feeling awful, is it still the menopause?

[triplets]

Hi,
I am hoping for some feedback on this as I am beginning to wonder what is happening to me! Those of you who know me will know that I lost Matthew my then only child in 1994, he collapsed in my garden and died instantly, no medical explanation ever found. After two years of hell in which my periods suddenly became almost non existant, I started the long road to ivf, three attempts later using a donor on the third try I concieved and then at 32 weeks gave birth to triplets, two boys and a girl..........utterly unbelievable, I was 46! Then three years ago my beloved father was diagnosed out of the blue with cancer, he never looked ill, and he died two weeks later, it was so awful. It is now over four years since I have had a period, I do still get hot flushes in bed at night. In the last six months I have had almost daily dizzy spells and palpatations, twice bad enough to be sent to the hospital and stuck on an ecg. I have had nine blood tests done, everything comes back normal, so what is wrong with me? Last Frid in desperation I went in to Holland and Barret and found myself pouring out all the last ten years to the assistant, her instant opinion was a ten year build up of stress. Yes, life with my three is extrememly stressful, at now almost 52 with three six year old life is very very hard. The loss of Matthew is with me every day, I have been told to let go, I don`t understand how to do that. Anyway she recommended some supplements which cost me an arm and a leg which I have been on since last Frid, St Johns Wort and vitamin B2, I am not sure if they are having an effect yet, probably too early, though today I do feel more positive about things. Is there anybody out there who can identify with these feelings?

Oh dear, no replies, am I so much older than the rest of you Mums, is no-one else out there going through a menopause?

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This sounds like panic for sure.I suffered for years and at times still do.Get help/There are some excellent books

I'm not going through menopause so have no real experience of what to expect or not but i wanted to let you know that what you have been through sounds absolutely devastating - more than enough to create those kind of symptoms and i'd agree with the H and B assistant, probably a real build up of stress and loss. Whoever is telling you to 'let go' is probably well-meaning and maybe right, but working out how to do that is another matter, especially with 6 year old triplets who are bound to be demanding of your time etc - where is the space for you at the moment!

Have you got a GP who you can talk to about this? You may be having menopause which could explain dizzyness etc, but it may also be helpful to have some support in dealing with the loss of Matthew and your father. I think st johns wort can be good at easing anxiety/stress etc but have you tried counselling etc too? Your GP should be able to refer you to someone if you think this might help.

Best wishes and thinking of you........xx

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Gosh, thank you all. I am soooooooo tired today as Rebecca has been up most of the night with a sickness bug and had just clung to me all day, I am sneeking 5 mins on here as the twp boys are at a birthday party which of course Becca has had to miss. We had two friends here last night for supper so a late night and not much sleep, sure you all know that feeling! Despite that though I think the herbal remedies are kicking in, feeling 50% better and more positive. Will keep you posted, thank you all for your hugs and support, you are brilliant!

My mum is going through the change, she was recommeneded some kind of clover supplement, may be red clover. Ask again at H & B or try googling as this is how mum got a lot of info, also much cheaper to buy in bulk online.
Mum has been going through hot flushes etc for a few years, and says they come and go.
HTH.XX

triplets, I am 52 too and the thought of living with 3 6-yr-olds makes me feel faint, never mind all the other pressures on you!

The hot flushes are definitely hormonal. My menopause started with a bang at nearly 50 because I was on chemotherapy and the first dose knocked my ovaries out, I didn't mind too much as had been having awful heavy periods but the hot flushes - day and night - were v uncomfortable. I can't have HRT but my GP prescribed progesterone tablets instead, they worked very well, you could try them? There is also a natural remedy called black something (begins with h), I'll google for it in a bit - also a friend of mine eats linseed which is another natural hormone product.

I do get occasional palpitations too, don't know if they are menopausal or not. Dizzy spells can be a symptom of low blood pressure, do you know what yours is?

As far as Matthew and your father are concerned, you are never going to "get over" them, or "let go" of Matthew - why should you, he will always be with you, ignore anyone who says you should - but as your triplets get older and less demanding you will have more time to yourself and maybe be better able to deal with those emotions.

Hugs from me too - you must be a terrific woman!

Hi Triplets! I was thinking about you the other day, glad to see you're still about!
Sorry no answers on the Menopause, but wouldn't surprise me if your symptoms were still part of it -- seems like pregnancy, "anything" goes.

Have a look at phytoestrogens - includes your red clover - also the link on the left to "other natural remedies", black cohosh is what I was thinking of.

Go to your doctor. You are bang on the average age for the menopause and a short term course of HRT may help you with your extreme symptoms. I thoroughly recommend a good multivitamin like Menopace and herbal treatments too. Also, have you ever had counselling about your loss? It may help you let go - not of Matthew and your wonderful memories - but of your urgent and awful grief. My stepdaughter was six when I met her and 12 now - life will get dramatically easier as your children get older. My stepdaughter loves to watch TV and read and visit museums! Hope you feel better soon.

Good morning everyone! Thank you all for your mesages, its such a lift to come on here and see them, support is one of the most precious gifts going. Hello Zebra, thank you for thinking about me. I feel that the way I feel about Matthews death will not change now, its 10 years this June, sometimes its like yesterday and sometimes its such a very very long time ago, a very long time since I heard his key in the door at just turned 4pm and heard him say, "Hi Mum its only me". How many times do I walk down the street, see him in my head and without realizing say out loud, "I don`t believe this has happened to me". The pain of losing him is totally undescribable, the awful sadness which seems to squeeze my heart every day is part of my life now, wherever I go what ever I do. Of course I am so lucky to have Rebecca, Thomas and James, but I want them all, here. As for councelling Cruise were dreadful, this woman came and said she knew exactly how I was feeling as she had recently lost her father, I was sorry for her but there is no comparison. That is why I have coped with losing my Dad, I love him so much but its acceptable and I also feel that wherever he is he is now with Matthew. The biggest help I had and still do is with The Compassionate Friends, we are there because we have all lost a child or in some most terrible cases more than one. Will have to go as Becca has just come down and is still complaining of tummy ache, out with the bucket quick!