Think dd (14) had a panic attack last night. Does it sound like that to you, and is there anything I should do now ?

[JugglingFromHereToThere]

Hi all,

DD got very stressed and upset about a whole string of stressy stuff last night. She started sobbing very strongly and seemed to be finding it hard to get her breath. She said she felt scared and also had a bad headache.
She relaxed a little and it went away, then about 10 mins later got herself all upset about it all again (including arguing with me about some school stuff) and seemed to have the same thing happen again but a bit worse.
We've talked about it a little this morning.
Does it sound like a panic attack to you ?
Not asthma ? (which I sometimes think could be an issue for her, especially when she has a virus - get's very chesty and is sometimes sick) as there was lots of coughing and spluttering too
And should I take her to GP or talk it over with anyone else ?
She's very independent and would prefer I don't tell school but have said I can't rule that out.

But it was worrying to witness, and I want to make sure she's OK, especially breathing wise.
Any advice and experience much appreciated.

It sounds like a stress thing - not a panic attack. In a panic attack you can lose control, have a 'fight' instinct (eyes darting, trying to 'escape' or fight against anyone close).

Hyperventilation is scary though. When you panic you shallow breathe and this can be scary as you get light headed too.

The weather has been hot and dry here. Where we are, I sometimes have breathing problems when its like this and my lungs are fine.

If she starts stressing again - and if she does she will be scared that she will have 'an attack' - you need to get to her eye level and ask her to take deep breaths through her nose (you are more likely to hyperventilate if you shallow breathe through your mouth). Talk slowly and quietly so that she has to focus on you, and ask her to not speak but think what she wants to say and say it slowly when she can. If she cant speak to you, then encourage her to write down what she is worried/bothered about and try to get her to work through the issues alone or preferably with you or another trusted sensible person. Ask her to also write how she felt when she was stressing (call it that or something similar - not 'panic').

Take it slow and keep calm. The old paper bag trick does work. Yes, a sharp slap on the cheek will snap someone out of an attack (I am a qualified therapist, so am 'qualified' to do this ha! but cant say I've ever needed to do this) as it shocks them by distracting them.

I am not advising anyone to hit anyone! It's an example of distraction - like when you yell 'oh look at that dog!' at a crying toddler.

No hitting. none. at all.

No don't worry I won't smack her, I'm pretty sure that wouldn't help.

But thanks for your answer. She was a bit fighty though just before second episode, and gave me a big push (after following me in garden). I think she even talked about feeling "fight or flight" - can't quite remember now though.

I tried some distraction, talking about the different flowers in the garden.
She seemed very involved in all the issues in the stressy situation/ argument with me.

I really just wanted her to calm down and regain some perspective, but admit I couldn't help being a bit defensive about my actions which seemed reasonable enough to me.

Welcome to the teenage years ?!

DS1 (14) went through this before he moved schools. He said he couldn't breathe and was having to concentrate on breathing in and out. It was quite alarming.

He hadn't had it for a year but something stressy was going on the other week and it happened again.

Thanks Sparkling ... it was bad enough that I wondered if I should be concerned it was a panic attack or even asthma attack ... but probably just that when you're sobbing your heart out and very angry too it's difficult to breathe properly at the same time ? Poor dd
Sorry your ds has had something similar, but good to know it's not been a regular thing.

Teach her some calming techniques when she is not stressed so she can use them in stressful situations.

Nose breathing, keeping the mouth closed. this stops overbreathing.

Also, full lung breathing, pushing the diaphragm down and abdomen out when breathing in and hollowing the abdomen when breathing out. Get her to feel the emotions on breathing in and key them go on breathing out and feel all of the tension being released. And then let her tell you what is bothering her.

As soon as the school situation was sorted it stopped Juggling, it reminded me when it happened the other week. He was sort of gulping and shutting his eyes. So I just told him to breathe. I think it was over some test or other.

Was it mindful.org on radio 4 this morning?

The worse part of this is that when you are that emotionally keyed up, you shallow breathe and this makes you dizzy. You just want to run and run like Forest Gump!

Misty is spot on with the breathing. Singing and swimming are great for teaching people how to take great big belly breaths rather than gasps.

Distraction is a good technique. It takes practise though (but I'm known for talking a lot so it doesn't seem like I'm doing it iykwim). Often I chat to myself or start saying things that my mun used to do/say - usually with some outcome.

'I remember when I was 14 and had a big fall out with my best friend. Something silly - a boy probably. Or was it? I can't remember... Must ask Sally next time I see here. Remember her? She was at Bills wedding. Anyway, this fight, well not really a fight ended up with her breaking my Walkman. You won't know what that is? Oh they were great! I saw one in the science museum last year when we went to london. Me in a museum! Cheek! So grandma said to me.............' I can go on and on and when I think they have calmed down and are receptive usually end with the solution 'I got over it' or 'we made up' or even 'we didn't speak again, but that's fine - I met your dad soon after...' 'Oh well, I'm boring old mum these days. Want a sandwich?'. She will talk to you when ready. Let her know that you are there to talk about anything when she wants. Kids need to remember that, lameo as us parents are (and ancient) our experiences aren't all that different.

You both need to learn techniques and strategies.

Hmm, thanks both. Was a little tricky to know how much to talk about the issues that were upsetting her at the time, or whether to just hope she'd calm down (and try and help her to do that) and then talk things over afterwards. I think on the whole talking this morning was more constructive.

Is the stressy stuff solvable Juggling?

Calm (problem 1) then talk (problem 2). Go with your instincts.

Hope you're both ok now.

Thanks moomin (I love the Moomin stories BTW )
And yes, we're both OK now, but has been a very stressful week for various reasons (mainly lots going on)

Some of the stressy stuff was that she was mad at me for trying to talk with the school about a couple of things - staying up very late to finish homework, and being unhappy with a grade she got on her report.
Apparently she had it all sorted in her head how she was going to deal with it, and wanted to do it all by herself ! I wasn't meant to interfere !

I guess these teenage strops have something in common with toddler tantrums .... I can do it all by myself Mummy !

Definitely toddler like Juggling. I can do it all by myself until suddenly they can't.