Defeated, deflated and denial

[Noshowofmojo]

Please can I have some advice? I've been on ADs for a long time now and they've worked to a degree, however just lately I feel detached from life. I'm hugely overweight, like double the size I should be, I have a loving, helpful dh and two young children.

I am tired all the time and love to sleep, always have done. I like to sleep even when I'm not tired as my dreams are so interesting. I like to sleep during the day sometimes for escapism, although most of the time i do feel genuinely shattered.

I have avoid the news as much as possible however recent events have filtered through and affected me deeply...the lost plane, the Korean ferry disaster and now the kidnapped Nigerian girls. Coupled with a lot of youngish people either fighting cancer or dying, it has brought back the motto my family brought me up on "Life is shit and then you die".

I have loads and loads of acquaintances but very few real friends. I can't talk to anyone and it has taken me a couple of months to get the courage to write here. Now I'm rambling. I have a lot of anger about my childhood and have thought about joining Stately Homes threads but I feel guilty about betrayal.

Now I have lost the thread of my thread...typical, but I'm not going to chicken out, I'm going to send!

Sorry you feel so low and defeated. You are very insightful and an articulate writer. I guess you've had tests to check for physical problems?

Is there any one particular thing that you would like to change or work on?

Are you getting any other help, rather than just ADs? It sounds like you have some things that it would help you to talk through with someone in RL.

Thank you for your replies. I would like to change my weight and become more organised. I have had counselling in the past but I never seem to reach a conclusion. I have a lot of resentment about my past and have been through the "you're parents did the best they could with the skills they had at the time" but I can't find forgiveness. It was only ever emotional abuse but it has shaped my life forever, and as I still see my Mum very regularly as I'm an only child (and a mistake) it goes on - she just irritates me.

I spoke to a childhood friend today that I haven't seen in 23 years and she said she remembers my mum as being sarcastic and how scary my dad was (I said you should have seen him when he used to have his hands around my mum's throat!)

I think you are complete under estimating the effect that your troubled childhood has on your adult life - you said "it was only ever emotional abuse" - only emotional abuse - that is just as bad as physical abuse. You also witnessed domestic violence and this has an incredibly adverse effect on children. Childhood traumas (such as yours) follow us into our adult life to a greater or lesser extent.

Happily you have a loving husband and children and I'd like to bet you are a good mother to your children, and not repeating the sort of childhood you endured.

Your weight may be the reason you are always tired - have you been to the GP about this, or do you think he/she will just blame your weight. You don't sound like you are too bothered about being tired as you like sleeping but presumably it would be better if you did feel more "alive" so to speak. You say you are feeling "detached from life" lately and I wonder if you are in fact becoming more depressed, or is this because you don't take a very active part in life.

Do you want to do anything your weight? I don't really get the impression that you do but I may be wrong. I'm sure you know that unless you are motivated to lose weight there isn't really any use in worrying about it. However for your health's sake I think you should give consideration to losing weight - and as you know there's no secret - it's simply "eat less, move more" although clubs like WW and SW are very good if you can pluck up the courage to go there in the first place.

Do you have to go on seeing your mother - what would happen if you decided not to see her, or see her far less often?

Also I think you need to find a more empathetic counsellor than you had before. Look on BCAP (British Assoc of Counsellors and Therapists) as they are all registered to their national organisation. You do need to be able to talk about your past, without feeling you are betraying your parents. They don't need to know about any help you are having.