Damaged skin after cryotherapy

[Worriedandlonely]

I'm a long time lurker and have been wanting to post for a few weeks now but been a little nervous.

I was diagnosed with genital warts a few weeks ago. I feel so ashamed and tainted even though I know it's very common. I have become very depressed about it. I was trying to cope as best as possible and felt that I had started to turn a corner. The wart was tucked away around my bum so I took some comfort in that it wasn't visible. I could see myself moving on and being okay. Anyway it's now transpired that I have been treated in the wrong area because one of the nurses didn't read my notes. I did feel a burning on my vulva during the treatment (cryotherapy) but I thought this was normal and I didn't know any permanent damage could occur. I am now left with permanent depigmentation on the bottom of my vulva. My skin is dark and so the damage is very obvious (it's pink now). I wasn't told of this potential side effect prior to treatment. I have had two doctors tell me that it is permanent damage. The clinic have apologised and are referring me to a dermatologist.

I just feel so let down by the care I had. I have always taken care of my skin and trusted the professionals to look after me. I am not in a relationship and have no children and I wanted to start a family soon. I'm 33. I feel very upset as I have a permanent visual reminder of the disease and so will any partner. It was already hard enough having to think about how to tell a new partner without having the obvious damage.

I am also in counselling for past childhood and relationship traumas, I started a couple of months ago. The wart diagnoses has really de railed that. Everything just feels like is colliding together at the moment and I feel so lonely and hopeless. I was already worried I was running out of time to have a family and that's why I started the counselling. Now I feel like I have no chance.

Sorry if this is the wrong place I wasn't sure where to post. I suppose wanted some advice on whether anyone else has had this sort of depigmentation down there after freezing spray and if it ever got better. But actually writing this I think I need a bit of a hand hold as well :(

You poor love, you're clearly pretty down about lots of things. I don't want to sound dismissive, because your current distress is real. However, I do want you to consider that when you are feeling more robust, this might just not seem a big deal to you... Certainly not as big a deal as it does now.

Genital warts are really common. Really, really common. Your lifetime risk of infection is greater than 50%!!! But not everybody who gets the infection actually gets the warts. I did, and it was fucking depressing at the time, and I found the treatment pretty painful, and I've since had to have treatment for abnormal cells found during a routine smear test. But you know, these days I very rarely think about it, except maybe when I have to book myself in for another smear test, or when I read something in the news about HPV vaccines. And I'm in a great relationship with an intelligent man who knows that I've had sex with other people before I met him, just as he has... And why not? And he realises that chances are, he might just as easily have been infected with the virus. And we both know that it's not something to be ashamed of... It's just bad luck. And if you, or I, look a bit different around the undercarriage since our treatment, it really doesn't matter, because everybody's looks unique anyway.

Stick with the counselling. Tell your counsellor about how this is contributing to your mood, and start to try to put it in perspective. And if you have daughters, make sure they get vaccinated good and early.

Sandthorn thank you so much for your post and sharing your experience. I am really grateful. I was so worried about posting and possibly outing myself but I am glad I have.

I am really hoping that one day it will be a distant memory as you say. I have been given sleeping pills by the doctor and he has said that he will sign me off for a few days if I need it. I do really want to get to that place where it suddenly falls into perspective and I'm really hoping it will. And that I'll meet someone! But not yet as I do have a lot to work through first and I'm not feeling the most attractive anyway.

I will stick with the counselling. My counsellor had said that the experience has retraumatised me as the damage is in the place where my childhood trauma occurred. I think there is something in that. So I shall keep going and see how it goes.

Thanks again for posting.

You sound like you're on a mission to put a lot of things to rest - I don't doubt that you'll get there Sounds like you've had some bad stuff happen, and of course that shapes your life to an extent... The good news is that you have a choice about how it shapes your life. Just keep going.

I am on a bit of a mission I suppose! It's just that some days it feels like there's a mountain ahead of me and it's disheartening and that's when I get a bit down.

There's a lot in my life to come to terms in with already so this wart thing just feels really unfair (even though I know that's unreasonable). Then the fact that I've got this other damage because of a mistake that was made. It just feel like it's more than my fair share of bad luck and that does make me a bit angry/upset. A dark corner of me feels like I'm getting what I deserve but I know that's not right, and that's the kind of stuff I need to work through.

You are absolutely right that I have a choice about my future now. That is quite a scary prospect, it's like handing responsibility over to me, rather than my past if that makes any sense.

Thanks Sandthorn your messages are very reassuring and are helping me a great deal.