Are my thoughts normal, they seem OTT.

[onetiredmummy]

I've had them for the past few years as a lot has happened during that time & lots of it bad. I'm not on any medication & have no past mh worries but I'm starting to wonder if its normal to do this.

Every time dp is late from work or doesn't answer his phone when out, I am convinced he has died. There's no interim thought, just that he must have had an accident & be lying there dead on the road. Sometimes I make myself cry with the vividness of the thought & although I know its irrational on one level & he is just late, another part of me steels myself for the news that he's dead. I'm expecting the phone call until he is home then the fear just vanishes unti the next time. I've tried to tell him in a joking way to please let me know if he's running late as I have these silly thoughts but I obviously haven't conveyed it properly as he doesn't.

If my exH is late bringing back the DCs the first thought I have is the crushed car on the M5 & my boys dead. I see their little bodies contorted & covered in blood & convince myself that's what has happened. Then when they come home & exH apologises & explains traffic is bad the fear has gone. Its gone the moment I have seen his car.

I also have an irrational fear of the house burning down & us losing everything. Its never happened to me & I have full insurance but I get a sick clenching feeling, if I'm on holiday I start wondering if we will come back to a pile of ashes & all out stuff gone. Of course it never happens but I can't stop the thought of it.

Its quite distressing at the time & I often can't eat for hours after any of these thoughts as my stomach has twisted into an unbreakable iron knot. I can't link these thoughts back to any logical source or cause & I can't control them or manage them while they are happening.

Any thoughts?

I think you should visit your GP. Perhaps they might be able to refer you for some help like CBT or similar.
I think a lot of us have thughts like this from time to time, so you are not alone, but they shouldn't leave you feeling unable to eat and so distressed.
You've identified the issue is management and control, I'm sure you will be able to learn to do that with some help, don't feel bad abut needing help, we all do sometimes.
Meantime, much sympathy and a virtual hug :-)

OP I could have written that.

I had some CBT and I'd be lying to say it's gone but it has helped with strategies that sometimes help. Not always though. I figure I'm stuck with it.

I've been like this since childhood though.

This sounds like Generalised Anxiety Disorder to me.
I was diagnosed with GAD, OCD and Health Anxiety about 3 years ago and have had meds and CBT.
It stemmed from undiagnosed PND and PTSD from bad labour.
Go see your GP. I did, and got myself back.

What a lot of acronyms! Hope you can make sense of that.

I had this, it was awful. I could "see" the things happening and it was really really distressing. It was keeping me awake at night as I could "see" the house burning down and stopping me getting in the car as I was terrified of us crashing.

My GP referred me to a psychologist who diagnosed "obsessive ruminations related to PND"

He prescribed sertraline which he said worked very well on these obsessive thoughts and it did. I stayed on it for 2 years and when I tapered the dose down the thoughts didn't come back, it felt like my brain had forgotten how to think like that iyswim.

Thanks everyone for your posts and experiences.

I did have pnd 8 years ago with ds1 but the doctor at the time couldn't tell me if the antidepressants she was prescribing were safe for breast feeding so i refused them. Then the doctor said because I refused them she couldn't help me any further. The pnd eventually went away by itself.

I hadn't connected them before now.

Sounds like intrusive thought OCD to me.

You should definitely get an appointment with your GP, take a printout of your OP because you've described it really well there and if you're anything like me, I clam up as soon as I walk into the GP's room and don't explain myself properly .

I think you have it there: you had untreated PND. It does sound like rumination with some obsessive and intrusive thoughts. I have/ had these. They were gone for a long time on Sertraline but get them occasionally now I'm off it again.

Don't worry - there is loads you can do to help (even if you don't want medication). A good GP will be able to advise. Exercise, CBT and making sure you get enough sleep, social contact, and downtime are likely to help IME.