Dh's friend is buried tomorrow and i am worried about him

[WellKnownMemorablePeachyClair]

As you may or may not know, Dh ahs a history of very severe depression (suicide bid level) int he past but has been clear for a while now, 18 months I think or thereabouts. But lately he's had problems at work, and although we got them sorted his manager took it as a personal affront and givves him long shifts with no one to help. He works nights, which is a no-no for depressives anyhow and he is looking for another job, but struggling.

Anyhow, his friend was 60 and had been ill for some time. friend is FIL's best friend and father / long time close friend of Dh's best friend. we all thought he'd be here for Christmas, but he was taken ill suddenly last week and died of something like cirrhosis, but they don't know what. Dh's BF and his kids are beingtested for lots of related things though.

How do I know if the down moods Dh is experiencing (headaches, snappiness, short tempered, tiredness) are as a result of this, or symptomatic of something starting again? And would he benfit from going back on Ad's now jic? he's not keen on them as he had a lot of side effects, including insomnia (shite when you work nights and struggle with slep anyway).

Any advice gratefully received, need to help him now, not when it beocmes an emergncy.

does he (or you) have any kind of open appointment with a mental health professional? are you able to talk with him about your fears?
sounds to me like you're well in tune with him emotionally and probably you'd spot before things really spiralled. you're right that the symptoms you've described are all classic bereavement stuff, but i can well understand your worries too.

Dh was dealt with by the GP, never referred on- I often wondered why. he was due to have counselling, but we moved before the ten month waiting list got round to it.

I can talk to him about it, we're very close and I've had to pick him up enough times that he trusts me. But I'm still not quite sure what to do this time. True most of it has been since the loss, BUT tehere were niggling little can't-quite-put-my-finger-on-it signs precedding this.

if you've got trust and communication between you, i would try not to worry too much. i can only suggest really common sense stuff, like watching for any patterns you have noticed when he has been low before; watching for any particular deterioration in symptoms you've already seen; getting him to gp if either of you are worried enough (although last gp didn't refer, new gp will be aware of previous discussions).
are you going to funeral with him tomorrow?

I am going yes, although his father will be there also. He wanted me to go, and I did like the chap myself anyhow. Plus Dh will only get 3 hours sleep (comes home at 5.30 am after his shift) then has to go back tomorrow night as they wouldn't give him any time off, so i insisted on driving.

that's good, that you'll be there to support him. also perhaps you can gauge his behaviour and get a feeling for whether this is purely bereavement or more when you see him interact with other mourners, iyswim.
be thinking of you tomorrow,
xxx amber

Thanks Amber

Funeral went well actually (the Preacher did start quoting Daniel O'Donnell which was a bit bizarre and i giggled which is BAD form), but Dh was OK and seems much brighter. I think work cottoned on and for the first timein 3 years, suggested the early shift (he and one other) finish up 2 hours earlt, as it was quiet. Karma.
Now I just have to se what happens in the following days. He seemed to be fine before work tonight, which is good.

that all sounds v promising, i was thinking of you.
daniel o'donnell - how bizarre [puzzled face]!