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Original poster

Anybody out there who has a parent with dementia/Alzheimer's?

22 replies

emkana · 20/07/2006 19:47

My dad has had it for about six years, for a long time he didn't deteriorate much and still did his own thing a lot of the time, but over the last few months things have gone downhill fast.
I feel so sorry for my mum, this is so hard on her.
And my poor dad is only 64...

OP posts:

Blandmum · 20/07/2006 19:51

My mother has vascular dementia (caused by strokes) . She has been in a psychogeriatric hospital for 5 years, and hasn't recognised me for the last 3-4 years.

Thank god my father is dead and never saw her like she is now. It is so hard Em, you have my sympathy

LaDiDaDi · 20/07/2006 19:56

Alzheimers is a horrible condition for both the sufferer and the family.

My grandmother has it and like your father was ok for a good while and then experienced quite a sudden decline which for her was associated with an episode of severe depression. She now lives in a residential care home after a spell in a psychiatric ward for the elderly. It's very sad to see her now, she still knows who we (family) are in person but can't recognise us in photos. She enjoyed meeting my dd and holding her etc but sadly now can't remember having seen her . She is still in good physical health and will be 80 next month but the inexorable decline in her mental functioning is awful to see.

Does your dad still live at home with your mum?

Original poster

emkana · 20/07/2006 20:00

Yes, he's at home.

He's very fixated on my mum, wants to do everything with her.
But she's just organizing some care now, somebody to come in twice a week to take him out for a walk.

OP posts:

tamum · 20/07/2006 20:02

My dad is just starting to go properly downhill too. It's been noticeable for a while (to me, anyway, no-one else seemed to have twigged for ages) but quite rapid at the moment. It's their Golden Wedding this weekend too

I am sorry emkana. You've had a lot to cope with, haevn't you?

beckybrastraps · 20/07/2006 20:03

My grandad suffered from dementia for about 15 years. After my grandma died he went downhill very fast, and it was hard to find a care home for him. He ended up in a home for the elderly mentally ill, but there aren't many around, and the first one offered was about 60 miles from where he lived, and where my mother lives. Shocking.
He got awfully confused and thought he had a son (he didn't). SOme of the time he remembered my mum, but sometimes he didn't. I had to stop going to see him in the end because he couldn't get a grip on who I was, and would get distressed. I used to send him things, as it didn't matter if he didn't know who they were from.
He was an extremely intelligent and loving man and it was very hard for him at first, but after a while he didn't miss what he had had, because he didn't remember that life. It was harder for his family than for him, and it was almost as though we had to think of him as a different person. But when he died, it was almost as though the last few years were forgotton, and we remembered my "real" grandad. It was wonderful to be able to do that. Now, when I think of him, I only remember the way he was before the dementia took hold.

Original poster

emkana · 20/07/2006 20:03

Yes, it's been a difficult year so far.
But at least ds is here to cuddle, which compensates for a lot.
How old is your dad?

OP posts:

LaDiDaDi · 20/07/2006 20:04

It's really important for your mum to get a break as well as to get your dad used to others caring for him. It may not be what you want to do now but in the future he may need residential care and this may be easier for him to accept if he is used to carers other than your mum.

tamum · 20/07/2006 20:05

He's 76. My grandad was very similar, though older when he got it. I don't think it's necessarily Alzheimer's, but definitely dementia. There are times when I wish I wasn't a geneticist....

Original poster

emkana · 20/07/2006 20:08

tamum

OP posts:

tamum · 20/07/2006 20:09

Actually the thought of you cuddling your ds has cheered me up immensely

Original poster

emkana · 20/07/2006 20:10

OP posts:

Blandmum · 20/07/2006 20:16

Tamum, {sad] isn't it.

Mind you, if I understand the break down of the figures the second most common reason for dementia is strokes.....and as you know you may inherit a tendency to high BP etc, the main causes are avoidable. Sometimes I think that biological knowlege is a double edged sword

mummydear · 20/07/2006 20:27

Although not dementia/Alzheimers my Mum sufffers from clinical depression and when the mediation is right and keeping the seratonin levels right in the brain she is fine when it all goes out of sinc its like a nightmare.

Hearbreaking for Dad as all he would like in life is to have her home but he cannot dela with her.

Mum is 81 and in a nursing home as Dad cannot care for her at home , he is 80. They have been together for 60 years.

Very hard on Dad when is is going through a bad phase, on last ocassions Mum screamed at him and told him to get out of the nursing home, very upsetting as this was Xmas. Mum was then in a psychiatric ward for the elderly until they got her straight agina with the medication.

Hated seeing her in the Mental Health unit.

Hearbreaking all round.

tamum · 20/07/2006 20:48

Thanks mb, wise words. It's just that it seems to me to be a non-typical sort of dementia with the rapid progression and shuffling gait and waking dream stuff- my dad just seems exactly like my grandfather, and neither of them has had a stroke. If you'd all care to tell me that this is bog-standard dementia that would help though, thanks

Hugs all round I think, you too mummydear {{{}}}

HRHQueenOfQuotes · 20/07/2006 20:59

Unfortunately there's no real 'bog-standard' dementia - it affects people in so many different ways.

Sadly it can progress very rapidly at times.

I work in a care home with 26 beds - 18 of which are available for people with Dementia. And it's scary how quickly some have deteriated in the 8 months I've been there.

this is a good website for more information on it.

Blandmum · 20/07/2006 21:03

I must confess that I had similar worries about my mother....Based on the same background information as you I think tamum ( we are very much alike in some respects I think)

She too had a 'shuffle' and also had hallucinations and 'waking dream' type events. She has never had a major stroke; nothing that could be picked up on a scan. They now think that she has had a series of TIAs.

Best to 'say you don't know', and not to rush to meet trouble half way....easier said than done, I know

tamum · 20/07/2006 21:14

Thanks mb, that is interesting that it's so similar (as indeed are we, you're right!). It is hard knowing so much biology at times, isn't it? Still, best start taking those beta blockers

Blandmum · 20/07/2006 21:19

You and me both. And just to trump you I had pre-eclampsia as well

They are recomending ACE inhibitors as the first line treatment now insead of beta blockers.

My mum used to main line salt and also somked, so at least I avoid those risk factors. Take my BP regularly and as yet it is fine.

But a 'little knowlege' (and I know yours isn't that little) can be a dangerous thing.

Oh, dh;'s blood count was the same as six months ago btw! I was so happy

tamum · 20/07/2006 21:36

Oh, fantastic about your dh, that's great news Yes, you got me on the pre-eclampsia, dammit. I shall have to find something else....

Tommy · 20/07/2006 21:48

my Dad has Alzheimers too.
He seems to have gone downhill quite rapidly aswell after having a slow deterioration.
Have you looked at the Alzheimers website? I found that very helpful and interesting. Good for your Mum to get some help in - my Mum is the sort of person that doesn't want anyone else to think she can't cope

wherethewildthingsare · 20/07/2006 21:57

Martianbishop - my dad has vascular (or multi-infarct as some docs call it) dementia too. He is 80 this year and in the last 7 years since he's been ill he has survived prostate cancer, epilepsy, septacaemia and pneumonia! What worries me is that he always had very low cholesterol (not sure about his bp though) mine is normal thank god. He was always an eccentric dad and so we didn't notice the little changes at first. The turning point when he went into hospital 7 years ago was going to Lourdes and ironically suffering a stroke. It was diagnosed until he came home and mum noticed he had combed his hair completely differently (ie the man she knew had started to slip away). She has had to endure aggression and even violence from him at first (she had to sleep in a separate bedroom with the door bolted due to his paranoia). He had to be hospitalised and has never come home . At first this was on a secure ward which he used to pace endlessly but as his mobility decreased he is now at no danger of going anywhere. He is now doubly incontinent and doesn't recognise anyone. I wish I could give some hope but I'm afraid there seems to be only deterioration. T|he strain on my mother has been immense - decisions over his treatment and conflicts with her Catholic faith over medical intervention. She travels 90 minutes each day to spoon feed him his lunch because no-one else has the time. THe worst part for me is that it's as if he is dead but of course, he's not and I start to forget the man who was my dad.

doobydoo · 20/07/2006 21:57

Poor you and Family EmkanaDp's mum has alzheimers...she got much worse after dp's father died 2 years ago.I think he covered for her and she used to have a routine.She is now in a care home as she started wandering down her road at night.Dp can't really have a conversation with her on the phone anymore as she wanders off with it and holds it the wrong way round.We are hoping to go to the uk to visit this year.It is a very sad condition.You have my sympathy.

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