Help advice about husbands health needed

[bkgirl]

Hello, I really need some advice. My husband is 49, a graphic designer and of light build, his diet is normally healthy but admittedly he doesn't overeat. He smoked until the past week and loved coffee.He has been losing weight and muscle tone for some time and weighed 9 stone 7 last Wednesday. This has terribly upset him and he suspects that he has some dreadful disease. He went to the doctor who had him tested for diabetes (fasting test) blood count, thyroid, some sort of test for inflamation,and other things plus a chest xray etc - all tests have come back normal.
He also has said he has tingling in his arms. I told him that was probably to do with his long hours at a computer. He has had a problem with hemorrhoids (has been give suppositories) and we are waiting on an appointment for a colonoscopy.

He is worried he may have ms or cancer. I cannot tell you how upset he is and has not been able to work. He bitterly regrets smoking (and is not tempted to start again).

Today I took him to a hypnotist but frankly - he is still every bit as upset. The doctor hasn't been able to reassure him either. He is totally convinced there is something wrong and every time he meets someone he hasn't seen in a while they tell him he looks awful and looks gaunt. It's now Saturday and despite me getting him to eat extremely well calorifically he is only 9 stone 9lbs.

What can we do - is there a safe build up muscle/put on weight drink you can have? We have a 10 year old and a 13 year old who I do not want to see their dad having what appears to be a breakdown. Help. :(

This sounds like health anxiety to me. Sorry if that sounds self evident, given his concern, but health anxiety is a specific problem really, and some of us have it to a greater or lesser extent. It's really horrid when it gets a grip because nothing is going to satisfy you, even the GP telling you there is nothing seriously wrong. Has he ever had this kind of anxiety in the past?

Re: his weight - what is his "normal" weight, and how much has he lost. However he has gained 2lbs in a few days! I think if you have cancer you lose and lose and lose...........how does he actually feel (apart from the health anxiety) - does he feel ill?

The other thing is if you don't mind my saying you seem to be sort of joining him in the anxiety and this I think will make him worse. You seem to be in a minor state of panic e.g. "taking him to a hypnotist" and not sure what you expected from a hypnotist? Is the colonoscopy he is awaiting another test the GP has organised? IF a GP suspects cancer they have to refer you to a Rapid Access Clinic (and you are seen within 2 weeks)

Having said all this, GPs do make mistakes. If he continues to worry after all the tests it might be better to see another GP or he could pay to see a specialist (you don't have to be referred by GP if you pay) but he would have no idea what sort of specialist he needed to see, so I think the best thing is to wait until the result of all the tests. In the meantime I think you can best help him by trying to remain calm and whilst not dismissing his concerns, don't "join him" if you see what I mean. Also I would say don't try feeding him up, as this will mean he will worry more if he makes a connection between his intake of food and his weight - and finally don't let him keep weighing himself!

Thank you so much NanaNina. He feels nauseous but then his stress is off the richter scale. The colonoscopy was ordered by the doctor. He has seen 2 in a week and as one said "wait for the results of the colonoscopy but really your results are normal. There are only so many ways to say it." I think the GP service was excellent (thank god for them!). I arranged the hypnotist on his request and was trying to solve the problem by getting him to put weight on - then he would realise he is ok. I totally take your point - I have indeed been reinforcing/feeding his concerns by over stressing his food intake. Thanks so much for your advice, I really appreciate it. I am going to drag him off the sofa (he is lying down, tearful) and get him out for a fast walk.

Agree. Sounds like severe anxiety. My FIL has this and is seeing numerous specialists at several hospitals. He's 85 ffs! Convinced he needs thorough investigation and that the drs are very concerned about him. Has also lost a lot of weight and doesn't feel hungry. He's even moved surgery to one just along the road and goes several times a week!

Of course serious illness needs to be excluded but I do suggest going to the GP together and considering counselling and medication.

Lying on the sofa in tears is very worrying. He's unwell but not the way he thinks.

Could you use the my fitness pal to ensure he is eating enough calories?
Most of us use it as a weight loss tool but essentially you put everything you eat and drink in and it counts your calorie and nutrients.
Focus on a healthy diet and lifestyle - I hope you got him out for that walk.
It is difficult to eat enough if you are very anxious but maybe mfp (app on phone or website on PC) would help him to see that there is a simple reason for losing weight and looking poorly.
I hope there is nothin seriously wrong and that he can turn a corner soon

Has he actually lost weight? If he has and there is no other explanation then he probably does need some form of investigation, particularly if he is a smoker. Does he have any other symptoms?

Let me tell you a story. Show it to your dp - it may help him.

About 4 years ago I started to feel unwell and noticed that the whites of my eyes had gone yellow and murky. When I tried to explain to my family how I felt all I could say was that I had the opposite feeling to that of 'well being'. I was exhausted but at the same time had a feeling of unpleasant energy (I now know it was fear) coursing through my body day and night. My legs felt weak. I was nauseated. I had watery diarrhoea every day for weeks. I started to lose weight - about 20 lbs in 4 weeks. A battery of tests through up nothing worse than a slightly off thyroid and a benign inherited condition called Gilbert's.

After all the tests had come back my GP prescribed antidepressants, which I felt incredibly dubious about taking. In my view I wasn't depressed, I was ill. Or if I was depressed I was depressed because I was ill.

but I took the AD's anyway because by that point I wasn't coping at all. And what do you know - within 5 weeks all my symptoms including the weak legs, nausea, weight loss, jaundice and diarrhoea had resolved. Because what was actually happening was that my depression and health anxiety had made me physically ill, and once I'd got my anxiety under control my body was able to start to heal itself.

Please don't underestimate how profoundly ill anxiety can make someone and how easy it is to get into a downward spiral of fear and malaise.

I really hope your husband feels better soon.

Thanks to all. He came out for the walk and had a full dinner and is now watching I'm a celeb.....I guess his terrors will return when he goes to bed (again) but for these few hours, it's lovely to see him appear normal. Hopefully he will regain weight in the next week - it would do wonders I am sure.
I really appreciate that you all have taken time to answer, I have re-read everything several times and you have given me a real sense that we can deal with it.
Seriously, thank you.