Advice please - neighbour has cancer. Best way to offer help?

[boobashka]

Reposting in health as not much response on chat. One of my neighbours has cancer which I think is terminal. I don't know the family very well, other than a quick chat about the weather in passing. They are quiet people and keep themselves to themselves. I'd like to offer some help, maybe by taking round a casserole every so often. Is this a good idea? What would be a good way to offer without seeming to intrude? Thanks very much for any advice - not very good in these situations

How did you hear about your neighbour? Was it direct from the family, or from someone in your road? I only ask because it night help with how you approach them?

I might be tempted to open lines of communication with a card through the door, with something along the lines of "so sorry to hear your news, thinking of you, and please let me know if there is anything I can do to help" or words to that effect.

Also maybe chat to your other neighbours if you're friendly, see if they have offered help. Could you host a MacMillan coffee morning in your ill neighbours honour?

Do you bump into this neighbour or a member of the family? How about " Hello. Are you okay? Can I help in anyway?"
I suspect that my neighbours would describe us in the same way that you described yours. I have cancer. I appreciate people just saying hi and noticing that I am still around and part of life. People bringing us food, but while sweet, is not that useful as we have food allergies in the family.
my neighbours have brought me pot plants which I enjoy, and have done things like bring the wheelie bin in on bin day or offered to take the dog with them when they were going for a walk. The next door neighbour has started cutting the front lawn for us when he does his which is awesome!
My DH, who has a lot on his plate looking after me and DC, finds not having to deal with some of things a huge help. I appreciate a hi and a smile.

Thanks so much goodjambadjar and UKsounding for your comments.
I heard about the neighbour's cancer while I was chatting with his wife and another neighbour. He is extremely quiet and shy and barely says hi if we do bump into him anyway. So I am very wary of intruding. Perhaps I'll just pop a note round as suggested by goodjam with my mobile number - then the ball's in their court if they need anything?

I think a specific offer of help is better than a generic one, if they don't know you well they may never make that phone call iyswim.

When I had cancer friends usually offered to do the shopping for me, drive me to appointments/shops, pick up my kids from school, brought food for the family (even if I didnt feel like eating at least it saved us from cooking!) All these things were very helpful and I may not have asked as was new to the area and didn't have any friends yet.

Invite the wife round for a cup of tea or something, she'll probably need a brether as it's hard being the carer too.

I think it's lovely that you're trying to help by the way.

Thanks Claire - good suggestion re inviting the wife round. I agree also re specific offer of help. So difficult to know how to help! But I will try some of these suggestions. Many thanks

Yes to making specific suggestions as well as general advice .

And excellent advice re supporting wife .

Maybe also add something to convey that you understand that the more people involved there can be an increase in the burden of keeping people up to date with events/having to go through details and that you dont expect updates etc .

Sorry dont know how to phrase this ,hope you get my gist .

Do they have any family you could liaise with a little ?

You sound like a lovely neighbour .

Thanks gingeroots. No family that I know of - grown up children who still live with them but again, they are really quiet and I never see them. I will keep an eye out for the wife and have a chat when I see her. Also another neighbour is friendly with them (she's quite old and infirm herself) so will maybe ask her if she knows how I could help. And will steel myself to put a note thru the door.