*Tamoxigang Christmas Party* - 45

[Tiny100]

Morning All!

We're nearly in December, so let's get the festivities started.

[adds mince pies to the trolley]

I know. I still have a full head of greying hair so should really carry on. Will just see how t goes tomorrow ... And yes kitkat that nauseous feeling bleugh

malt I am dozy as hell, what op are you having?

And Gigs how lovely for you to see pigeons

I'm having a node clearance on Monday nervous about the op and if I have to stay in never spent the night in hospital before and also nervous of coming home with drains. More worried about the results though and how many are affected as if lots they will have to do further checks for spread

Glad you got to see pigeons gigs

Gigs - i lost lots but still had enough that if I wore a small bandana it looked like I had all my hair. Funilly enough i didn't cold cap for 2nd lot of chemo and still have a fair covering - mind you I also have eyebrows and eye lashes so maybe my hair is tough!!

oh Malt I didn't realise you may have to have further tests - will keep my fingers crossed for you as you don't want any bad news at this point. (Most of us seem to go through the scan anxiety up front but you do seem to be doing your own thing!!).

Yes think my hospital is unique !

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Now to go and calm down! Sorry all, needed to do that! Xxxx

Are you ok really

What's up really hope it's nothing too bad
Would wine help ? Or a cuppa and a chocolate biscuit ? X

Hope you're ok really, that yell sounded cross! This cold has really hit me, I feel seriously shite but on anti+bs anyway, and temp is ok.
I got some cap things from anna bandana today, pleased with them.
Hope you're feeling ok pre-op malts.

Sorry ladies! Wasn't a good end to my day. Been doing my best at work (so I thought) tried my best to work appointments round work, giving as much notice as I could ect! For example tomorrow after seeing Oncologist and having line fitted I will go straight back to work.

Today my charge is playing on the iPad while I made their supper. He came in and told me it was wrong! He had gone into my bosses emails and as I go to switch it back to his game, I see the sentence 'that is so annoying of really' and the thing that was so annoying! I have asked to go down to a 4 day week!! I thought considering what the f**k I'm going through that wasn't so much to ask!

Just feeling like a failure and that I'm letting them down, when I am trying my hardest to keep things normal for them and the children! They have been so good saying they will do what they can to help, but now I just feel that what they say to my face isn't what they are really thinking

Feel free to tell me that I am totally overreacting!

It was great to see gigs too especially looking so well on it, I am sure I didn't look as well on chemo. But please do warn big gigs he is a player! complete tart, in fact was that the beginnings of a bromance with Mr gigs? Also I think there is definitely mileage in threatening little gigs with a night in goondogs kennel when she next tries the nighttime partying.....

Oh really I think you have to remember that was not meant for your eyes. I always appreciated that my Nannies were human beings and enabled me to work but that doesn't stop it being frustrating that sometimes you have two sets of human needs and responsibilities sabotaging your ability to do your job on the same playing field as single colleagues or those with a SAHP. In fact the email may have been a defence against a work colleague who didn't understand what your boss has to accommodate in terms of child care responsibilities, let alone your needs. It is also a added worry to have to work up arrangements that cover every eventuality. The important thing is to keep the lines of communication open. It is of course entirely reasonable for you to pace yourself, and from what you have said you have been more than accommodating of their needs, so make sure you discuss it all fully and then just carry on as agreed.

No your not over reacting. I think you are doing well to carry on working at all. I know I am working but its only 4 hours a day from home, and my bcn wasn't even that keen on me doing that.

Do you have to work? I think you said you preferred to work? Maybe it's time for a frank and open talk with them.

Maybe it's not you that's annoying, but them trying to work round the disruption, its sounds selfish to me but perhaps they were just venting.

Really that would have annoyed me too especially when you are doing well to be carrying on with work at all
However I know you've said before that you get on well with them and if you only saw a bit of the e mail is it possible that you've taken it out of context ? What are you going to do, mention it or leave it ?

Thanks for hair stories. Was lovely to see pigeons and you are right that mr gigs was a big fan (most of the can we have a dog talk from him not big gigs). I think goondog would herdlook after mini most carefully in the kennel .

Really -pigeons speaks a lot of sense especially about the not for your eyes. Fwiw it's hard as a mb as you want to do right thing as an employer but it's emotive at times as you are so reliant on one person for childcare. Try to put it to one side and focus on tomorrow.

If it's really still bugging you , then maybe sit down again and clear the air about expectations on both sides . You don't need this nagging at you now.

Also I know you love your charges but do you have to work? I know you wanted to but as chemo kicks in ,maybe think on what's best for you (remember you have legal protection with cancer). What you don't need is any stress at all lovely.

I say this as I was on the other side last chemo-our last nanny kept crying on me or getting upset that " I hated her "or she could do nothing right" (one memorable time when I had crept Into kitchen to get tea feeling like shit as avoided kitchen if she was In it hence why I ended up seeing a dietician). She resigned before we had to think about getting rid.

She was a good nanny so still see her but looking back should have acted quicker before relationship got to place it dud.

Thanks ladies for all the comments. In answer to one question yes I do need to work! Surviving on SSP isn't really an option! Plus I would have to move home with my parents and change hospitals etc etc all stuff that I would rather avoid IF I can.

I think the problem is I have NEVER asked for time off or not been able to cover all the extra hours they have asked me to do! Although I still cover their extra now, so I know I am not letting them down! I think I was just shocked that they could say that, especially when I am trying so hard! I would happily have treatment on a weekend, so it didn't affect them. But obviously that isn't an option.

