misdee, asking you for help

[Blandmum]

I feel like a real turd asking you this.

But how do you cope? On a day to day basis how do you cope and stay so strong.

dh is a bit ill and I find myself falling to pieces, thinking it must be linked to the leukemia (even though his gp says it is just one of those things)

Where do you find the strenth? how do you do it? The worry is just wearing me down all the time, to the point where I am wasting the good time sthat we can have.

I feel like every kind of shit for asking you for help, but how the hell do you cope?

in all honesty, i dont have a friggin clue how i am coping. I have told everyone that once this is over i am going out and getting totally smashed. I cling onto the small glimmer of hope that organ transplant has given us.

Day to day, well, its a case of, its not gonna go away if i scream and strop about it. i do have my bad days, and i found monday really hard for some reason.

i do have a great support network of family and friends, who i can call on at any time of day. that does help.

but generally, i really dont know.

you will be ok mb, you are just having a few bad days. i dont know if you remember the pre-harefield posts, when peter was getting worse and they kept saying it pneaumonia, those were the worst times really, as i knew it wasnt pneumonia, and was heart failure.

just re-read what i posted and it sounds a bit agressive, sorry

hope you are feeling better today and that dh is feeling better as well.

he is feeling better, and I am being a bit more rational. I just find it hard to play this wating game. I know that it in the end he will just get iller and iller before he has any treatment. It is like some ghastly game of waiting for the other shoe to fall.

hay ho, better get the kids out before they wreck the house even more

sounds liek a similar situation to what we were in 4 years ago when peter was stable. every 6-12months was a check-up and an echo, then wait and see. they expected him to last 5-10years stable, we only got 2.5years in the end.