospital. I hate that we are being lied to about saving the NHS, tell the truth so we can at least protect ourselves with private health insurance which we are lucky we could afford, as can the GPs and MPs.

Pavlov, I'm so sad and upset for you. Neurosurgeons seem to class themselves as a superior breed who can dispense information about ourselves pretty much as they please. I cannot fathom why. My last chap, who was the Good Guy still failed to tell me about the severed nerve. He wrote it in a letter to my GP, so heavily veiled that she missed this vital information, too. Utterly sick making.

At least you know why you have pain and can stop spinning in circles trying to make sense of it. I had a broad based prolapse and was still told it could get better on it's own so you never know. It's weird, though the relief yet sadness that no, it's not good news. I hope you can spend a few days resting and digesting all this. No wonder you are struggling at work and needing the meds. Hats off to you for working, though if you need time off you should take it. No matter what.

I had terrible leg pain yesterday and was seeing lovely physio. She massages me for half an hour and got right in there and said my piriformis had spasmed all round the nerve hence the pain. Fucking hell it hurt as she worked on it but it sorted the pain out. Sadly it's back this morning but I've never really thought of leg pain being caused by spasms.

Lying in bed. No reason to get up. Had a lovely evening at book club, even though I sat too long.nits so nice to be normal sometimes. Chatting and eating and having wine. Nice.

Thanks everyone you always all know how to make me feel better.

loon I have no idea why he didn't tell me this stuff. I did get the impression he had not read my case notes fully, and so was not fully up to speed with what was wrong before, what he had done in surgery and what was happening since. He already told me at last appt that a re prolapse was not uncommon, so I would not have taken it as a slight on his surgical skills if he had said it had happened. he also told me immediately after surgery that he could not get to all the disc prolapse due to not wanting to perform a laminectomy on both sides, so in a way a prolapse was not hugely surprising, but he has forgotten he told me all this and his comments don't joint with the conversations before. I do know in his meeting before Christmas he was hugely annoyed that there was a chance his surgery had failed, really, really cross, so maybe it's a pride thing. I do wonder whether he had in fact simply been out to lunch and had given my MRI a cursory glance over two minutes before he saw me for my last appt. But, my GP can't access my flexion x-ray results which he says is not common, that the surgeon has specifically asked for the results to go straight to him and no report to be written, so he does appear to be a bit secretive in nature.

queen yes please do send me the details of your surgeon, and I will be keen to hear how your meeting goes. I don't mind travelling for the right surgeon. I will gather info about a few. I spoke to my GP about the second opinion referral going back to the local hospital and he said that was an error. Yes it has to go to the multi-disciplinary neuro team in the relevant hospital to look at the scans and discuss what's going on before offering an appt, but that the 'choose and book' system should have been used by the referrer before it got referred to local hospital - they should have contacted me to find out where i want to go. He agrees with Exeter, said they are a lead on spinal surgery although largely for scoliosis type back problems. However he also said he felt it is not unreasonable to consider further afield. I attempted to press him on an unofficial recommendation but he declined . He said I need to call the booking number and get them to sort it, but if have no luck let him know and he will 'kick some backsides' for me.

My GP has always pushed for fusion. He still believes so, but we did not discuss my report in full other than I have an issue with the L5/S1 which is the one that was operated on and he still thinks that needs to be addressed with fusion. I don't know if fusion would be considered now though as there is a bulge higher up, due to the pressure placed on the other discs after fusion. I am starting to sense, this is actually DDD which I was told it was by osteopath at the beginning and there is no fix for that from what I can tell, just management. But, I will get the second opinion anyway and then I can know whatever decisions are made are with the full facts and for the right reasons, not with the wool pulled over my eyes like they have been.

I feel ok today, mentally, legs hurt this morning, but nothing more than they have all week. Took lots of painkillers last night so hoping for some relief today. But it's DH's day off today and he wants to do something nice as we have not spent much time together this week. I just want to lay in bed and sort out my million photos that are not sorted on my computer, and mope. Oh well, life goes on!

Hope you are all having reasonable pain days. And that you might get some sunshine. We have just had rain but i hope it might the end of it for a while!

I got to go get our aerobed which has arrived while we were out yesterday. It was delivered to Bargain Booze for us to collect?! How odd is that?!! 'you can collect your item from Bargain Booze from 4pm on the day of attempted delivery'. It's not like I live next door to it

Oh dear, I got woken up at 4am by a phone call, wrong number sounded foreign so maybe in a country where it wasn't the middle of the night! I had to go get codeine and took ages to get back to sleep so ended up lying in massively, probably drug induced, I hate the amiltriptiline so much I am tempted to stop again. I suspect the sleep quality is less good while taking it so you need more and are always tired.

DH has been entertaining the girls and now taken them to the supermarket. On the way out I asked him about the surgeon, it was a long time ago they met but he said he was really nice, let's hope he still is. Can I send messages directly on here? I assume we can't delete things ourselves on threads so I can't post and delete later. But yes fusion, from bits I've read, would help make things more stable and it sounds like that's exactly what it needs. What a shame these people can't explain things to us properly, as if we are just mere mortals who could never possibly understand.

Matilda- I've spent two years believing I have muscle pain and absolutely not sciatica. It is strange trying to change your perception but I now realise I'm getting both nerve pain and pain from muscle tightness, the tightness caused either by the pain and compensating or by the nerves themselves either way I'm now lobsided. Piriformis syndrome is something that's come up a few times while researching my muscle problems and it can also cause nerve pain down the leg in some people where their nerves run through the muscle. Hopefully the Alexandra technique will help as I'm hoping physio will for me, even if it hasn't so far.

hiya gals, quite quiet on here today- maybe you are all enjoying various saturday stuff, hope so.
msdj sounds like it's going smoothly now for you with the gabapentin , cool, I've been told same upper limit but am sticking with 900 3 times a day, sometimes 1000/1100 if pain is higher. I am also finding I have a bad memory but not sure if it's the gaba, the fact of having chronic pain, a bit of a mood thing that can affect memory also, but sticking with it for now.
Glad your sleep is better, important to get good sleep if you can.
I need more sleep at the mo too- used to function on 5 but now need at least 7 to feel rested. getting older too i suppose.
My aerobic stamina is shot- made myself walk up the floor flights/ stairs in library and it made me really breathless! I would have sprinted up them before.
wow pavlov lots of info in your MRI report, I don't know what it all means but at least you have one part of the picture now- bit weird he is not sharing all the latest info too, dont patients have like rights and stuff? I don't know what they are though- sorry that not helpful at all is it? you've had a well shite week, hope it goes on an up from here, you desrve a break for a bit at least. Have you had any days off since the new team began- you really have done over the expectd considering your pain level and what's going on so dont feel bad if you need to have a dayor 7 off sick- they'll manage for a bit
hiya loon, that's really good your pain is a bit more controlled at the mo- and you are sorted if it gets worse. Did your doc go straight to pregablin? sorry if you've already said, crap memory
off to rock out for a bit on the xbox , post more later

Hi maizie - not so sure about enjoying Saturday stuff: the football is on & I'm failing to find it at all exciting. The xbox sounds more fun!

I had exactly the same experience today of how unfit I've become since this back shit started. Few flights of stairs in carpark & I was out of breath & had heart beating abnormally quickly. I was so, so much fitter a year ago - it's depressing. I've still been walking, but just not quickly enough for it to really count as aerobic exercise.

Yes, GP did go straight to pregablin as a specific nerve pain drug. I have tried amitryptilline but it wasn't actually prescribed for me (naughty) - was for family member who had shingles a couple of years ago. That wiped me out but was prepared to try again & thought the GP would suggest that. I told her that in terms of side-effects I was most concerned about potential weight gain & flushing (have rosacea & am shallow!) - don't know if pregablin is any better than gabapentin in terms of those two?

Hope everyone else is having an okay evening.

queen oh no, you must be shattered! Or, perhaps asleep now I agree about amytriptiline not being a useful sleep, for me at least, I never felt rested on it, it was more like a 'passing out'.

maizie rock out? you playing guitar hero or something? sounds like fun whatever you are doing.

matilda interesting about the piriformis muscle causing some problems, I am always amazed that so many other areas of pain stem from the problems in the lumbar spine, due to how we change how we walk, stand etc. Apparantly tight hamstrings can be a problem with people with back pain too and that can mimic problems with other parts of the body. I hope the returning pain has eased a little today as the day has worn on.

loon DH has the footie on too, but it's been suspended due to a thunder storm or something, and so now it's even duller than usual as they are just waffling along. DH is pretending to be interested but using as an opportunity to play some game on the iPad.

