Ds1(15) just been diagnosed with anorexia :(

[Kenworthington]

It's been a long time coming (the dx I mean), it's taken a hold over a couple of years. I'm losing my lovely happy boy to this horrible illness. He looks tired, grey and depressed, he's snappy and irritable with everyone at home. This time he has asked for help and said he's unwell. Gp and Camhs have reacted quickly whixh is a great start. He is 6'3 ish and weighs just over 9 stone with a bmi of 17. His self esteem is rock bottom yet he's popular, gorgeous, funny, talented and super clever. It's come back with a vengeance at the start of his GCSE years with the pressure he's putting on himself to succeed.
Now waiting for appt at hospital with eating disorder doxtor then family therapy.

Feeling a bit overwhelmed with the journey ahead of us now. No idea why I'm posting about this really just wanted to get it out I think. Just feeling helpless and sad

No experience but sounds positive that he is seeking help and they are stepping p to help him. It's ok to be sad. Good luck with his recovery

It's good that he's asked for help, most anorexics don't admit there's a problem. I was diagnosed at 18 and am okay now if that's any help, you sound lovely and supportive, I'm sure he'll come through it.

I was anorexic at around 17-19. I didn't have any help at the time and suffered all sorts of eating issues till I asked for help at 26.

I'm now over weight :( Although I was a healthy weight for 4 years before becoming pregnant.

It's good that your DS is getting help. It's hard going but you'll all get there.

Thank you all sorry to hear of others suffering but great you are now better. A good friend of mine was bulimic as a teenager and she is nearly 40 now and says she will always be weird about food, she really resisted help though so maybe ds will be fine. He's beem all depressed since we came home amd has now gone out now (for a run )

The only advice I can give is that dealing with AN is like looking glass land...so you have got to try and avoid putting any sort of pressure on him to eat, and instead focus your hardest on how he is feeling, inside, not on the external symptoms of that.

Very hard to do but it will get better results, it is very counter intuitive.

Good luck xx

Its great that he is getting, even asking for, help. Denial usually comes hand-in-hand with this awful illness so that's a positive sign. It sounds like he's got a supportive loving Mum and that will help too.

Often anorexia comes with feelings of inadequacy and a sense of not being enough just as you are. Perhaps because he is super clever his sense of self-worth has come through his achievements.

Speaking from my experience, I would say someone just to listen would be have been invaluable. For me the illness was an expression of what was going on in my head and no-one ever asked me this. the focus was (understandably) just getting the food into my mouth and the pressure became unbearable and perhaps made me feel even more worthless. It would have been helpful to have some fun time away from food or the pressures of eating where my parents and I could try to keep the relationship

I am sure you do, and have done, but try to listen and perhaps arrange Counselling if he's happy to do this.

I had the illness from 14 to 18 but as soon as the issues were resolved (for me it was leaving home!) I recovered quickly and completely. Now 20 years on (gulp) I have no problems with food at all and have maintained a healthy weight and hope I'm passing healthy food habits on to my dc.

Its an awful illness for everyone so look after yourself too. Here's a hand to hold. Ask whatever you want and I'll try to answer as best I can.

Obviously experiences vary widely but he can and highly probably will recover completely.

He has asked for help which is amazing. Admitting to yourself you have a problem is a major step. Next he has to decide that he wants to get well. And then take steps to do so, which is the hardest part. You can want something but not want to do what it takes to get there.
I really feel for you as the parent and don't know how best to deal with it. I'm sure you'll all rally round but does he have someone he can talk to outside the family? When I was in his situation I ended up confiding in an adult friend who I didn't even know that well but who confronted me and caught me off guard. For some reason I couldn't speak to my mother about it, even though she was and is an absolute saint and I have no criticism of her then or now. I think maybe she was just too close and I knew how much I was hurting her. This may not be at all relevant to for DS tho
Like others I came out fine. Healthy eating habits etc., though it did take me a long time (I was never treated though)

I think I'm a bit scared of the family therapy/counselling, maybe I'm scared what he's goin to say and that it's somehow our fault. I am so so proud of him coming to me asking for help. He's so lovely I just wish he could see it.

Good idea to do fun stuff that doesn't involve food. Will try to think of something. Although he does weirdly LOVE good shopping. Doesn't eat any of it but he likes choosing it

I doubt it can be 'your fault'. Apart from the fact that you sound lovely it will be much more complex

Hang in there. The fact he has asked for help is GOOD. He still has insight .
My DD1 developed anorexia during her first year at Uni ..she was homesick, stressed and when life felt out of her control she turned to the one thing she could. She was 5 stone 9 (at 5 ft 9) when she came home that first summer.

However..there IS support out there. Of all the stuff she was offered, the most helpful for her was CBT (we paid privately) and antidepressants...which took the edge of her anxiety. The combination helped a lot.

It was a hideous summer. Many tears on all sides. BUT when she went back to uni, the Eating disorder people there continued to help and now..3 years later, she is in her 4thyear of med school, and more importantly, she is happy again.

No her attitude towards food isn't normal. She is a slim but ok weight and she has a lot of days when she hates her body and herself, but gradually they are being outnumbered by the good days. The antidepressants are to stay and they make a big difference.

If you'd asked my 5 years ago which of my four children was likely t develop an eating disorder, she would have been last in my list.. confident, very bright, popular, and in a loving supportive family. But it still happened. The struggle is often internal not external.

Hang in there. I really hope your son (and you too ) get support. He CAN beat it xx

Don't be scared of the counselling. Its not your fault. Its much more likely to be something internal and very very complex. Even years on I don't know what caused mine. I know there were various factors but definitely no one thing.

The fact he's come to you to ask for help is a good indicator of how good your relationship is with him.

Please don't blame yourself. Sometimes we can do everything right and shit just happens.

Loving food shopping and cooking is quite common. All linked to obsession/ dread of food. It's really complex and family therapy whilst tough can be so helpful for all.

Wishing you all the very best.

Thank you all for your support and advice. I am reading and taking it all in. Feel a little bit in limbo waiting to hear back from hospital now. Xx