Aw tiredpooky :(
A few things to remember: (I know you know all this but when we are lost in a fog of not so good, a quick recap can be helpful :) )
You are a goddess. That body of yours produced two amazing children.
There is absolutely nothing to be ashamed about. There is nobody on this planet who doesn't poo and wee, not even the most rich, famous or posh :) It is as biological as eating or sleeping. If you had a sleeping issue, or a food allergy issue, there would be no shame. Likewise you should try to think of poo and wee as just another necessary function as eating or sleeping. We eat, we sleep, we poo :) ALL of us.
Getting a second (or third or fourth) opinion is absolutely vital. Keep going until you have found a solution you are happy with. Different consultants/surgeons have different knowledge/experience/expertise to apply, they are not all one and the same.
I am sure your DH wouldn't want you to be suffering like this on your own. If you find raising the topic difficult, you could even write a few lines down in a note and ask him to read it whilst you go and do something else. How you communicate, or the level that you go to, doesn't really matter, it's just about finding a way of letting him into your world so he has an understanding of what you are dealing with right now. Either he won't need the detail, or you won't feel the need to share the detail, or the detail would come up naturally (for example if you had an operation in the future) by which point it would not be a new topic for either of you so would seem quite natural to discuss it in the same way as any other operation.
But please, remember that this matter doesn't make you ANY LESS of a woman, any less desirable, or any less gorgeous. You are still the same woman as before. You have something that needs some attention, sure, but it does not define you as a person, or a wife. And once again (I will say it again) there is nothing to be ashamed of. Hey, we eat, we sleep, we poo :) :)