relatives who smoke and newborns

[noodlekitkat]

Hello All,

I have some relatives who smoke quite a lot and I am feeling a bit anxious about letting them near my baby when it is born. Personally, I don't like the idea of someone reeking of smoke holding and breathing on my tiny baby..

Any opinons or diplomatic suggestions here?

Thanks!

After they have had a fag so 'go and clean your hands then you can have a cuddle' worked with my parents who smoke alot.

Oooh - don't get me started on this one. My parents are heavy smokers. My mother's of the "never did you any harm" mentality (yes, course not, that's why I was ill with so many chest infections & colds as a child).
Anyway, when I had DS I always made them wash their hands and take of coats/cardigans that they were wearing.
Can't give you and advice on diplomacy _ I just asked them to do it or they didn't get to hold DS.
It still bothers me. Dad is usually v good and won't smoke at all when he's round DS, mum goes outside for a fag - I still ask her to wash her hands.
What's worse is if they babysit and the weather's not too good, my mum either stands inside the house with the door open a bit, blowing the smoke out (BUT THE FAG IS STILL INDOORS MOTHER!!) or she goes into my kitchen "far away from DS". (IT'S STILL IN MY HOUSE) and wonders how we know!!

my dad always smoked around me as a child, if i complained he'd blow smoke in my face! but even in his own home he's not allowed to smoke in the house when dd is there and if he reeks of smoke i ask him to change his clothes...... and he does.

similarly dp's dad has always smoked around his own and everyone elses kids but only had to be asked once not to do it around dd, and he hasn't complained.. goes out in the rain to smoke without a grumble.

your the mom and people will respect that even if they don't necessarily agree with what your asking them to do.... and if they don't behave you simply take the baby from them and ask them politely to leave unless thay can

It is such a shame. They have even offered to babysit but I'm thinking ermmm... maybe not..

They keep trying to quit. Ikiboo, my dh has asthma and eczma so I am feeling similarly about the 'harmless' attitude. Passive smoke is also a factor in SIDS :-(

We went out with my parents for lunch on Sunday to a pub. We headed for the "no smoking" section with DS. I heard mum say to dad "But what if we want a cig with our drinks". My dad snapped at her "you'll just have to go outside then won't you? Do you want to make baby poorly?"

I guess I should practice being firm here. I am sure I will piss them off

Maybe I can get dh to break them in gently..

good on your dad Ikiboo

Oh, this really gets to me as i am so against smoking.
Dh smokes and he has wanted to give up before, but can't .. then i put pressure on him which makes him want a fag even more.
When dd1 was born i spoke out about no smoking in my house, since my PIL's came over to stay .. and in their house FIL smokes indoors.
However, they thought i was over reacting when i was angry about FIL and BIL would go in dd's nursery and secretly have a fag .. thinking i wouldn't know!! They would deny it, but i even found a few fag burns in the carpet!! They thought it was so rude of me to want them to go outdoors for a fag!! grrr .. still angers me.
Last yr, FIL's came to stay at mine again for a few weeks .. and no words exchanged, went outside to smoke.
Well, dh has a strong mint and washes hands .. but the smoke clings onto clothes and hair, deosn't it?!!

mythumbelinas: Wow that's awful! And in the baby's room of all places?!

Yep in the baby's room, noodlekitkat .. i didn't understand why they thought it was okay.
When i was little, my dad ussed to smoke, but not heavily .. he even let us light up an occasional cigerette! When we learnt at school how bad it was and about passive smoking, we told dad and he gave up just like that.

My FIL smokes but thankfully has always respected that we don't allow smoking in our house (we do have a bit of a porch now though so it's easier to go outside than at our old place). However, from a diplomacy point of view if you're worried about offending them then you could ask everyone to wash their hands rather than singling them out, really everyone should anyway before touching a newborn as almost a 1/3 of all adults carry MRSA/group B strep/meningitis without showing any symptoms or knowing about it - best to be on the safe side with anyone.

I didn't know about this 'MRSA/group B strep/meningitis' situation. Well that strengthens the argument for washing.

It's strange how different people are about smoking. I was a smoker for about 10 years but I never assumed I had a right to smoke in someone's house.

I always knew that I was 'in the wrong' I guess due to all the medical research available when I was growing up.

omg i can identify with you TOTALY on this one! me and dh feel very strongly about this. we won't even go in my mil house because she chain smokes and never opens a window. everything is brown and honks of fags. when she's been to ours(about once a year) and cuddled them i have to bath them and change their clothes.i can even smell cigs in my dd's hair!blo*dy awful !! all i can say is to be point blank and refuse to take your child into a smoky atmosphere, its as simple as that. any smokers need to go outside for a puff. my dad was always a smoker but he was one of the cleanest people i know (always in the shower)so i never really had a problem with him. i think you just have a really protective instinct when you are having a new baby, at the end of the day, they will survive. just stick to your guns and don't let anyone smoke around your little one, start off as you mean to go on, even if you get a bit of grief for it.

Thanks for all the support on this everyone!

Sorry just read back my post - don't mean to scare anyone at all as risks are very very low but I know for sure I'm group b positive so always make sure I wash my hands before touching a newborn and I work in hospitals so am probably a bit over-zealous about handwashing anyway.

MIL smokes. When we visit she smokes outside but you can still smell stale smoke in the house. I'd like to say we won't visit until she's given up because I don't like to breathe it in leave alone dd. Smoking around children really annoys me!!!