I know what you mean about that not being something I should of seen, and that I didn't read it all so I don't know what context it was written. I think I was really angry because I was also tired and worried about todays appointment. I still have a cough and slight cold, and now I am worried that IF I'm not well enough for next dose, that will cause more issues!! Oh well will keep my fingers crossed.

I can only do my best, and I'm sure if they were really annoyed with me then they would tell me I need to take sick leave! I did tell them right at the start that if me working made their lives harder they only had to say.

Let's hope today is a calmer day! Thanks xxxxx

Really- you have been as straight as you can so cant do more. And if you have heard nothing sounds like they are just letting off steam and you will be ok.

Hope cold gets better but I think you will be ok if temp etc ok - it's bloods will look at which shouldn't be bad if no fever and you aren't really ill.

Anyone working past a cancer diagnosis has my huge unfailing and lasting respect. I stopped work very soon. What's more my husband (self employed, but still) has virtually not done a stroke either. Not such a good idea, that.

really that would have upset me too, even if completely fit and well, and it's much harder to cope with stuff when not 100%. It could be good to sit down with them and talk through all the stuff you're going through as it sounds like they haven't fully understood or appreciated how lucky they are. Working parents can sometimes be selfish and focused on their own needs because they're feeling busy and hassled (describing myself here, not anyone else!). I've always been a much better employer when I've taken the time to listen to what someone is facing in their own life.

Really - I am another one who is amazed that you have been able to continue work (I know I am but I'm another WFH person) but I agree with Gigs that childcare is such an emotive subject. I had a nanny(s) for years and nanny reliability was a continuous concern but the relationship is so different to any other employee/employer relationship.

I am another one who was guilty of not discussing things early enough but it is really hard. It may be that your employers are just worried about you will manage - I expect they have little knowledge of chemo etc.

grrr..... my itchy rash is getting worse and now covers all my legs plus my hands and wrists. So popped in to see chemo nurse to ask if it chemo related and she said maybe not so see your GP -just got an appt for 8th Jan - yes that's right I am slowly getting covered in the most infuriating rash and I can see someone in a month. Anyway I took the appt (to be bloody minded and in case I do need to see a Dr in Jan ).

Thank goodness my treatment has all been private as I'd have no luck otherwise. (BTW - I am on various other meds recently prescribed by GP that have itchy rash as a side-effect so it could be casued by something other than chemo).
I am so infuriated as in 6 months of treatment I have been 'allowed' to see the GP once - the cancer, diabetes and high BP are not serious enough to get an appt apparently. Although last time the receptionist asked if she could help me .

Kitkat sorry about your rash, that's shocking about your gp appointment ! Here you ring in the morning and get an appointment the same day no questions asked

I've been for my pre op this afternoon, heart rate was slightly high but she said that be because I was anxious. Weight was very high but she said not to worry have a good Christmas then try and eat healthily after that. If my op is early on Monday and everything goes ok then hopefully I can come home that day
Talked about the drain and she said I could shower which I didn't realise.

Hope everyone's having a good day, gigs have you bought a dog yet ?!
Really hope work was ok today

well done Malt - good news that you might be home the same day. Are you likely to have to start Rads before Xmas or will that be something for January?

Thanks Kitkat I think it will be January as they said they like you to be completely healed first

Evening all,

Kitkat, that appt in January s jst a joke. You need to call back tomorrow and say you need an urgent appt as a possible side effect of cancer.

My.chemo today was horrid. Cold cap horrid. Came home and went straight to bed. Only one more thank goodness.

Hi all

What a day saw oncologist 'dishy doc' and actually went in early!! That shocked me! He was very sweet and we had a good chat. Then he spoilt it by telling me that I would have dose 3 either just before Christmas or just after Chemo nurse had said they would avoid the Christmas week! So now I really don't know what's going to happen!

Sadly the day went downhill from there! I went on to see the nurse about having my PICC line fitted. So first step is they need to find the nurse?? So I sit and wait in the day room for half an hour! Then I get called in. I read leaflet, have blood pressure and temp done. Then I lie on the bed. Nurse goes to get the ultrasound machine! It's being used elsewhere. 30mins later, she finally comes back, and leaves me with a male nurse. Nice chap! Told me what to expect! Then........

Goodness knows how many attempts it took, but 1.5hrs later, he decides that the line won't go in my arm was soooooooo sore and bruised. He said I had a couple of good veins but for some reason the line wouldn't go in. He said I could have some lunch and a drink and then he could try again, or we could try again in the morning before my next dose of Chemo.

So tomorrow morning I have to go though all that again before dose 2 of the Chemo I wasn't bothered about going in for the Chemo, but the thought of him doing that again on top of an already sore arm, isn't making me feel relaxed

As for yesterdays issues. I have asked my bosses to tell me what would suit them best! If they want me to stop working because it's too much hassle then they only have to say. They immediately said no that's not what they want. So we are going to sit and chat one evening next week.

So that's my rubbish day!

kitkat sorry to hear about your rash. That sounds awful. Hope you get it sorted soon.

foofoo sorry to hear you are feeling rough! But just one to go is definitely the best way of looking at it!

malt glad your pre op went well. I'd love to meet someone whose heart rate doesn't rise when they go into hospital

Hope everyone has a pleasant evening xxxx