severe dental phobia

[marmitemonkey]

I'm in tears writing this. I'm sat upstairs in floods my dp and I were discussing ds' teeth - ds is 16mo and dh has registered him with his dentist (I asked him too as I haven't been for years). Dp asked which dentist I went to and I had to fess up that I don't have one. Dp said I needed to sort it out.

I am filled with absolute dread, I can't look at dental surgeries when I walk/drive by. The thought of picking up the phone to make an appointment well I don't think I could, let alone walk through the door.

My dm has hated dentists all her life and all I have is memories of going when I was little and my dm being so anxious and snappy. I also had the fear if god put in to me that if anything was wrong with my teeth I was to blame as I hadn't brushed them well enough. My dm has had lots of problems with her teeth and I understand where she was coming from that she wanted me to have nice teeth but now I'm left with what I can only describe as a severe phobia. I can still smell the room and the chair its all so vivid its like a nightmare. I have a great relationship with my dm but I don't think I could talk to her about it. My dp finding out this evening us the first time I've ever really talked about it. Now I've opened the floodgates I thought here would be a good place to let out all the emotion as I've found support here for other things.

I really don't want my ds to be affected by this so I guess I need to do something but I don't even know where to start. I guess this is the first time I've admitted its a problem - avoidance is a great thing. I'm physically shaking just writing this and thinking about it . I feel so stupid and daft but can't stop the massive surge of feeling and fear of complete and utter dread.

sorry for the ramblings would appreciate if anyone has any useful advice or has overcome this level of fear.

I'm afraid I'm no help but a comforting 'you're not alone'. I'm the exact same. I actually now need work done on a problem tooth and I just keep bearing it, just to avoid the terror. It's awful being a grown adult and feeling this bloody terrified over something I know I'm being irrational about. Hopefully someone will post something a bit more useful than mine but you're not alone!

Hey marmite

I know how you feel, I was exactly the same. I was so scared that I would cry at the dentist during check ups and would also start to feel nervous if I walked past a dental surgery or if someone even mentioned dentists! One dentist said that I was so severely phobic that he couldn't examine me and I had to leave.

I haven't actually had any bad dental experiences so I don't know where it came from. Like you I also felt guilty, thinking that if there was something wrong with my teeth then it would be my own fault, because that was the message my parents gave me.

A lot of dental phobics will recommend tranquillisers and sedatives. For me they were little use - diazepam does nothing for me.

For me the only thing that worked was Just Doing It. I can now go to the dentist, have had a root canal and a crown and now only feel a little nervous to start off with, but basically can have anything done.

My advice is:

1. Find a good dentist who can deal with nervous patients. Best way is through word of mouth. Mine is really great and I trust him. He will work in whatever way I feel most comfortable, taking breaks, giving more anaesthesia, whatever. Recently I had a crown fitted on my root-canalled tooth and he said we wouldn't need anaesthesia as there was no root therefore it literally COULD NOT hurt. I got nervous about this and asked if I could have the injection anyway. He just said 'sure' and gave me the injection. That's what you want, not some arrogant dentist who acts like you're wasting their time (which some unfortunately do). Remember that you are paying for their service (assuming not NHS) and you call the shots. If they are a dick you can go to another dentist.

1. Start small - have a check-up first. There is no way anything can go wrong with that. If you need a little work doing, then that will be the next step. You will shit yourself first time but don't worry, just try to get through it and you will feel great once you're out the other side!

1. Don't use sedatives or tranquillisers. This is controversial as a lot of phobics rely on them, as I said. But I found that once I managed to have something done without them it built my confidence for the next time.

1. Forget the traditional scary image of dental treatment. I had a root canal, and when I tell people that they wince, but it did NOT HURT at all and lots of people find this. Dental treatment has advanced a lot recently.

1. Forget guilt about needing a filling or whatever. Hardly anyone has perfect teeth and getting dental work done is like replastering your house or repairing your call.

1. The anticipation and build up of going is way worse than actually getting it done.

Wow, this is long. Hope it helped a bit. If you are in the south-west I can recommend you my dentist, he is brill.

This could have been written by me last year. It's awful isn't it! I went to see my GP who referred me to a talk therapy place. I had 6 sessions with a counselor and managed to go for a check up (GP also gave me diazapam to take just prior to the appointment). The dentist was lovely and really understanding of my phobia which helped so much. I've had two treatment sessions since then and each one has been easier that i ever imagined. Go and have a chat with your GP, they can really help.

