Really not sure where to post this or what I want to gain from posting it.
When DS was born four and a half years ago I had a long, difficult labour and he was a big baby.
He was stuck and they were on the point of taking me for a c-section when apparently one of the midwives said I should have one more chance to push him out. They agreed to try an episiotomy and used forceps and DS was born.
I was totally out of it by that point, I don't remember any of this, although I do remember asking what the doctor was doing after DS was born and he said he was doing my stitches. Apparently DH connected for me but I would have agreed had I been able to. He says they told me and I said yes, but they also asked him because they could see the state I was in. So it's not a question of having something done to me that I wouldn't have consented to either.
I just recently found the book I had when I was pregnant, think it was called My Pregnancy Bible, and in it was a small section about episiotomies, so I read it for the first time.
And it says they use scissors to make the cut.
I don't know what I thought they might use, but the thought of being cut open with a pair of scissors while I was confused and not aware of what was happening has upset me.
It's not the fact that they had to do it, I know they had to do it and I'm fine with that. It's the fact that they use scissors, the thought of someone taking scissors and cutting me, it's come as a shock and I'm finding it quite upsetting to think about.
It took me months to get over the physical aspect, I had pains for months, I didn't want DH to touch or look at me, I felt very battered and bruised afterwards and was scared to go to the toilet because I could feel the thick scar.
It's just now, well, scissors. Just thinking about it makes me feel sick, although I'm not sure why it's worse than being cut with something else or why it's bothering me so much to find out after so much time has passed.