Friends mother has breast cancer.Any advice.

[charlize]

I found out last week that my best friends mother has breast cancer. She is only 48 and has just been in to have the whole of one breast removed. Apparently she had two tomours in it.

After an anxious wait for the results, yesterday she found out that after removing 7 lymth nodes 5 of them were affected.
She now needs 6 mths of chemo then radio. Does anyone have any experience of this?
What is the likely prognosis? My friend is as expected very upset and not very clued up about the subject and wants to know more.
She is afraid to search the net as more often than not the story pictured is very bleak,

Ok this is not what you want to hear but here goes
My mum was diagnised 12 years ago aged 48. Had her breast removed nothing in lymph nodes - no further treatment. She died two years later with secondary cancer in liver and bones. So - what did I learn:

1. Try, no, just go and make sure she's treated at a teaching hospital - centre of excellence(Royal Marsden in good - if not they can recommend) They have the most up to date treatments. (my mum was in a crappy local hospital - useless.
2. It is GOOD that she is having chemo and radio I know that sounds odd but they know now that by giving a double dose they have the BEST POSSIBLE CHANCE of getting rid of any rogue cancer cells.
3. Become an expert and a pest. Ask questions, if you're at all worried get second opinions. Tell her not to be afraid to be a hypochondriac - too many women of that generation are too brave and don't say of something hurts! 4.Ask for - and makes sure you get - the best drugs available to counteract any side effects of the chemo/radio. Some alternative therapies might also help (even if they don't doing something to take control, like visualisation/yoga can help)
4. Look out for pain in bones, swollen abdomen/nausea lack of appetite or stomach pain and brain disfunction. the three most likely places for bc to go are bones, liver and brain. noone told us that and if we'd known mum might have been with us a lot longer. Instead she thought she might be pregnant(!) or just menopausally fat, and had fallen and cracked a rib. In fact by the time the idiots diagnosed liver/bone cancer it was so far gone she died three weeks later.

This was 12 years ago. Lots has changed since then, all for the better. But I would really urge your friend to take control, hard as it is and fight. That's really all you can do. Lots of people get better. Some don't . All you can do is give her the best possible chance.
Sorry I'm rambling
I wish her all the love and luck in the world.
Ps all you cna do is listen, support her and treat her now and then.

I think Cll's advice is really good. My Mum died of breast cancer just over 3 weeks ago (aged 74) - so a bit different.

Suggest to you friend that she gets in touch with one of the Cancer charity helpines (Cancer Bacup has a good one I think). Then she will beable to ask all sorts of questions to people who are able and experienced to answer them.

My Mum was fortunate to have excellent treatment. She too had lumps removed but unfortuately the consultant didn't remove it all and it then spread to her bone & liver.
That said, she lived almost 10 years from first diagnosis, so in her own words "had a good innings".

Mo2
xx

hi my mother-in-law (53) is coming to the end of her treatment for breast cancer, afinishing chemo and about to start radio. I agree with the others here the double dose of killing treatment is for the best - the treatment can be pretty horrible but if she's in general good health then it hopefully won't affect her too badly. Thats been my experience. There is tonnes of informtion on the internet about breast cancer drugs trials, one of the best ways to help those who come after her and also to benefit herself with the lastest drugs. Sheffield and Cardiff both have fantastic cancer treatment places, iw ould advice your friend to get you mum into the best place like someone else said. again info on who's doing what cancer wise is all on the internet.

Thank you all so much ladies. Cll your advice is excellent I'm so sorry it didn't work out for your mum and you too mo2.
My friend is quite scatty at the best of times so this advice will help put her in the right direction, especially making sure her mum is treated at a good teaching hospital.
My friend still lives with her mum so she will be right there for her trough the treatment and she knows iam only on the end of the phone whenever she needs me. Thanks again.

WHereabouts in the country is she?

Shes in liverpool, mo2.

Hi, charlize. I've had breast cancer myself, 3 years ago - I was 49 when it was diagnosed. I had surgery (lumpectomy - 2 lumps) followed by 6 months chemo and 4 weeks radiotherapy. Sofartouchwood I am fine but my lymph nodes were clear. As your friend's mum's weren't they may use different or stronger chemo drugs. I honestly don't know how much difference the lymph nodes make to the prognosis.

I had the chemo and radio at Preston - it has a very modern chemotherapy unit and a separate, possibly newer radiotherapy unit. I don't know what there is in Liverpool but she could ask to be treated at Christie's in Manchester?

Breast Cancer Care is an excellent website - I used to read it a lot. Hope she recovers - you will be a big help for your friend and her mum.

If I was diagnosed tomorrow, I would INSIST on being treated in a specialist centre, not just a general hospital. I would look for the best survival rates and pester for the best drugs and treatment possible. Your friend should contact Cancer Bacup and Breast Cancer Care and demand her mum is treated in a specialist centre. The survival rates are shockingly different depending on where she is treated. Breast Cancer Care, The Lavender Trust and Cancer Bacup can all be found on the net. Good luck to your friend and her mum.

This is the breast cancer index page at Cancer Bacup - more detailed information I think.

Thank you Janh and Aloha, I will check out those links later.
How would I find out what is the nearest speasialist centre? Or which hospital has the highest survival rate? I suppose my friends mum would have to change hospitals before her treatment starts on ist April?
Can they refuse to treat her where she chooses or do they have to comply.
I have heard of christies so it must be quite good, its not too far from my friend(about an hour I think) I think she is being treated at the mo at the Royal Liverpool.

I just had a look on the Cancer Bacup site and found the Sunshine Club support group for women in Liverpool - it's based at the Aintree Breast Unit at Walton Hospital - there is a contact phone number, she could ring there and ask about the Royal Liverpool vs Christies.

Also The Liverpool Cancer Care Self-Help Group . It has its own website here .

This might be very useful - Cancer Information Centre in association with CancerBACUP - it's based at Christie's. Staffed by a specially trained CancerBACUP nurse - open Mon-Fri 10-4.

One of these should be able to tell her about the different units and how much time it would take to change to a different hospital.

Oh, beety, you charmer! What a lovely message to get on a Monday morning!

JanH Thanks so much for taking the time to do that.
Sorry I took so long to reply only just loged on this morning .
Those links are really helpful!