it's rockband, we have done guitar hero too in the past. The drum kit had real dust on it to blow off! but it seems i can still do it, bit rusty but it came back back to me a bit, it's a laugh. my dh does the guitar bit, quite meditative for me but back aching a bit now . need a better stool. I have a pic of me playing when i was 9 months gone with dd- had to do only 1 song at a time!
I was worried the gabapentin is responsible for a bit of weight gin but it's very possible just because I am much more inactive ( or should that be less active?) and have been eating wheat that bloats me out very badly.
was in the library earlier so had a look at the "psychology" bit- hah! just diet books, self help tomes and total crap basically with only "health psychology" really, oh well.
hope the footie went well for you- I dont do footie and seem to be lucky enough to be married to the only bloke who is similarly minded. He does actually like it- but cannot stand the "tension". I watch world cup sometimes, i would go to a live match if asked but otherwise cba.
what is the piriformis and how do you know if it's involved?
oh pav just re-read and i see you find it a bit dull too, footie that is
got some shopping earlier and carried a bit too much- felt a bit shit by the time i got home, crampy muscle feeling about halfway up on one side. after getting sorted had a lie down, bit better but i think just masked by meds and as they wear off it's getting more uncomfortable. nothing major though.
Off to take dd and ds to in the night garden live tomorrow, yay! quite looking forward to it, my sister is tagging along. at the o2. First time for dd- she's gonna go MENTAL! haha
Thn on monday dh and kids going away until thursday, relax time!
unmumsnetty hugs to everyone ((((((((((())))))))))))
queen having slept on it how are you feeling about your decision? when do you have to decide by really?
I have physion appt on tues at 8am! bit early but next one is 2/july, so ill keep it, guess after i will be up for the day, do some painting and mooching around the house etc, I can have a nap any time of day anyway- it's for a diff physio called "triage physio and specialist" it's to look at back side of things because the other physio said they cannot look at back only hip !! nhs bs you know. but we are all connected argh!
still awaiting MRI results on 20, tiny bit worried but expect they will show nothing anyway as my symptoms are quite minor compared to most on here.

I am bored. Totally and utterly bored. I have been signed off work since last year. So I have nothing to do. The days roll into weeks. I do nothing except a little housework here and there. I need something to do but I can't do much. I can't walk very far. I can't sit for very long. I can't drive very far else the pain kicks in, I have to take morphine and then I am no good to anyone. Any ideas? Please don't say Internet shopping. My bank balance is not very happy already!

We wrote an email asking the surgeon how likely surgery was and if was likely then we will push to be referred to him. If is not likely we said we will stick to the local one as we have small people not yet in school so it's harder to sort out for just one app where he says No! I gave a bit extra info for DH to include like how long it's been and we've tried physio and these drugs but don't want injections - I presume the injections would be done by the pain clinic anyway and it was the pain anaesthetist spinal specialist guy who requested the surgeon app. Will update when I hear back via DH. DH is not happy with me as I'm sore in bed. Went to church which was nice, feel a bit better about the social stuff and was more chatty, but the sermon was about miracle healing and I'm not convinced, I'm putting more energy into finding the right route to healing and making sure they understand/I get the message across right. I felt like a prayer was answered after seeing the pain dr but since I feel a bit lost having to wait so long.

Then we went out shopping, DD1 needs summer stuff but threw a huge tantrum and due to parking being difficult it was a lot of walking. I was very sore and slow on the way back to the car. Bought DD1 two dresses, two pairs of shorts and two vest tops. Also a pack of socks and PJs for Xmas maybe - My little pony stuff. Could do with some sandals too. Nothing for me due to tantrum :(

MSDJ - it's really tough finding stuff you can do, I struggle but also struggle with time having small people under my feet. I'm told the gym is safe if I stick to certain things like cycling and the cross trainer, plus swimming if you have a gym and pool nearby, pool exercising is even better. A project you can dip in and out of - like my doll's house I'm painting for the kids. Small bits and little and often because you need to keep changing position, anything you can break down like a small course, craft of some sort, photography.

There is a pool a few miles away. I can't swim
Too well. I did try swimming a few months ago and it was very difficult but could try again

I don't have small dcs. Mine are all over six foot now lol but still need constant attention one way or another

I am not a craft sort of oerson. I really don't know what I am or what I could do. Keep looking at college courses but nothing grabs me

I really empathise about the doing nothing thing. But for now, maybe for a long time it's Project Matilda. I potter in the house, walk a bit with dog and friends, meet for coffee, gentle Pilates ( if you can find a small rehab class that's great). I help with the elderly in laws as much as I can, spend way too much time on here and rest, rest, rest.

I read but not as much as before. Could you set yourself a reading list or join a reading group? I love mine. I do swim regularly but was always a swimmer. In fact there are lots of exercises you can do in the water without any swimming. Just walking backwards and forwards is excellent exercise in the water. If you go regularly you will get chatting to the regulars. Gentle aqurobics might even be possible at some stage.

I've got really into my garden and plan and but stuff then instruct others on the planning and work!

