Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

General health

Mumsnet doesn't verify the qualifications of users. If you have medical concerns, please consult a healthcare professional.

Teen daughter and ex husbands Alzheimer's

6 replies

Dooohhh · 09/04/2014 18:15

Hi all. This may be long, sorry! But please read if you think you could help! Not sure where to post so will post in general health too.
My ex husband had a stroke on 2-3- of 2012. Since then he has been going downhill, as expected. I have a 16 year old son and a 13 year old very mature daughter, the son treats his father with no love, to the point where if it was me, it would break my heart. My daughter however, loves her dad and is an amazing girl who always helps him when she stays with him. We live in London and he lives in Gloucester so it's quite a trek and they see him rarely. They had not been up since Christmas until now. Since then he has gone downhill very quickly, to the point where in the 4 days they were there, he hasn't remembered my daughters name once. His other daughter (different mother) and her kids visited them all for the day whilst they were there. She talked to my son about it and she agrees. She apparently said quietly to him that their father was going like his mother, who developed Alzheimer's and died within about two months.

My son is being awful to him still, but I'm asking more about my daughter. She is very close to him and heard her half sister say it to my son. I know there are teen mental health charities out there, but does anyone know of anywhere my daughter can get some support/advice?

Very long so thank you if you read to the end! Feel free to direct message me. Thank you so much if you can help

OP posts:
fusspot66 · 09/04/2014 18:22

So sorry for your children. Not specific to an area but there are young carers support groups nationally which may be a useful resource.
Longer term it may be wise for your DC's to protect their vascular health ie no smoking, minimal drinking, early cholesterol checks etc but that's for another day.

Dooohhh · 09/04/2014 18:38

Thanks for the quick response. Are there any online forums or help pages anyone knows of?

OP posts:
fusspot66 · 09/04/2014 18:40

The Alzheimers Society itself?
I'm also keeping your thread bumped with my lame responses

Dooohhh · 09/04/2014 18:45

Looked there but it's all for carers, plus she's read the whole website about 30 times with worry. Looking for more teen based specifically. Thank you, fuss

OP posts:
shouldnthavesaid · 09/04/2014 18:58

With regards to online support for young carers, it's quite lacking unfortunately. There were forums set up I think at some stage but I'm fairly sure they're very quiet.

Again, there's a website but it does lack a bit. The forum's attached to the website, I can't link on here but it's youngcarers.net.

She might be better off looking into more general chat for young people, I'm thinking something like The Student Room. There's certainly other young people on there who take on a caring role within the family.

If she's a Facebook user she might find something on there too, there's bound to be a page of sorts. Some are better than others.

You could also check with your local authority - most if not all will have something. Some groups are very active, some not so. Some will offer group activities - in my experience, we had a larger programme for non term time, but some city based groups will meet in evenings and weekends. She might find she can get some 1-1 support which can be very helpful indeed.

It's worth talking to your ex's family if at all possible. You need a clear idea of what's going on in order to best support your children. If he's in a care home or community hospital, etc, there might well be all sorts of support available through them, even though she's some distance away.

It's also a good idea to encourage her to let her school know, like you if they're clear on what's going on they're in the best possible position to support her fully through this.

Don't forget as well that there's a plethora of organisations and individuals who will be able to offering formal or informal counselling. This includes churches, youth organisations, charities, helplines, proper 1-1 or group counselling sessions.. Your GP or school nursing team should know more.

I'm torn as to whether there's other stuff out there. I have always wanted to write a book as there's just nothing. I've read a couple of Jacqueline Wilsons (Illustrated Mum is good) and one regarding an older (early-mid twenties) woman who was dealing with the challenges of a disabled sister and unwell mum (Look the World in the Eye - But Don't Stare, it's a
Rude).. But there's not much at all. There's stuff directed at Alzheimer's of course but I feel it's either going to be targeted at very young children or adults, and neither are probably very appropriate.

All my love to your daughter (and your son, who will be facing different but very difficult challenges, and not forgetting you either) x

(I'm happy to yap with either via here if you /she wishes at any time - I am a carer to my mum and sister, watched my gt gran suffer vascular dementia and now watching my gran decline slowly with Alzheimer's. Also have big problems with my dad. So can empathise to some extent).

Dooohhh · 09/04/2014 19:07

I'm very sorry about your family. You must be very strong. Thank you for all the advice and suggestions.
Sadly, she is the type of mature, independent young woman who becomes a bit of a recluse after hurt (which she has experienced a lot of as the only family she has left is my son, myself, and her dad). But I think I'll ring school once she goes back. I shall tell her to have a look at those websites and enquire around.
Thank you very much!

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread