feeling very low about being a type 1 diabetic and mum of 2

[italophile]

Hi,

I've been a type 1 diabetic since I was 11 years old. Had 2 dc in my mid and late thirties.Now in forties and finding it all too much , working part time, looking after the kids, housework. V supportive dp and some domestic help.

But I am now finding it all too much and wondered how other mums with T1 diabetes are coping with it all

Sorry to hear you are struggling. But thought id give you a bit of sympathy and . I don't have diabetes myself, but my dh has just been diagnosed with type 2. He finds it hard of course but is coping ok now his meds are sorted.

What is it that is causing you to struggle more now? Would you like to give up your job? Is that an option?

Hi, thank you for your message

I think having 2 dc under 8 and having to deal with the same issues that all parents have to deal with means that I'm finding trying to keep BG control is getting harder and harder - so for example, my youngest hid my blood testing equipment in the airing cupboard the other day, when i tried my spare , its batteries were dead, DS1 meanwhile was getting hungry and I had no idea what my BG was so started crying....

I do feel I get enough support so I think the reason I'm feeling this all now is probably to do with me getting older with diabetes...

I've requested VR from my job and they have just agreed it so this may help me a lot....

I know there are some other mums with diabetes on here so hopefully a few will come on to give you some better advice than I can.
The only thing I can say with regards to dc is put your health as a no 1 priority. Dont feel bad about not running round after them or being very strict that they dont touch your stuff. This means they have to absolutely respect anything you need to keep healthy and help out around the house as much as age appropriate. Do some helpful fetching and carrying for you. Be independent about getting themselves ready and things. If you do a lot for them now at first they may not like this but If you don't do this you can get sick and then it will be much worse for them. You will have to be strict about this but can also reward them if they are helpful.
This is a bit of a do as I say advice dd is a bit lazy as I always run round after her but now I am ill it has made my life harder as she thinks she is doing me a big favour by fetching her own drink! But as you have a long term health problem you need to get the kids helping not making things harder.

Btw dh is much stricter than me. dd would NEVER touch his things without asking or refuse to help if he told her to. So I guess you have to work on being that way lol.

I think the diabetes is a red herring.

It sounds, to me, far more like depression. I think blaming it on the diabetes is simply a sub-conscious distraction method.

I could be wrong obviously but you sound overwhelmed with life in general. I think the fact that you are struggling to control your bg is a symptom not the main issue.

If your partner is as supportive as you say he is, and you also have domestic help, then I think it's more than just a diabetes issue. I think you need to make an appointment with your doctor and discuss how you are feeling in general.

I think it's easy to miss the real problem when you have a physical problem you can focus on.

I'm not a doctor by any means, and I'm more than aware that I don't know you so I could be barking up the wrong tree completely, but it's just my gut feeling from what you've written. (I also have an XDH who is 43 and has been Type 1 diabetic since 13yo.)

Hi,

It's good for me to read what other people think. I do get depressed about being diabetic from time to time and I'm going through one of those periods now. I think, given that I have 2dc now, I am worried about what the future may hold for me and for them. My Hba1cs are not a disaster, but having run them around 6.5 for many years, I'm now running them around 7.9 and this is scaring me.

I think what many people don't realise apart from my DP and close friends is that for me keeping really good control to avoid the complications takes a huge amount of input. When I was in my twenties I felt I'm not going to let this stop me having a good life and I would go off hiking in Nepal with my insulin in my back pack but now I feel I've had to do this for 30 years and I just want a holiday from being a diabetic and obviousy that's not possible

I know that most people post on mumsnet to ask for help - I'm not sure what I'm asking for, I just thought it would be nice to know whether other mums with T1dm found it all too much and when they did how they coped with it.

Yes having a support thread is helpful, sometimes just talking to others in the same situation is a big help. I hope you get some other mums with type 1 coming on soon.

Yes having a support thread is helpful, sometimes just talking to others in the same situation is a big help. I hope you get some other mums with type 1 coming on soon.

I'm type 1, with DC aged 4 and 6. I was only diagnosed about 3 years ago. To start off with I was very good at controlling my BG but over the last year i've really struggled. The daily tasks of having to monitor, measure, calculate and track everything are a real grind at the moment and I find myself making poor decisions about food / carbs and get in to a vicious circle of high BG, weight gain, frustration and depression, and even though I know I'm damaging myself I do it anyway. My last Hba1c was 11.5. I've been between 6 and 8 for the 3 years previously.

I just want someone else to take on the responsibility but I know I'm the only one who can.

Hi MrsKitty, Yes mine are 7 and nearly 4. I understand what you're saying - for me it's not so much the calculating that I find hard but before I only had to look after myself now having 2 little people to look after means that I end up forgetting to inject which I rarely did b4 I had kids.

DP taken the kids out now so am sitting on the sofa feeling low.

7.9 is not a disaster by any means, XDH would be thrilled if that was his average!

It's natural to get depressed about having a life long condition. Diabetes is shit. Simple as that. It's a crappy crappy thing.

XDH has had some episode of serious depression because of it, especially as he gets older, and definitely more since we had DS. He was 41 when DS was born so worries a lot about being an 'older' parent and the added issue of having diabetes only compounds that. He also has retinopathy which I know scares the absolute bejesus out of him.

The thing is being a parent is stressful. We all have moments where we get overwhelmed by the enormity of it, well I certainly do. If I think about it too much I can send myself into a complete spin about what would happen to DS if anyone were to happen to me.

When I've been really low (I had borederline PTSD and PND after DS was born) I wouldn't go out in the car unless it was essential because I would get really anxious about the possibility of having an accident whilst on a journey I didn't really need to go on. I know that is completely illogical but it certainly didn't feel like it at the time.

From your last post I would say that rather than suffering from depression you are simply having one of those periods we all have, for our own individual reasons, where things just seem too much.

I understand exactly what you say when you say that people don't understand the work that goes into keeping diabetes under control. I think that is the case for pretty much all non-visible conditions. What is it they say - 'if you want sympathy, get a disease people can see'.

I know when XDH gets depressed about his health there really isn't anything either he or anyone else can do about it. He just has to ride it out so to speak. He'll have phases where the diabetes is all he can think about but eventually it passes and he gets back to just getting on with it.

Diabetes is a twat, it can fuck right off if you ask me but unfortunately it doesn't listen to my rants. I still rage at it from time to time though, it makes me feel better if nothing else!

Italophile, yes, I know what you mean. It's not that j find the calculating, monitoring etc difficult - I'm pretty adept at that side of it - it's that I find it a complete and utter pain in the arse, and yet more stuff to have to do on top of everything else that I have to do for everyone else. And I'm always in a rush with too much to do and not enough time to do it, leading to forgotten, late or miscalculated injections. And then there's the times when I go on a binge through depression or stress and just can't keep track of what's gone in in order to inject.... I'm just starting to realise just how much of a mess I am right now actually....

Thank you randallfloyd, I do identify with your XDH's thoughts. Once when I was going through a low patch, the diabetic consultant suggested a saw a diabetic counsellor and I did some CBT.

She identified 2 abnormal thought processes that related to my relationship with my diabetes and these were negative thought processes and catastrophic thought processes and gave me CBT techniques to deal with them.

I know I am having these thoughts now. e.g. I'm thinking what if one or both of my DC get diabetes? and as I missed a recent OPA cos of a family bereavement and haven't been seen since february, I am filled with fear that when I am seen, I will be found to have lots of complications. I can sort of predict from the 90 day averages what my next HbA1c and I think it's going to be around 8.6. I am so fearful about my next appt, it even took me a while to put it in writing just now

Also, when you have dc, it makes you reflect on your own upbringing and although I coped fine with being diabetic at school, from time to time when I got depressed about it, I would tell me mum and though she was a loving mum, she would say things like," You can still do everything you want to when you're diabetic. Think about people who are less fortunate than you who are disabled or who are blind or deaf!!!!"

I know my mum was a product of her generation and thought she was doing the right thing but I remember feeling that my feelings/ emotions were being denied and I think that's why they have come out through different channels like depression...my DP is emotionally intelligent and says the sort of thing you just said about your XDH riding it out, when I feel like this...

Yesterday I emailed my hospital about bringing my OPA forward.

mrskitty, it's well known that people with diabetes ( I think it's about 90%) also get depression and anxiety like most people with a chronic condition.

