Stress, depressed or just normal life?

[Magicpinkshadow]

Hi I am a newbie on here, I am hoping to get a bit of perspective on what is 'normal' and hope someone can help.

Bit of back ground, I have 4 children 3ds and 1dd, my eldest ds 10 has ADHD and is not medicated as I have calmed down some of his symptoms with his diet and routine/discipline. My 2ds is 6 and has bowel issues still not sure what it is, but soils frequently and still wets the bed so is in pull ups every night as is my 3ds 5 years, and my dd is 2.5. My partner works long hours and I work 3 evenings a week.

I am living in a 2 bed HA house and trying to move to a 3 bed through an exchange and also on the council bidding system. I can't afford private rent and definitely can't afford to buy somewhere.

I am so tired all of the time, always stressed with the kids (shout a lot ) forever drowning under a sea of housework, my memory is suffering as I often forget things, just feel like I can't cope and that I want to runaway but put on a brave face for the sake of the kids. Even when the kids are at school I still feel totally stressed out.

My partner is not much help as when I have tried to talk to him he only half listens as says well what do you expect we have 4 kids of course is going to be hard! When he is at home of a weekend he will often lose himself in football/ formula 1 or even the news and can block out the world around him.

Health wise my hair is falling out, I'm getting more and more headaches and I feel tense and unable to relax. I have trouble sleeping even tho I am so tired and when I do fall asleep my dd climbs into bed with me usual between 2-3 am (she is still I'm my room as there is no room anywhere else, so finding it hard to break the habit) and my boys are up at 5.30 a 6 am everyday.

Does everyone go through this and feel this bad, am I being a wimp for not coping?

Sorry for the long post and thank you if you made it to the end!

It sounds like you are massively stressed, and I am not surprised, you have an awful lot to cope with. It sounds like you are doing it all on your own as well. Does your partner help at all? Do you get any down time to do your own thing?

I think a trip to your GP would be a good idea, but also a serious chat with your partner about making sure you both have the same amount of time out to recharge.

Hi thank you for your reply, I don't really get much down time only when the kids have gone to bed usually by 8 all goes quiet. My partner only really helps out when I'm shouting at the kids or banging and slamming cupboards although he will semi tidy the kitchen when he gets in but then say 'what have you done all day?

Any idea what would the drs do or say as i feel silly going and telling them that I can't cope?

Four children? A wimp? I should say not!
You are a complete hero, bringing up a lovely family, but it may be some time before you see that!
Ease up! You've done fabulously to help DS1 with diet and routine. DS2 will grow out of the toilet problems, I promise. He is still very young. I had that with DS2. My take, years later is that he just slept very deeply, so you just have to make things as comfy for yours as poss and if that means night nappies, then so be it.
A friendly therapist once said to me "Never compare yourself to other people", so if you ever aspire to be that perfect mum, knock it on the head and be the "good enough" mum, and give yourself a break!
Men are much better than us at taking time off and that is why DP can immerse himself in a football match. I don't know why that happens. It just does!

You poor thing. A trip to the gp would be a good idea- sounds like you are running on empty.
Is there a children's centre or HIV who could offer some support? Can you make a bit of time for a coffee with a friend?

Sounds stressful. A GP would probably give you antidepressants.

Do you enjoy working 3 evenings a week? If not, can you give it up?

Other than that, I would highly recommend FlyLady as a way to get on top of everything. I think that would help hugely.

You do sound stressed and overwhelmed. Trip to GP, ask HV for support, serious sit down with your DH about pulling his weight for starters.

Not sure there is much you can do regarding housing other than keep trying. Is moving a possibility? To a cheaper area? So you don't have to work? Nearer family support?

Are you eating well? Lack of good nutrition can impact on your well being. Maybe a vitamin supplement?

I do think four children, some with health issues, in overcrowded housing with unsupportive DH would make anyone feel stressed.