Brilliant advice above, esp re finding a personally recommended dentist who will be calm and supportive, and starting with a check up. If you need any treatment later, and you decide to book to have it done, I found that wearing an iPod and playing music throughout was really helpful. And I also agree that things genuinely don't hurt anything like I remember from childhood - and I had a root canal last year too, so I can back up that comment.
Don't beat yourself up for how you feel, it's really hard to overcome such strong feelings, but you can do it if you just take it slowly.

Thank you so much everyone. All your comments are a great starting point. I think I'm going to have trouble walking through the door in to the surgery so that is my first step. Even just contacting someone seems like a huge undertaking but I'm determined to try and move forward for my ds.

Danny thank you I am actually in the southwest so would really appreciate your recommendation.

Hi marmite - I have PM'd you his details. Will happily do the same for anyone else looking for a good dentist.

Good luck, one step at a time. Now my main problem with having dental work done is the boredom! Lying in a chair for an hour gets tedious...

There are dentists (including nhs ones) who specialise in phobia - DH uses one. They are brilliant. If you are in the NE PM me for the details. He's managed root canal work, major scale and polish and fillings with them. They use conscious sedation for big stuff, but are good from the moment you phone them.

What's the fear? The worst case scenario? Do you think you'll die, or choke? Finding out worst case scenario helps you tackle the fear.

Well done for posting! You're already on the road to recovery.

I'm a recovering (recovered?) phobic too, and also the child of dentist-phobics so I know how it can start.

About 10 years ago, I had to have some work done on a tooth, so I found a dentist who specialised in terrified patients and had the work done under every kind of sedation possible. Which was fine in that it got the job done, but didn't really help the phobia & nearly bankrupted me.

Fast forward to pregnancy 3 years ago and I took a course of hypnotherapy to help me over a related phobia (needles & stuff). That worked, but I felt no need to visit a dentist.

Then a few weeks ago I decided I needed to register my son with a dentist & I was also concerned that I needed more work. Found a v local NHS place (so I knew the max I'd have to pay) who took us both on. I went first and discovered that I was only having pain due to brushing too hard - a common problem with dentist phobics (if I brush really well I won't need to go!) so was prescribed a soft brush. But, the thing is, dentists have really changed lately. They are kind and understanding. They don't poke you with sharp things anymore and they don't tell you off for not seeing them for decades! Brilliant!

And when my son had his first 'count your teeth & collect a sticker' appointment, we were both relaxed & happy.

You're over the worst now.

I'm like you OP. I have diagnosed Iatrophobia, a fear of health care workers, health environments (hospitals, surgeries) and anything related.

Which is a bit ironic given I'm married to a GP!

I've not been to the dentist in 9 years (since we moved away from the one I'd finally come to trust). I have taken the dc but stayed in the waiting room. Dh does dd2's orthodontic appts!

Dc all have fab teeth, but that's probably because I'm a bit fanatical about brushing due to my phobia!

Great non-profit website for dental phobics: www.dentalfearcentral.org

Ukatlast - thanks for the site I have found it really useful.

Bigpaws - I can't even begin to form a worst case scenario as I get so distressed about the thought of going that my thinking kind of stops and I can't rationalise anything. I'm usually such a rational person.

I''ve made a step forward today and have referred myself for psychological support (it has taken all day to fill out the referral and be brave enough to send it)- I don't think I am going to be able to tackle the dentist bit until I can sort out some of these thoughts and feelings I have.

I was also dentist phobic, and hadn't been for almost 20 years - until last week! I have had a problem with a molar, which is being squeezed out by my wisdom tooth, for a couple of years now and last week a huge part of the tooth and old filling broke off - it didn't hurt but I knew I just had to get it sorted, so made an appt for last wednesday, went and told him I wanted it taken out - and he did! Amazingly my teeth are in pretty good shape, maybe a small filling needed, and I actually feel fine about going back to get it done. My situation is further complicated by mobility issues which mean it is extremely difficult and painful for me to get in and out of the chair, but he was very patient and we got there in the end. And I didn't even feel the anaesthetic injections as he was so gentle with the needle

Have my initial appointment with a psychologist tomorrow am scared about how on earth I am going to tackle this phobia.