I'm not sure what we can do when we've got young dc though - when things are going well - i.e children sleep well, me and DP sleep well, no arguments btn the dc at breakfast, I am ok but all parents have the same struggles but with us, we HAVE to keep on top of our diabetes and that's what I'm, and from what you've said, you're struggling with.

When I forget to inject, I think whatever is going on around you next time, don't forger to inject but then 2 weeks later, I wake up hypo, treat it, then something happens and I forget to inject and go high....

Interesting that you said you've previously had some CBT... I'm seriously considering some kind of hypnotherapy to address my food issues (I am, and always have been, a chronic emotional binge eater) andiI'm hopeful that by addressing that, I'll improve my diabetes control too, because those are also the times when I find I'm too stressed out / worrying about everyone else to maintain my insulin injections effectively too.

I think you are absolutely right. You are simply going through a period where those unhealthy thought processes have fought their way to the front of your mind.

The fact that you recognise that and have techniques you can use to help counteract them is hugely important. It won't make them go away but it will stop them taking over and will help you feel strong enough to deal with them.

I think bringing the appointment forward is a good idea. I think missing the last one has caused you to feel like you've lost an element of control and it's maybe spiralled out from there.

You also mentioned a bereavement. Any loss brings thoughts of our own mortality to the fore so it's not surprising your fears have been magnified.

I'm so sorry for your loss.

Thank you randallfloyd - yes I've been very much in touch with my own mortality as this year, although none were unexpected, me and DP lost 4 people we loved.

Mrskitty, are you on pump and DAFNE?

Gosh, that's an awful lot to deal with. It's no surprise you're feeling overwhelmed.

All I will say though is that XDH always gets very focused and stressed out about his diabetes when other things are going wrong. I don't think he realises he's doing it but it's almost like a defence mechanism.

I not saying that's what you're doing but I do think it's quite common. Sometimes it means he's overly careful and worried about it, other times it means he rebels against it completely and eats and drinks things he knows will make him high.

It's like everything else is too overwhelming so he focuses on the diabetes instead if that make any sense.

He doesn't use dafne and doesn't have a pump. He doesn't even use a pen. He's very stuck in his ways and still uses standard syringes and a standard dose of slow and fast active pork insulin which he will alter by guesswork if he thinks he will be eating any more or less than is ideal.

He checks his bm about once a week if that. It's about as close to denial as you can get I think. I get really cross about it sometimes but I know it's his way of dealing with it and it's not up to me to nag him to change.

He refuses to go to the diabetic clinic because he is absolutely convinced that they haven't got a clue what they're talking about and that they just make you paranoid.

His attitude is that he has this shitty condition for life so he has to deal with it in his own way. He keeps fit, eats pretty well and never ever misses an injection but that's it. He feels like doing all the charting etc would be letting it win and allowing it to take over his life so he just refuses to even try it.

I can't say I completely agree with him but I understand where the attitude comes from and I acknowledge that it's his battle not mine so I have no right to interfere. He's a stubborn old git that's for sure!

I'm on basal/bolus injections and have done DAFNE. I think Dafne is a wonderful concept, but I think for someone with deeply in built food issues (emotional bingeing and if I'm honest, overeating just for the sake of it) it can actually be a bit of a disaster...it has fed (excuse the pun) the little voice in my head that allows me to eat junk, and too much of it. Pre-dafne I was carb counting / matching insulin on a 1:1 basis anywsy (self taught) restricting carbs to 40-50g per meal and had excellent BG and weight control. Did Dafne, was told there was no need to be so restricted (which I basically ran with!) And it all coincided with a pretty stressful time which led to me being on Anti Depressants and has just continued to spiral really.

I weaned myself off the ADs recently and want to tackle my BG and habits now, hence the idea of hypnotherapy as I feel like I'm self destructing a bit and sabotaging myself.

My DS who is 33 years old has been type 1 for 24 years. I am type 2, have been for 13 years, just gone onto insulin because of problems with Metformin on my kidneys. My DH is now type 2. My DS has learning problems as I type this I am instructing him on how to make a prawn salad sandwich so that he will not just have a packet of crisps for lunch. My life is diabetes and it can over take you. I forgot to do my injection the other night before tea as there was a lot going on, I think I am only human after all. Life, children and diabetes is not easy you can only do your best and I do wonder how the medical people would cope with it all, I have never met a Doctor who is diabetic.

