Hate myself after drinking

[Marmitefan]

First time post. I have always been a bit of a binge drinker and am having that horrible morning after self loathing and embarrassment after getting drunk at party and feeling like a fool. I hate this feeling , i hate myself but can't undo this bad drunken behaviour. I don't think I upset anyone , but got the feeling the host who i don't know very well was looking down on me. And obviously I am thinking I'll never drink again, which I have said before but not managed. Don't know what answers I am looking for here, any wise words are welcome . Just wanted to get this off my chest..

Hi Marmite

I know exactly what you mean. I always get this too, and I'm sitting here this morning feeling shit because I had a drink with a very good friend on Saturday night, and feel awful that I wasn't as supportive to her as I should have been because I was drunk and kept turning the conversation back onto me.

My best friend gets this worse than me, and has actually totally given up drinking as a result.

I think it's a physical part of the hangover as much as an actual reaction to your behaviour. Sort of like a come-down where depression / anxiety / self-loathing kick in. I've even experienced the feeling when I've been drinking at home on my own and haven't done anything or spoken to anyone that could make me feel like that.

I don't know the answer, other than don't drink any more. I try now to limit how much I drink to what I know is a safe amount for me, but it doesn't always happen.

Only words of wisdom are that you are probably imagining that she was looking down on you, and if she was, fuck her! and this feeling, along with the hangover, will be gone soon.

Go and have a bacon sarnie!

x

You will feel better tomorrow. Drink is a depressant. I drink a lot less now than I did in the past and I hope to continue to be less and less inclined to binge drink. It is just not worth it.

Anyway you will feel a lot better tomorrow. Try to ignore the bad stuff today.

Marmitefan, you probably don't want to think about giving up booze forever. Quite understandable. But how about giving up for January? Lots of people do this now so you can do it without it raising an eyebrow (you can even be sponsored for charity).

I get asked in real life about drinking problems quite a lot - that tends to happen when it is well known that you are an alcoholic who has had to give up forever, everyone wants to avoid becoming you . I normally suggest a dry month to start off with. The reason being, this gives you long enough to see some of the benefits of not drinking - not just the no hangovers but overall the feeling of wellbeing - and also gives you a chance to really look at your triggers and work out a clear-headed plan for addressing them. If you tried to cut down or give up before and didn't succeed, it's probably because you weren't being mindful about the way you were drinking. I know to my cost how very, very easy to is to get into a routine that becomes a habit - I don't mind in an addiction sense but just a pattern of behaviour that you can repeat without thinking about it.

After a month on the wagon you should be in a much better position to decide what frequency and quantity of drinking is right for you, and what techniques you might want to try to avoid binging. I always said I had no off button in my head for wine. Other drinks I could probably have controlled my intake much better, but that's not the right option for me now.

If you fancy a go at it, there is at least one thread running on dry January already; I normally pop in at some point to offer some tips on how best to stay on the wagon, as do the many other old soaks on MN who now have to match dry January with dry February and all the other months of the year too :)

I can't tell you how a few kind and wise words have helped me feel a bit better, although I keep having awful flashbacks of the evening. MrsBob, I never thought of these feelings being partly a physical reaction but I think that's probably true.
I have been here before but I really want to (try to) cut alcohol out of my life. Without being too dramatic , the physical and worse, emotional agony after a binge is not worth it. So I am going to look at dry January. I have tried and failed before but I feel bit more determined right now. Funnily enough when I have looked to friends for support, mentioning I am concerned about my drinking , they reassure me I am perfectly ok/normal. But I don't think I am ok.

I'm doing the same. I have only had a drink on 2 occasions in the last 10 weeks. First time was Christmas eve, and I thought I'd have just a bit of bucks fizz, and that was fine. I just had 2-3 glasses of 4% stuff.

On Saturday I had a couple of glasses of wine with my friend, then went to the pub and had one pint of cider, and then came back home and had another glass of wine. I only just got over the hangover this lunchtime. I was on painkillers all yesterday, had an early night and had to have more painkillers this morning.

The occasion 10 weeks ago that made me quit was where I had just under one bottle of wine over several hours. I was fine all the next day, then spent the evening being sick, to the point where I got burst blood vessels in my face for a couple of days.

I have always had quite bad hangovers, but they are happening more and more from what I would consider a moderate amount of alcohol. I know many people wouldn't consider almost a bottle of wine as moderate, but it's a lot less than I used to be able to drink.

It's just not worth the after effects, and I find once I start drinking I'm no good at moderating what I drink. Once I get past the 2nd glass I will just keep going.

I'm intending to limit myself to two ciders on NYE but I'm hosting a house party for loads of friends. I've warned them all that any alcohol they bring that's left over, they HAVE to take home with them. Otherwise it's going down the sink. I just have no willpower if it's in the house.

Hi Marmite, I know the feeling you describe. Have been there many times myself. Drinking is a very personal thing - what is fine for someone else can make you feel miserable, and vice versa. It it feels like too much for you, then it really is too much.

I agree with tribpot - start with taking a month off the booze. That's what I did when I started to get control of my drinking a couple of years ago. A month is long enough to break the habit of having a drink at certain times, you will notice what your triggers are. The feeling of having a clear head every day is marvellous! It also helped me to see how much alcohol was taking over my life. I was planning my other activities around my expected hangovers, so drinking was taking precedence over more healthy and fun things.

I do still drink but am much more aware of my limits. I find it easier to think whether I actually want a drink, or am just pouring one out of habit. My aim is to never ever feel like I have had a drink the night before - so never drinking enough to have a thick head or sick stomach the next day. Plan ahead - think of soft drinks or herbal teas or whatever that you really enjoy and have loads of them in the house. My trigger time is often in the evening while watching telly, so I have started painting my nails every other evening so I have something to occupy my hands. And I enjoy running so I find it easier if I can look forward to a clear-headed run the next day and the accompanying buzz!

And if such things motivate you, you will definitely lose weight if you stop/cut down on drinking.

Good luck and keep posting. The guilt can send you crazy if you keep it all to yourself x

I think a lot of people have a low level concern about their drinking, and/or a very stereotypical image of and stigma about alcoholism. All of that adds up to a lot of people having a vested interest in saying "there's nothing wrong with you". (Meaning there's nothing wrong with them).

However, I also don't think there's anything wrong with you but your drinking is affecting your life negatively, it isn't good for you and so it would be daft not to look at strategies to reduce how much you drink.

With your friends hopefully they will be supportive of Dry January, but you can also say you counted up your units and realised you were over and you want to take it easy. Planning will be key as Lotta says.

I've found herbal tea and ginger beer the best things to distract my taste buds. Keeping my hands busy has been vital as well. When I first quit I used to play Nintendo DS quite a lot and then I got into knitting, so that means my hands are never idle and itching for a drink to hold :)

There will be key times in the day to watch out for - a drink whilst cooking dinner, or hitting the pub after a rubbish day at the office. Dinner parties where the booze flows very freely might either best be avoided for a bit, or go totally sober (making up some excuse like driving or antibiotics) rather than trying to drink moderately if everyone else is getting plastered.

Well it's evening and I am still beating myself up over last night but on a positive note, I feel better for talking about this, and your lovely replies have made me feel less like a terrible person. I think I'm very emotional today but your advice and hearing about your own experiences is much appreciated.
As i said, I have tried to stop or cut down drinking before - I know it is damaging to me in so many ways yet I continue to choose to drink. I cannot drink in moderation. I never throw up, or fall down but I am hating more and more how i act, the person I become when I drink too much. I like the person I become after a glass of wine or two, I am more sociable, confident......but it never stops there unfortunately.
I'm weirdly excited about just stopping drinking. I can usually not drink at all or drink less when I'm at home. I work long hours in a moderately stressful job so I'm late home, up early so don't feel much like drinking midweek. My social life is my downfall - jolly evenings in the pub, lovely meals out with bottles and bottles of wine, meeting with friends and family always involves alcohol. It wouldn't occur to me to not drink, drink less or drive, whats the point of going out if you can't let your hair down.?
So I think it's going to be incredibly difficult when I am these situations to not drink. Because I like it, because I have forgotten how to enjoy myself without a drink, because people who know me will probably think what the hell is wrong with Marmite and because I know that I have failed before. But I am going to do my best

I am considering Dry January too. I was in the past a binge drinker, now I drink maybe 5/7 evenings 2-3 units. If I go out and binge as I used to I do exactly as you describe, I get excited at being out with friends/ meeting new people etc etc. It needs a whole new approach to socialising doesn't it? The next day has caused so much depression and general hideousness that it's just not worth it AT ALL!!

How about signing up to this: Dry January for Cancer Research

It would give you a start, a bit more motivation to continue if friends are sponsoring you, and would help you circumvent tricky questions. As someone whose life has been improved greatly when a partner gave up alcohol, I admire your pluck, and I promise I'll be first to make a donation if you succeed

Massive X Post! Will still sponsor you though ( must not post and cook at same time)

So I think it's going to be incredibly difficult when I am these situations to not drink.

Well your goal is not to not drink, but it's to not drink to excess. We're talking about Dry January as a means for you to re-evaluate your relationship with alcohol and try to find a better one, this is not the beginning of your sober life, unless you find at the end of the month that you actually prefer it.

I actually don't find it that bad, being in the pub and not drinking. I can't fully relax there, but that's to do with my own addiction, and I only occasionally have the experience of being the sober one when everyone else is completely hammered. Normally the evenings tend to be quite mellow and people take it easy. Of course, if only a smaller group of us go out they are taking it easy to some extent because of me (someone I am friendly with but not close to in my directorate said to me about my leaving do earlier in the month "are you going to have a big piss up? Just because you can't drink doesn't mean we can't" - charming!)

But I would definitely use the excuse of a sponsored event to get you started. Your friends would have to be pretty mean not to be supportive of that.

The language of drinking is interesting as well. You say whats the point of going out if you can't let your hair down.? but you could equally say whats the point of going out if you can't have that horrible morning after self loathing and embarrassment after getting drunk at party and feeling like a fool?

You can have a good time with less alcohol, you can have a good time with no alcohol. It will just take some work for you to be able to achieve that.

Marmite I had a similar problem when I used to drink wine. Would wake up with a feeling of dread knowing I would have said something to upset somebody and usually I couldn't remember it. I didn't drink every day, just once a week. I changed to drinking Gin and Tonic when I go out. I don't feel deprived but don't get drunk on it. It changed my life. I now only drink wine at home or with a Sunday lunch and only have 2. Good luck

Hello I think with alcohol being the foundation of our society, it i really find it hard not to drink too much. I too am doing dry January. Got a post up in dieting section and hoping the fact I am publicising it and getting folk to sponsor me will break the cycle. I find it fine when I'm pregnant but after 3 kids, I can't be pregnant all my life. I drink between half a bottle to full bottle of wine per day but now feeling so crook [sick]. Was just at drs this morning with chest pains and with 3 small children, need to,think of them! With regards to drinking too much at parties, at last u were at a party. We just drink at home and that is much worse. I wish you well on your journey, there are many folks out there battling their own wine witch demons but what's in the past is gone, try to think of where u want to be.