The Human Scab

[Sheshelob]

Picture a time, a time when a young, firm, silken skinned beauty woke up to find herself covered in flat spots. These were no ordinary spots. Within days, they had changed. And our heroine's life would change forever possible overstatement

What started as spots soon became scabby, flakey monsters. And they were everywhere. Arms, legs, scalp. Even her forehead. Once dewy skin was peppered with flakey craters and angry red lumps. Within days, she had become half woman, half popadom.

Standing in front of her bathroom mirror, scraping a scab from her hairline she realised the transformation was at last complete. She had become...

The Human Scab.

But how did she end up this way? What could be the cause?

Her only hope was a group of shadowy mavericks, clinging to their high horses by the strength of their own pelvic floors.

As she flakes off into the sunset, she clumsily crosses genres whispers into space, "Help me, Obi-Wan Ke-Mumsnet. You're my only hope."

I think your only hope is a proper diagnosis from a doctor personally

Psoriasis?

But yes, orf to the dr with you :)

I was afraid someone might say that.

Doctors aren't that keen on my feature film posturings, or my homemade Thelma and Leia fusion finger puppet show.

Sounds like scabies. Bit grim but treatable. Also v infectious so don't do any wrestling until you've seen the doctor.

Amazing

Scabies!?

Princess Leia can't get scabies and the rash looks different to my join-the-dots display

Phew.

Upload a pic of such a spot so we can all recoil in horror aid you with bit of internet doctoring?

Have you changed anything - washing powder, shampoo, shower gel etc in past few days?

Join the dots....

Bed bugs????

Been anywhere nice recently? Been anywhere at all recently, stayed in a hotel, had people to stay who recently have done so?

Ah.

This is one of those existential moments when I'm wondering if my economy sized barrel of Head and Shoulders has actually turned me into The Flake Woman but not in an 80s sexist advertising type way. No-one would buy chocolate from me at the moment. Not even a curlywurly.

Bed bugs do not bear thinking about. And surely my partner in feminist crime and intergalactic space travel husband would be riddled with them? Him being the itchier sex and all.

Possibly. H&S is strong stuff.

DrMcWitch prescribes using a bland shampoo tomorrow, and some bland soap or showergel. Then moisturising using a very very very bland lotion. Add no perfume. Then see how you're doing.

And hey, I'd buy a curly wurly from you. I'd even accept one free of charge, and not run away too fast.

Ach, I had bad bad bug bites before. And my then bed partner did not. They clearly had taste, those bitey bastards.

(They chomp in little lines, so you'd probably see 3 or little clusters of bites.)

Impetigo?

You can have that one for free

I am never going to sleep again, having Googled impetigo.

If I have that, I'm going to chop my own face off.

Lichen planus?

Impetigo is very common and treatable - LP can be difficult, you really need to get it checked out.

Dum, do you subscribe to Skin Conditions Monthly? You are a font of all terrifying Google images knowledge.

Nope! I work with kids - impetigo is quite common in young children as it's highly infectious.

My mum has just been signed off from 2yrs treatment of LP - that is more unusual but nonetheless a fairly common side effect of some medication (can't remember which - mum is on lots!)