I think you've pretty much summed up what my XDH's fears are regarding dafne MissKitty.

He's one of those 'if it ain't broke don't fix it' type of people so just wants to stick with what he knows.

I know you say you've weaned yourself off the ADs but are you sure you were totally ready? I mean I can completely understand why you would want to but I don't necessarily think that ADs are a bad thing.

I would say the eating issues are far more important to deal with than the ADs. Did you want to stop the ADs so you could feel like you could regain an element of control over things?

Obviously ignore me if it's too personal or you don't want to answer, I certainly don't want to pry. It's just that I can really identify with a lot of what you say.

Randall I totally understand the attitude of charting etc taking over - tbh that's how I felt when I stopped charting and recording everything - not doing it was definitely a rebellion for me. Trouble is now, I've learnt that it's definitely effective in helping me have control (even though it feels as though it's controlling me!) But it's so hard to get back in to it now.

Hello everyone ...

I'm type 1 too, for 34 years now, & have two dc, one primary school age & one pre school age. I'm on a pump, and work part time...and yes, it is flipping hard work, and yes, 'diabetes fatigue' does set in regularly!

I find it's a bit of a viscious cycle; something out of the ordinary sets sugar levels out of kilter (sleep deprivation because kids are ill / I'm ill / stress / there's a y on the end of the day ) and then my mood suffers because my levels creep (or oscillate!) and then everything seems so much harder, control slips more, mood dips more... etc. etc. etc.

It is relentless hard work at times, and often people without D just don't get it - sometimes because they see the duck smoothly going along & miss the feet flapping like mad underwater . I actually found myself musing today on whether or not I should cut up an old hi viz jacket to make a bag for my testing kit just so I can find the darn thing more easily! (I can soooo relate to stuff being moved!).

I have been having cbt to help with what sounds like similar issues to yours re the future, having had retinopathy due to my pregnancies it's hard to ignore the future possibilities, but it can help to try 'mindfulness' techniques apparently (still working on that ).

I wish I could suggest something really helpful, but other 'than put your diabetic needs first' & make the kids wait if need be (sooo much easier said than done sometimes), and not trying to do too much (likewise!) all I can say is you're not alone, I totally hear what you're saying & can totally relate to it. It's a grim time of year too, lots of unusual / tempting / high sugar / high fat foods / alcohol everywhere to throw things out of kilter, lots of rushing around & stress & changes to routine, tired whingy kids nearing the end of term (well, mine are! ) and that's just normal life...when you add additional stressors in like bereavement it's not surprising that you're feeling the strain.

Keep testing, if you do feel things are getting a bit wobbly maybe just go back to basics for a few days doing lots of tests & recording them, to see if a game of 'spot the pattern' might help. www.diabetessupport.co.uk usually has some very helpful posters who can offer their experience in similar situations in case that's any help (obs check with your doc though - pulling your appointment forward sounds a good plan!)

Anyway, enough rabbiting from me... ...hang on in there, hopefully the fatigue will lift soon.

Re the ADs, I hated taking them and I did/do feel ready to come off them... now you mention it, yes, I do think it's to do with control. Taking them was just one more thing to have to remember in the day to day which pissed me off, but also now they're gone I feel more ready/ able to address the food thing (they certainly did nothing to help my emotional eating!) and I feel in less of a 'cloud' if that makes sense? I feel more capable of thinking about things, I think. Maybe I'm kidding myself on that front, but time will tell!

I was diagnosed in late 20s. Early 30s now. Have two DCs under two. It's absolutely too much to cope with. The whole 'mix' has caused me to have MAJOR anxiety issues that are showing no signs of relenting. You have my sympathies - and MrsKitty. It's shit. I too get really guilty about throwing stuff into my gob (as is the way when you have DCs), making poor choices etc.

I feel generally very unhealthy and not the vibrant young woman I should be. I'm sure the diabetes doesn't help. I also suffer very bad health anxiety - again compounded by the diabetes.