My brother has just been diagnosed as anorexic and I feel totally unable to help :(

[littlelamb]

My little brother is only 12 but is displaying all the signs of anorexia. Our aunt died last year of anorexia, she had suffered terribly for decades, and I have had huge troubles with eating, mainly bulimia, in the past. I really want to help him, but I know how stubborn someone in that mindset can be, and in all honesty I have no idea what to say to him My parents have never known about my problems, but my first response was to feel like I should write them a letter saying how serious this could become, and maybe send them some good books on the subject that I have. We are not a very close family, and aren't at all touchy-feely and never talk about feelings, so that would take a huge ammount of courage on my part. My parents just don't seem to understand eating disorders. My mum's way of tackling it is to make him sit at the table until he eats his meal and sometimes he will sit there til bedtime not touching anything, but, I imagine, feeling awful. Alternatively, I could write to my brother himself, but I don't want to be accused of being secretive. He just seems so distant since all this began and it breaks my heart because I see so much of the loneliness I have felt in the past in him. I feel trapped in a horrible situation. I am 300 miles away from my family, so I can't even give him a hug

How sad

I would def write to your parents AND your brother. I'm not an expert on the subject at all, but I think you must at least try to help.

Poor you

Thanks for the advice. I get the impression that my parents think he'll just grow out of it but the change in him is severe and quite frightening

Is there any chance he might be able to come and stay with you over the school hols? I know that might not be possible but it would mean that you and he could talk and he would be away from a difficult situation with your mum etc.

Feel for you though, my best friend throughout school was anorexic and it was impossible to get close to her about the subject.

[hugs]

If he has been diagnosed what is his gp arranging in the way of help? My best friend eventually refused to drink even water as it contained calories and bacteria that she thought would kill her. It was one of the tutors in 6th form that finally managed to help her and only then cause she had it herself.

Sorry to hear about your brother littlelamb.
My sister was anorexic ,bulimic,body dismorphic ,obsessive compulsive etc etc and she suffered from around the age of 11,although she was always not quite' right' iynwim?Unfortunately she committed suicide 3 years ago .
It is vital that the treatment your brother needs starts now because the longer the illness is left untreated the more of a hold it has on the sufferer.
What treatment has he been offered?
Who has diognosed it?
I think that it would help your brother if you were to discuss your experiences of eating disorders and how you felt.
I think that you need to talk with the rest of your family too,make your parents understand eating disorders!
If they are not informed of the symptoms ,behaviour ,and unfortunately the end result in some cases ,then they havent a hope in hell of helping your brother.
You may need to do this via letter and by many many phone calls or maybe you could all arrange a weekend to get together?
Tell your mum that forcing your brother to eat imo will do nothing,only increase his anxiety.
Anorexia needs specialised,tailored treatment .
It is horrible illness that affects not just the sufferer but the entire family .
I think that there is evidence that it does run in families in some cases .
Im just sorry that yet another young life and family are being 'infected'
Sorry if my post doesnt make much sense but ive got a 4year old 'on acid' running round my lounge
Hope this helps in some way, you can always chat to me about it if you feel that would help you!
I really hope that your brother can be helped.
xxxxxxxxx

Neena28- I have offered to have him for a week as they're coming down here on holiday, but they won't allow it. They have said my sister, who is a year older, can though. I am worried this will just plummet his self esteem further though, so I may have to say they both come or neither of them will. The GP is apparently still looking into treatment options. I get the impression that it will be an uphill struggle for him, not least because he is a boy. Unfortunately I think it is still very much considered a female disease. I think my mum in particular is compounding the problem. My parents eat far too much, and can't understand why my brother wouldn't want ot do the same unfortunately. Last time I was out with them she even chose what he had in a restaurant, not letting him make his own choice. I am just so worried and wish I was closer.

Anorexia is all about control ,if the sufferer feels that they cant control what is going on around them then they can at least have control of their body ,some sufferers may feel quite proud of their self control.

I know. I've been there, which is what scares me. I guess my parents' ignorance is bliss. I have had some terrible times with bulimia, with some really prolonged periods of starvation, and the longer you do it, the bigger your resolve becomes. I just can't believe it can be so severe in someone so young

Littlelamb, poor you, poor brother. I have been there as a past anorexic when at school many years ago now. It is an extremely difficult situation which I feel gps cannot give advice on, I was prescribed to eat cheese sandwiches throughout the day between meals! Seeing I was surviving on half an apple a day it was a joke and went down to 6 stone before my friends made a stand for me. The more you make a big deal about it the worse he will become. the thing is to find the root of the problem, you say your family is not a touchy feely one, maybe he wants to know he is loved and would like the attention he may not be getting. To make him sit at the table until he finishes is cruel and will only set him back, the best thing is to ask what he wants or give him small amounts of his favourite dishes and leave him to eat it while your mum goes about her buisness in the kitchen keeping a careful eye on him ( he will do anything to get rid of food)

I think the idea of him staying with you in the holidays is great, go and do nice things together, have fun, introduce food into the equation without making a big deal, maybe go strawberry picking and eat afew while you do it, make pop corn before watching a movie (low in calories) stuff like that. It takes ages to get over something like this, it is totally physcological. I remember once actually wanting a piece of toast and sitting round a table at school (I was boarding) with a group of people, one who remarked that I was about to eat something, that was it, I physically felt sick and couldn't eat for days infront of people.

Tread carefully, you already are making a huge difference by caring, good luck!