Orgasms post-birth?

[mummycat0]

I've basically got nowhere/no one to ask about this, anyone else stopped getting orgasms post childbirth? I'm talking no DC in the room, wonderful DH doing everything he can to please me but still nothing. It's been almost two years and I'm quite frustrated.

FWIW I did have a traumatic birth and a 3rd degree tear that has taken ages to 'heal' so it might be psychological. I honestly have no clue what to do, and it's not doing me or my marriage any favours despite DH being very understanding. Any advice appreciated!

Don't have expert advice but didn't want to read and run as I had a sort of similar problem pre-dc. Sex painful, only orgasm in specific non penetrative ways and when in exactly right frame of mind.

I found my GP very helpful, admittedly it may be because i broke down and cried in an appointment. She referred me to a gynae specialist who was also helpful. In the end I think childbirth helped me, but I understand how upsetting this can be and wanted to offer a hand to hold while waiting for others with advice. ( who have probably posted by now as I am slow on this darn iPad.)

Can you do it yourself? Tmi... When I do it myself and then get oh to go down on me gently, it's amazing. I have psychological issues around control/letting go, but that seems to be a good combo for me.

Thanks blossombath, I do feel on the verge of tears sometimes We are a young couple, and I feel it might be the end of our sex life.

No Ehhn, I have tried! I don't know if it's got anything to do with hormones tbh as I'm still bf.

I think maybe you need to spend a bit of time with yourself. No kids about.. After some relaxing time and a bit of lube. You must know know what sort of stuff turns you on.

No pressure on yourself and take as long as you need. It's there somewhere.

This isn't the end of your sex life.. putting pressure on yourself is a certainty it won't happen.

Well if you're a young couple and your child is still so young then it means you have plenty of time ahead to enjoy your sex lives in whatever form you find that works.

(Sorry if that sounds glib or insensitive, just trying to give a positive spin, though i know it can feel like youre being cheated of something. )

Have you spoken to a gp?

Another thought, have you had any counselling or similar about the birth trauma?

I know gamerchick, I can be a bit fatalistic in this regard. I really have tried though.

No I haven't seen a gp blossombath, I honestly don't know what I'd say! I have been failed by the system many a time and would be very upset if not taken seriously or sent away and told to try harder.

Do you enjoy sex, apart from lack of orgasm? I still find ot helps to take away the expectation of an orgasm, which makes me feel pressure, and just focus on my enjoyment, the sensations etc.

Appreciate its hard to stop thinking about the orgasm when you are worried you'll never get it back.

I do, but as you say it's hard not to think about and it always feels like something is missing as DH and I had a thriving sex life pre dc. It also causes a lot of disappointment iykwim. I can't tell if it's physical or psychological and I'm scared of having my troubles undermined by gp.

Sorry didnt see last post re GP.

Again sorry am not an expert but do Relate or similar organisations offer sex counselling, if you don't want to go down nhs route?

How do you feel apart from this? If you're depressed, anxious, or stressed that won't help. I'd definitely recommend time for you alone to relax, exercise, see friends etx, as well as couple time.

Again sorry took me so long to type on phone I missed your post.

Totally know what you mean about disappointment I used.to cry aftet sex sometimes and feel used even though dh tried to please me and was upset too.

It might be psychological, but it might also be physical. Could it be there was some damage to nerve endings during the birth that is taking time to heal? Also, hormonal changes can affect the ability to have an orgasm. I would suggest a visit to the GP to rule out these issues - if the GP tries to fob you off, ask for a referral to a gynaecologist.

I don't know tbh but don't think we can afford to take this private. I suppose I'm just an average stressed/chronically tired mummy to a wild toddler! I guess this leaves me with working up the courage to see gp then and hope they won't be dismissive. Was your consultant referral any help? Thank you ever so much for the chat.x

How long ago is it since you last gave birth? It could be a question of giving it some more time. Probably some of it is psychological, too - there's nothing like putting pressure on yourself to put a stop on it!

Try lube, try yourself, try a vibe, try your DH going down on you. Try not having any sex at all for a couple of weeks - hugs and kisses, but nothing more. Also consider the time of the month - it can be far easier to reach orgasm at some points in your cycle than others (if you're not using hormonal contraception), and what might have been normal for you before you were pregnant may not be the same normal for you now. Things do change over the years, even without a pregnancy.

If it still doesn't work, then go and talk to your GP to see if there are any physical problems. But do try not to put too much pressure on yourself. (I know, easier said than done!)

Thanks Ebearhug, it's been over a year. We have been experimenting a lot but so far nothing has worked so I'm starting to think something needs to be done.

I was hoping someone would come along and tell me they've had the same experience and that they'd managed to sort it out.

It's clearly causing you concern, so why not just get on to the GP to make an appointment so you can at least rule out (or treat) any physical issues.

I think that's probably what I should do, I wasn't keen on it though as I explained above. Thanks a lot for listening.x