So, HOW do you raise your self-esteem?

[Br0na]

I think mine has gradually strengthened over the last few years, but theory is one thing. I always knew rationally that I was being treated like shit but I mustn't have felt I could do any better.

Since I left an abusive x, I have protected myself by keeping my head under the parapet. I haven't had a job or a proper boyfriend really. (one sort of relationship but I always knew it was just pleasant role playing). So, I haven't been dumped or sacked or rejected and that's been good because I wouldn't have been able for that.

I have had psychotherapy by the way and it was very helpful. It made me understand that my low self-esteem was at the root of it all.

So how do you raise your self esteem? I have come a long way since I got together with my x but still, how can I raise my self esteem a bit more.

I have done voluntary work. In an old peoples home and in meals on wheels. I do value myself, I just can't believe that I can convince anybody ELSE to value me, crucial difference.

I am a good friend to the couple of friends I have, I work out five times a week don't smoke and follow a pescatarian diet! I did all of that while I was in an abusive relationship too btw.

I think I am good company and competent and I could be a good employee or a good partner but only to a decent man. But..... I can't take a risk. I can't risk failure (yet). Or maybe now I am ready to risk rejection and failure. I can't keep my head under the parapet for ever.

Is there anybody who knows what I mean? I am not competitive at all. I wither when there is competition. Applying for a job is competing. daring to like a man, that's entering a competition. I can't bear it.

I was looking for techniques to fool my subconscious brain into believing what I am telling it rationally. I have ordered a book about assertiveness. It looks good. So, I will read that book and hope that the messages sink in deeper.