So I keep busy. Nothing Very useful but never mind for now. One day I might just find something that feels worthwhile. I also put a lot of effort into keeping on touch and meeting with friends. Sometimes too much even but I do put the work in there. And I have time to listen to other people's problems and be there for them.

I'm sure you've worked hard all your life and raised a great brood of a family, too so you have contributed massively.

In terms of earning, well, tricky. I can only think of one job that involves a lot of lying in bed stuffed full of drugs and frankly I don't fancy it!

matilda

I tried knitting to increase my 'doing things' as I can't do any of my active stuff any more. I tried, I made a scarf for DS's dolly and that's as far as I got. I know it's all the rage at the moment, knitting and being creative, but it's just so boring. for me that is, not slighting those who can get into the 'zone' and make amazing things, I would love to be able to enjoy it.

I have a nice camera. I bought it for my birthday present last year, using this as partly to learn a new hobby and partly as my justification for walking a million miles slower than others when I go for a walk, or for having to stop completely. I got so fed up with walking on my own, lagging behind, or just not going at all. and this way I have a reason for stopping or lagging behind. It also gives me something to do in the evenings as I can sort them out onto the computer, and edit etc, but, due to being so so tired by the time the children are in bed I have not done so much of that part but that's my plan. I have photos of lots of my friend's children and want to put them all onto disc for them as some of them are beautiful photos. Since having a reason to amble really slowly, I enjoy stopping to look, which I didn't do so much on walks, get to see slowworms and tiny budding flowers, different flowers, views of the countryside. I also quite like taking photos of bad grammar spelling mistakes on professional signs

I am home early from work my muscles are locked up to my upper back, I can't stand straight, and I am getting intermittent numbness in my right foot, mostly when driving but if I sit too long. Also getting a numb bottom if I sit for more than 10 mins and fuzzing in both legs. And as well as numbness, so so much pain in my back and butt area when I walk. My boss was not in the office, it was the 'other's boss (two within the team, one my line manager, but both 'our' managers) who I spoke to and she was keen for me to go home and rest so I can get back on track for the rest of the week. I don't really think I should be in this week if I am honest, but, really, I got to be in, and I am going to be in pain wherever I am. If I cannot work in pain, I will lose my job, that's been made quite clear (not personally aimed at me, but a conversation in team meeting about how our HR is centralised now, so the 'personal' interpretation of sickness management has gone and the human element will not be there. My HR manager followed sickness policy but she used the flexibility within that to support me back to work, she could probably have interpreted it to retire me but she had the human element within it. That's now gone and I am a statistic.

I'm a mess pain wise, not drug wise but, possibly drug wise once they kick in soon ooh lots of emoticons

I have hurt so much today I cannot bear it. I have snapped at the children, who have tbh been a nightmare, arguing, DS in particular has developed a bit of a mean streak, don't know where it comes from as DD is not mean naturally, and they have fought like cat and dog and he is not behaving very well, and trashed the hallway which I was trying to clear (sitting on the floor organising the shoe box) and gather some bits ready for camping (from things stuffed in the shoe box that are not shoes mainly ), he did it in anger and I actually sat there and cried. Luckily I don't think he saw, but I could not get up to fix the mess (he swiped some clothes that were drying on the banisters that can't go in the tumble drier into a big heap on the floor, among the shoes I was organising). it just made me realise I can't cope with it all, and that is Not A Good Sign. As it means my pain levels are too high, my stress is too high, I hurt too much and I feel agitated again that this is not being fixed. My zen is over. Ok I don't feel quite so unzen as I have in the past, but had some tears today, this morning before work, this afternoon when I got home, this evening when DS ruined the hallway in anger, which I have not had for a little while.

And typically it's DH's birthday this week. Two years ago, after a reasonable run, pain and sciatica but manageable, the day before his birthday my back went so badly I could not walk, at all. I was in bed flat in tears while he cancelled his birthday meal and invited people over to ours (i agreed) and my friend came over and helped tidy and organise the party and my friends came into the bedroom to 'visit' me like I was an old convalescing woman. It was horrible. This time last year, my back went again the day before we went on holiday for his 40th, and I spent the week on crutches. had a fabulous time but it was awful pain wise (had surgery 10 days later!). So, typical that it's like this again for his birthday

Oh. Here is a surprise. It's a Monday. DH is out, as he always does on a Monday. And, as usual, I have just heard a jingling of a Nighttime Bear. I've just said 'Go To Bed' and heard a little voice 'but I can't sleep!' Every Single Fucking Monday. I don't like her going to back bed without being tucked in (soft? possibly, and she knows it) and I can't get out of bed again to tuck her in so she has to stay here.