Grade 4 tear recovery

[Aveiro13]

I'm hoping someone has some advice as I am feeling so low at the moment and don't know who to talk to. I gave birth to my little boy 5 weeks ago today. It was a water birth with no pain relief and I felt like everything went really well. When the midwife checked me over, it turned out I had a grade 4 tear so ended up in theatre. He came out back to back and too quickly, in one push, which ripped through my anal sphincter.

I am so worried about being left incontinent forever. At the moment it just feels so numb down there, I'm finding it really hard to hold in gas and when I need to go, it's really urgent. Other times it feels like I need to go but then I don't. There isn't that much advice about grade 4 tears online so I'm really hoping to hear from other people that have experienced this. Do my feelings at the moment make it probable that I will have FI or is it normal this early on in the healing process?
I am only 28 years old and had a really healthy, active pregnancy. It just feels so unfair to have had this happen and it has made it hard to bond with my gorgeous little boy because I just want to be normal again.

Please help if you can, I feel so lonely and scared by all this.

So sorry you are having such a hard time at the moment. I don't have any experience of this but I know there is a long running thread with support for post birth injuries, let me find it and link it for you.....

this might help point you in the right direction .

Hi aveiro,

Sorry you are going through this, it sounds really difficult. As well as the thread that meglet pointed you towards you might also want to take a look at the "raggedy bits" thread which is also on the general health board and has several ladies on it with similar experience.

Hi Aveiro. I had a third degree tear 6 years ago. I felt like you but I healed well and have no problems. There are lots of people on here who have been through similar things but please make sure you get real life support. You will have a 6 week check up with your GP so make sure he / she knows how your are physically and I how you are feeling about it. The health visitor too.

I had a grade 3 tear when my son was born 4 months ago. I found it really difficult to begin with. I went to the doctor when my son was around 5 weeks old because I was so uncomfortable and she said "oh it's not that bad" and prescribed some cream but told me I would have to go back to collect the prescription. I was in so much pain I couldn't walk very far so I never went back for it.
It gradually got better. I'm still having a few problems with my bowels but it's more that I can't finish rather than incontinence.
When you have your 6 week check you should mention everything. Write down all your symptoms so you don't forget anything.
It does get better, but it's a slow process. Part of me wishes I'd had a cesaerean as a friend who did didn't seem to be in as much discomfort as me but whatever.
I think we got the worst of both worlds but it will get better. And you will bond with your son. You just have to give yourself time to feel better. :-)

Thank you for your replies. Lauren6283, it's reassuring to hear that maybe what I'm feeling is normal after 5 weeks. It all just feels so strange down there and I don't think the worry helps! Did you get referred for physio after your tear? X

Hi aveiro13, I'm wondering how you are doing with your healing process. How is your continence. I was originally told I had a 2degree tear, and come to find out when I couldnt control wind, I was told it might have actually been amissed 3rd degree. I;m waiting for more tests to be done, But i am right here with you, the feeling is horrible. However, in your case i'm assuming you have been stitched. I am walking around with an unstitched 3rd degree... Let me know how you are doing if you find this again!

Hi CSRHP,

Sorry I have only just seen this message. I can't belie they missed your tear, what hospital was it? So sorry you are having such a rotten time at the moment. I'm 13 weeks post tear now and things are up and down but there are improvements, even if on my bad days I don't feel like there are! Are you still having issues with wind or incontinence?
I started physio on 18th march and that has really helped. Before starting physio I could only hold wind in if I was sitting down. Now I can always hold it when sitting or laying down. I have issues with urgency at the moment and at my second appointment on 8th April, the physio told me that when I need to go, I need to try and hold on for as long as possible as that will help with the urgency. Since the 8th, I've had 18 days where I have managed at least 15 minutes but I've had 4 bad days where I have only managed 10 minutes or less. I'm trying to keep it in perspective tho, the fact that I'm seeing such good results already seems fairly positive. How are you finding those issues? It's a long and lonely road at times isn't it? xx

Hi aveiro,
Well yesturday I was confirmed that I really had a missed 3c tear. I cant believe it. Currently I cant really hold gas maybe 40% thats it. I can hold stool and defere to another time, but eventually I may be some seeping if I want too long. I can hold my stool for 8hours but eventually I just cant hold it and need to go. I also take forever to wipe and feel like I have to rewipe for a few hours after. Initially I did have serious urgency and maybe 30 secs warning but that got better. Now to get by I take 1 table spoon of citracel every other morning and take beano to help prevent gas. I'm 29 to close in age to you. I live In Massachusetts I the usa. Keep me updated!